How to Know a Person

The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

By: David Brooks

Narrated by: David Brooks

Length: 7 hrs and 27 mins

Publisher's summary

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A practical, heartfelt guide to the art of truly knowing another person in order to foster deeper connections at home, at work, and throughout our lives—from the author of The Road to Character and The Second Mountain

“More than a guide to better conversations, it’s a blueprint for a more connected and humane way of living. It’s a must-read for anyone looking to deepen their relationships and broaden their perspectives.”—Bill Gates, GatesNotes (Summer Reading Pick)

As David Brooks observes, “There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.”

And yet we humans don’t do this well. All around us are people who feel invisible, unseen, misunderstood. In How to Know a Person, Brooks sets out to help us do better, posing questions that are essential for all of us: If you want to know a person, what kind of attention should you cast on them? What kind of conversations should you have? What parts of a person’s story should you pay attention to?

Driven by his trademark sense of curiosity and his determination to grow as a person, Brooks draws from the fields of psychology and neuroscience and from the worlds of theater, philosophy, history, and education to present a welcoming, hopeful, integrated approach to human connection. How to Know a Person helps readers become more understanding and considerate toward others, and to find the joy that comes from being seen. Along the way it offers a possible remedy for a society that is riven by fragmentation, hostility, and misperception.

The act of seeing another person, Brooks argues, is profoundly creative: How can we look somebody in the eye and see something large in them, and in turn, see something larger in ourselves? How to Know a Person is for anyone searching for connection, and yearning to be understood.

©2023 David Brooks (P)2023 Random House Audio

Important for everyone in todays busy world.

As a former educator, I would recommend this for a HS reading. It would do a tremendous service in this social media connected world, where we don’t really actually know a person.

trying to figure out why there is a failure of communication

I've been having a problem with a woman I was working with. I still believe what our issue was "What we have here is a failure to communicate!". Our relationship ended poorly and I still can't figure out why she treated me so badly. I took some solice in this book and found it to be excellent. Alas, oh well, with the person I did not work well with, but in the future I will be better prepared to be open and try to listen better.

A good book not a great book

Well written. Well intended. Many thoughtful and useful concepts to consider. Happy I read it.

A magnificent piece of literature and a profound teacher

This book is absolutely stunning! It is full of insight, honesty, love, and compassion. I’m glad I read this book and I can feel that it will have a lasting positive impact on me.

Awesome book, full of great stories and examples. Very inspirational and encouraging for anyone to become an illuminator!

I enjoyed listening to this book very very much! David Brooks does a great job reading it and conveying the ideas through very stimulating and enlightening stories. Initially, I expected a book like one of the ones that he references called crucial conversations by Joseph Greeney, which gives a more outlined way of thinking to approach the goal of having a crucial conversation. I finished this book by David Brooks with a very visceral knowledge and desire to see people as they are, and to want to know them as they are. And also to convey to others exactly who I am, without any pretense or posing.

How to appreciate others and allow them to enjoy the experience of conversation.

The fact that I must lessen again to absorb all that is expressed here within.

Thank you, David Brooks

Thank you, David Brooks for this amazing work. I was already being helped before I finished chapter 1. The dare say, the world was already being helped. Thank you for having the foresight and diligence to piece together this work.

Outstanding

This book helped me see ME. I highly recommend for everyone. I will be reading this again.

Surprisingly forthcoming

I have read his last three books and enjoyed his insights and have always enjoyed his political commentary even when I’m some degree of disagreement. In retirement I was hesitant to purchase this book out of fear of being prompted by a consistently successful author on how to move my life forward from here. What I received instead was a well seasoned perspective on how to more effectively be compassionate, be interested in exploring others meaningfully, and be more engaging and curious. His delivery as well as the content is delivered with a delightful humor, and humility and emphasis as is so well expressed through his own reading of the book. I even wonder if the printed edition could adequately convey the passion with which I enjoyed the reading. I will share this perspective with as many as I can in the hope of engendering more meaningful conversations and connections with others.

Wisdom and personal transformation

All of it! David is my new favorite guru who is willing to dig into his own hangups and shift perception. Bravo.