How to Know a Person

The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

By: David Brooks

Narrated by: David Brooks

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A practical, heartfelt guide to the art of truly knowing another person in order to foster deeper connections at home, at work, and throughout our lives—from the author of The Road to Character and The Second Mountain

“More than a guide to better conversations, it’s a blueprint for a more connected and humane way of living. It’s a must-read for anyone looking to deepen their relationships and broaden their perspectives.”—Bill Gates, GatesNotes (Summer Reading Pick)

As David Brooks observes, “There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.”

And yet we humans don’t do this well. All around us are people who feel invisible, unseen, misunderstood. In How to Know a Person, Brooks sets out to help us do better, posing questions that are essential for all of us: If you want to know a person, what kind of attention should you cast on them? What kind of conversations should you have? What parts of a person’s story should you pay attention to?

Driven by his trademark sense of curiosity and his determination to grow as a person, Brooks draws from the fields of psychology and neuroscience and from the worlds of theater, philosophy, history, and education to present a welcoming, hopeful, integrated approach to human connection. How to Know a Person helps readers become more understanding and considerate toward others, and to find the joy that comes from being seen. Along the way it offers a possible remedy for a society that is riven by fragmentation, hostility, and misperception.

The act of seeing another person, Brooks argues, is profoundly creative: How can we look somebody in the eye and see something large in them, and in turn, see something larger in ourselves? How to Know a Person is for anyone searching for connection, and yearning to be understood.

©2023 David Brooks (P)2023 Random House Audio

Great book

I think this should be taught in high school. I find behavior to be so fascinating.

A deeply transformative experience

I’ve many “self help” books on relationships and habits but none of them touched my heart in the manner that Brooks’s book has. He made me question my self perceptions and become more aware of how to get past seeing others in my habitual manner. By the end of his book, I truly wanted to be more compassionate, respectful, and kinder. I tear up as I write this, but thank you Mr. Brooks for your wonderful and insightful work. I shall read it again and again.

Helpful guide for how to truly know someone

This is a very good, easy-reading/listening book about how to improve our abilities to truly get to know someone. Great for a book club or book discussion group. Well worth the price.

Timeless, thought-provoking, insightful—but narration was too fast

I was already a fan of David Brooks’s other books and op-ed columns, and this book was no exception. The content offered penetrating insights into the very qualities that make us human and can make interpersonal relationships deeply satisfying. My only complaint is that the content was so relatable and meaningful and the author’s narration so fast that it allowed no time for each complex thought to be absorbed before barreling ahead to the next idea. I tried slowing down the narration to .7 speed, but that made Brooks’s familiar voice so unlike itself that it became distracting. I will probably reread the book on Kindle or buy a hardcover copy so I can ingest it at a slower pace and mark key passages for emphasis and reflection.

Will again!

I will be listening multiple times. Information was very helpful and relatable. Great job on this one!

Insightful and Encouraging

This book was insightful and encouraging for me. It addresses difficult topics and those that become less and less common to discuss. Thank you for the effort put into writing this book and making it accessible for us.

Outstanding

Learned a lot about my self.

I plan to listen to more of David Brooks writings.

Outstanding!

He did so much work researching, reading and organizing literature into current and comprehensive guidance to enhance relationships. I truly hope so many people read this book that the divisions that plague us politically are reduced.

Amazing

This book is a must read for anyone hoping to be effective and have a positive impact on others.

Must read

Excellent, informative and helpful. A must read for everyone. Love to have it read by author.