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High Conflict
- Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out
- Narrated by: Amanda Ripley
- Length: 9 hrs and 50 mins
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Publisher's summary
When we are baffled by the insanity of the “other side”—in our politics, at work, or at home—it’s because we aren’t seeing how the conflict itself has taken over.
That’s what “high conflict” does. It’s the invisible hand of our time. And it’s different from the useful friction of healthy conflict. That’s good conflict, and it’s a necessary force that pushes us to be better people.
High conflict is what happens when discord distills into a good-versus-evil kind of feud, the kind with an us and a them. In this state, the brain behaves differently. We feel increasingly certain of our own superiority, and everything we do to try to end the conflict, usually makes it worse. Eventually, we can start to mimic the behavior of our adversaries, harming what we hold most dear.
In this “compulsively readable” (Evan Osnos, National Book Award-winning author) book, New York Times bestselling author and award-winning journalist Amanda Ripley investigates how good people get captured by high conflict—and how they break free.
Our journey begins in California, where a world-renowned conflict expert struggles to extract himself from a political feud. Then we meet a Chicago gang leader who dedicates his life to a vendetta—only to realize, years later, that the story he’d told himself about the conflict was not quite true. Next, we travel to Colombia, to find out whether thousands of people can be nudged out of high conflict at scale. Finally, we return to America to see what happens when a group of liberal Manhattan Jews and conservative Michigan corrections officers choose to stay in each other’s homes in order to understand one another better, even as they continue to disagree.
All these people, in dramatically different situations, were drawn into high conflict by similar forces, including conflict entrepreneurs, humiliation, and false binaries. But ultimately, all of them found ways to transform high conflict into good conflict, the kind that made them better people. They rehumanized and recategorized their opponents, and they revived curiosity and wonder, even as they continued to fight for what they knew was right.
People do escape high conflict. Individuals—even entire communities—can short-circuit the feedback loops of outrage and blame, if they want to. This is an “insightful and enthralling” (The New York Times Book Review) book—and a mind-opening new way to think about conflict that will transform how we move through the world.
Featuring audio highlights from actual interviews, town hall meetings, and podcasts.
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PDF checklist access
- By lawrence charny on 09-02-17
By: Daniel Shapiro
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The Way Out
- How to Overcome Toxic Polarization
- By: Peter T. Coleman
- Narrated by: Matthew Josdal
- Length: 11 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Social psychologist Peter T. Coleman explores how conflict resolution and complexity science provide guidance for dealing with seemingly intractable political differences. Deploying the concept of attractors in dynamical systems, he explains why we are stuck in this rut as well as the unexpected ways that deeply rooted oppositions can and do change.
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incredible book, terrible narrator
- By Jessica D. on 02-17-24
By: Peter T. Coleman
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7 Winning Conflict Resolution Techniques
- Master Nonviolent and Effective Communication Skills to Resolve Everyday Conflicts in the Workplace, Relationships, Marriage, and Crucial Conversations
- By: Gerard Shaw
- Narrated by: John-Michael Jalonen
- Length: 3 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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It might sound weird, but conflicts are a normal, common occurrence. Even if you are not a type of person that often engages in conflict, you simply can’t avoid it. This audiobook will help you understand different types of conflict and how to emerge as a winner without disrupting your internal peace. This guide will help you control your emotions, put a leash on your impulsive reactions and teach you how to resolve conflict in a calm, peaceful way, whether in the workplace, in your marriage, or with family and friends.
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Not helpful for me
- By texase on 03-30-21
By: Gerard Shaw
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The Unthinkable (Revised and Updated)
- Who Survives When Disaster Strikes—and Why
- By: Amanda Ripley
- Narrated by: Kirsten Potter
- Length: 11 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Disaster can come in many forms, from earthquakes and avalanches to catastrophic machine failure and acts of terror. And afterwards, when the dust settles and the survivors emerge, we can't help but wonder: why them? Why did they live when so many others perished? In The Unthinkable, Prize-winning journalist Amanda Ripley, who has covered some of the most devastating disasters of our age, sets out to find the answers.
By: Amanda Ripley
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The Smartest Kids in the World
- And How They Got That Way
- By: Amanda Ripley
- Narrated by: Kate Reading
- Length: 7 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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How do other countries create "smarter" kids? In a handful of nations, virtually all children are learning to make complex arguments and solve problems they've never seen before. They are learning to think, in other words, and to thrive in the modern economy.What is it like to be a child in the world's new education superpowers? In a global quest to find answers for our own children, author and Time magazine journalist Amanda Ripley follows three Americans embedded in these countries for one year.
