How to Know a Person

The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

By: David Brooks

Narrated by: David Brooks

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A practical, heartfelt guide to the art of truly knowing another person in order to foster deeper connections at home, at work, and throughout our lives—from the author of The Road to Character and The Second Mountain

“More than a guide to better conversations, it’s a blueprint for a more connected and humane way of living. It’s a must-read for anyone looking to deepen their relationships and broaden their perspectives.”—Bill Gates, GatesNotes (Summer Reading Pick)

As David Brooks observes, “There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.”

And yet we humans don’t do this well. All around us are people who feel invisible, unseen, misunderstood. In How to Know a Person, Brooks sets out to help us do better, posing questions that are essential for all of us: If you want to know a person, what kind of attention should you cast on them? What kind of conversations should you have? What parts of a person’s story should you pay attention to?

Driven by his trademark sense of curiosity and his determination to grow as a person, Brooks draws from the fields of psychology and neuroscience and from the worlds of theater, philosophy, history, and education to present a welcoming, hopeful, integrated approach to human connection. How to Know a Person helps readers become more understanding and considerate toward others, and to find the joy that comes from being seen. Along the way it offers a possible remedy for a society that is riven by fragmentation, hostility, and misperception.

The act of seeing another person, Brooks argues, is profoundly creative: How can we look somebody in the eye and see something large in them, and in turn, see something larger in ourselves? How to Know a Person is for anyone searching for connection, and yearning to be understood.

©2023 David Brooks (P)2023 Random House Audio

Important for everyone in todays busy world.

As a former educator, I would recommend this for a HS reading. It would do a tremendous service in this social media connected world, where we don’t really actually know a person.

A good book not a great book

Well written. Well intended. Many thoughtful and useful concepts to consider. Happy I read it.

trying to figure out why there is a failure of communication

I've been having a problem with a woman I was working with. I still believe what our issue was "What we have here is a failure to communicate!". Our relationship ended poorly and I still can't figure out why she treated me so badly. I took some solice in this book and found it to be excellent. Alas, oh well, with the person I did not work well with, but in the future I will be better prepared to be open and try to listen better.

Great insights, wisely applied

This great collection of insights into persons, perspectives and behaviors brings great clarity to how we can engage with each other with more depth and humanity.
Should be required reading in high schools, colleges, and all leadership coursework,

The depth of subject matter was quite informative.

Makes you really take a in-depth look at your own way of communicating and why.

Thoughtful book

What an insightful and helpful book. David Brooks opens his heart and head and gives us tangible steps.

Awesome!

I did like the author’s narrative.
I did not like Oprah’s input.
Over all, I loved the book!

A magnificent piece of literature and a profound teacher

This book is absolutely stunning! It is full of insight, honesty, love, and compassion. I’m glad I read this book and I can feel that it will have a lasting positive impact on me.

Awesome book, full of great stories and examples. Very inspirational and encouraging for anyone to become an illuminator!

I enjoyed listening to this book very very much! David Brooks does a great job reading it and conveying the ideas through very stimulating and enlightening stories. Initially, I expected a book like one of the ones that he references called crucial conversations by Joseph Greeney, which gives a more outlined way of thinking to approach the goal of having a crucial conversation. I finished this book by David Brooks with a very visceral knowledge and desire to see people as they are, and to want to know them as they are. And also to convey to others exactly who I am, without any pretense or posing.

How to appreciate others and allow them to enjoy the experience of conversation.

The fact that I must lessen again to absorb all that is expressed here within.