Growing Up as the Scapegoat to Narcissistic Parents

A Guide to Healing

De: Jay Reid

Narrado por: Todd Lewandowski

Duración: 8 h y 15 m

Resumen del Editor

This book is for those who suffered as the scapegoat child to a narcissistic parent. The scapegoat child is emotionally deprived, devalued and trapped by the parent. The child comes to believe they are defective and undeserving. These beliefs can plague the individual into adulthood.

Scapegoating reflects the narcissistic parent’s own emotional disturbance–not the child’s.

Healing is possible for scapegoat survivors! New healthy beliefs about oneself can be established. This book explains how to heal with the three pillars of recovery:

1. Making sense of the narcissistic abuse so you know it was not your fault
2. Creating distance from narcissistic abusers in your life today
3. Living in defiance of the narcissist's rules

Listeners will learn to apply these pillars in their own lives and reclaim the quality of life they deserve.

©2023 Jay Reid (P)2023 Jay Reid

This is my story!

I have never heard my story, and the issues with the narcissists in my life. described so honestly. The Narratoration is flawless. Told brilliantly! Everything I've always thought and felt was described perfectly. I couldn't stop listening! As I just turned 60, I wish I would have had this book decades ago. Everything described in this book was my experience and it was awful being the scapegoat. I finally see that I'm not the bad person. My parents were awful people. Every example was either them or me. And at 60, I'm in therapy to try and undo the damage done to me. It's good to know It wasn't me, but I've got a long road ahead. If only they had been decent, I could have become something great. God only knows what I couldve become. Anything in life but the sorry scapegoat would have been amazing. Unfortunately I had sick violent Borderline/Narcissistic mother and FULL ON Narcissistic Father. And I hate them. They are truly evil. I'm glad the book shows who they really are.
Thank You!!

So good

I will be listening to this again as it's full of great information! I'm so glad I found this book.

Great book

This was a great book. It was quite validating. Must read if you have a toxic family.

Wow! Clarity on So Many Levels!

This is the best book I’ve come across that explains what it’s like to grow up as the scapegoat in a toxic family. I’ve listened to it 3 times; gleaning more validation each listen. Bought the paperback too with plans to highlight certain nuggets of wisdom.

scapegoat child

Growing up in an emotionally abusive home i find this the best book I have read on the very painful topic of understanding the scapegoat survivor and how it affects you as an adult. it throughly covers how to recover from chronic narcissistic abuse as a child .

So informative

Really helpful advice in understanding family dynamics and your place within them. Listened twice to gather all of the information

Great Approach

I love the author's approach to this topic. He asks questions for you to decide if each different idea applies to you or your family member. Not all do, and some will take you by surprise. I found this book to be an exceptional part of my healing process.

Validation for the scapegoat

If you’re new to investigating narcissistic abuse and wondering whether or not to listen to this book, please give it a go. It might give you insights and tools you deserve for healing.

Reid’s ability to explain how the narcissist is both fragile and in need of constant validation while simultaneously having an inflated sense of importance and specialness is excellent. This truth is frequently distorted and misunderstood, especially in pop culture.

Abusers need enablers, as do addicts. Understanding the enabling parent, whether chemically checked out, absent, or actively involved with what happened to you, is a critical component in analyzing the family system that allowed your abuse.

The narcissist usually has another, or many others, who prop up their carefully curated image of perfect parenting. The enabler refuses to intervene in your mistreatment, hiding behind a better-you-than-me attitude. There is a special pain in knowing how others looked on and did nothing, and that often requires as much healing as the active, intentional abuse does.

There is great validation in finding others have experienced the crazy-making behaviors you did, such as the false altruism of a narcissistic parent and favoritism of the golden child. Also, an important validation comes when you realize others also had parents who, in the full flow of abuse against you, were able to turn it off on a dime if the phone or doorbell rang.

This whole book is a wakeup call about how very aware and in control of their behavior they actually are. They know exactly what they do. Don’t accept the gaslighting about how they were abused and have unreliable memories. Each narcissist remembers everything that anyone ever did to offend them and usually recounts each trivial incident ad infinitum, so ask yourself how poor their memories really are.

Most importantly, the way Reid explains how and why the narcissist selected you to abuse will illuminate your abuser’s inconsistent behaviors and the impossibility of ever pleasing them. Identifying and understanding this will help you now and in future when you encounter another narcissist who wants to add you to his or her toolbox.

There are many authors out there who bring in religious viewpoints and push what I call the forgiveness demand. Reid doesn’t play that game. It only normalizes and justifies the abuser and blames the victim all over again.

To me, anyone who has been scapegoated by a narcissist in a personal relationship, at church or at work or school, you can benefit from this book too. Their strategies cannot be unseen once identified, and as the old joke goes, they seem to follow the same playbook.

Good luck on your healing path. Know that many of us have traveled it before you and support and love are what you deserve now.

Helpful for Scapegoats to Understand Their Toxic Family’s Disorder/Dysfunction

I identify with the scapegoat role all too much. Jay Reid accurately illustrates what my parebts and siblings did to me for decades and the toxic narcissistic traits that compelled them to carry out the abuse. He shares useful insight for the scapegoat whose awareness has led to cutting contact from the narcissistic family in order to heal. I no longer feel so alone in the darkness and am working on self-compassion every day with the support of experts like Jay Reid.

The story of the G.O.A.T.

I learned much inside this book of what I already knew without being able to articulate. Thank you Jay Reid. Love you guys, We are worthy.