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a Wanna-be fiction writer avoids the subject
- By Niall on 11-23-13
By: Amanda Ripley
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I Never Thought of It That Way
- How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times
- By: Mónica Guzmán
- Narrated by: Mónica Guzmán
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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In this timely, personal guide, Mónica, the chief storyteller for the national cross-partisan depolarization organization Braver Angels, takes you to the real front lines of a crisis that threatens to grind America to a halt - broken conversations among confounded people. She shows you how to overcome the fear and certainty that surround us to finally do what only seems impossible: understand and even learn from people in your life whose whole worldview is different from or even opposed to yours.
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Good recommendations, bad justification
- By Jesse Hodges on 01-08-23
By: Mónica Guzmán
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Negotiating the Nonnegotiable
- How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally Charged Conflicts
- By: Daniel Shapiro
- Narrated by: Daniel Shapiro
- Length: 8 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Find out how to successfully resolve your most emotionally charged conflicts. In this landmark book, world-renowned Harvard negotiation expert Daniel Shapiro presents a groundbreaking, practical method to reconcile your most contentious relationships and untangle your toughest conflicts.
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PDF checklist access
- By lawrence charny on 09-02-17
By: Daniel Shapiro
-
The Way Out
- How to Overcome Toxic Polarization
- By: Peter T. Coleman
- Narrated by: Matthew Josdal
- Length: 11 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
-
Story
Social psychologist Peter T. Coleman explores how conflict resolution and complexity science provide guidance for dealing with seemingly intractable political differences. Deploying the concept of attractors in dynamical systems, he explains why we are stuck in this rut as well as the unexpected ways that deeply rooted oppositions can and do change.
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incredible book, terrible narrator
- By Jessica D. on 02-17-24
By: Peter T. Coleman
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7 Winning Conflict Resolution Techniques
- Master Nonviolent and Effective Communication Skills to Resolve Everyday Conflicts in the Workplace, Relationships, Marriage, and Crucial Conversations
- By: Gerard Shaw
- Narrated by: John-Michael Jalonen
- Length: 3 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
It might sound weird, but conflicts are a normal, common occurrence. Even if you are not a type of person that often engages in conflict, you simply can’t avoid it. This audiobook will help you understand different types of conflict and how to emerge as a winner without disrupting your internal peace. This guide will help you control your emotions, put a leash on your impulsive reactions and teach you how to resolve conflict in a calm, peaceful way, whether in the workplace, in your marriage, or with family and friends.
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Not helpful for me
- By texase on 03-30-21
By: Gerard Shaw
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Beyond Reason
- Using Emotions as You Negotiate
- By: Roger Fisher, Daniel Shapiro
- Narrated by: Roger Fisher, Daniel Shapiro
- Length: 6 hrs
- Unabridged
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Emotions matter. Whether negotiating with an angry boss or an outraged teenager, emotions can derail you. Properly treated, however, they can help you achieve the results you want. This book shows you how.
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Terrific
- By George on 04-16-06
By: Roger Fisher, and others
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Fierce Attachments
- A Memoir
- By: Vivian Gornick
- Narrated by: Vivian Gornick
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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In this deeply etched and haunting memoir, Vivian Gornick tells the story of her lifelong battle with her mother for independence. Gornick's groundbreaking book confronts what Edna O'Brien has called "the principal crux of female despair": the unacknowledged Oedipal nature of the mother-daughter bond. Born and raised in the Bronx, the daughter of "urban peasants," Gornick grows up in a household dominated by her intelligent but uneducated mother's romantic depression over the early death of her husband.
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Blunt, vivid, and engaging!
- By Aliza on 06-14-24
By: Vivian Gornick
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You're Not Listening
- What You're Missing and Why It Matters
- By: Kate Murphy
- Narrated by: Kate Murphy
- Length: 6 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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At work, we’re taught to lead the conversation. On social media, we shape our personal narratives. At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians. We’re not listening. And no one is listening to us. Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect, it seems no one is really listening or even knows how. And it’s making us lonelier, more isolated, and less tolerant than ever before. A listener by trade, New York Times contributor Kate Murphy wanted to know how we got here.
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Very Interesting and Helpful
- By Bike49038 on 02-17-20
By: Kate Murphy
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Why Are We Yelling?
- The Art of Productive Disagreement
- By: Buster Benson
- Narrated by: Buster Benson
- Length: 5 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Have you ever walked away from an argument and suddenly thought of all the brilliant things you wish you'd said? Do you avoid certain family members and colleagues because of bitter, festering tension that you can't figure out how to address? Now, finally, there's a solution: a new framework that frees you from the trap of unproductive conflict and pointless arguing forever.
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Interesting Topic But Unrealistic
- By Ed Barberi on 02-28-20
By: Buster Benson
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Crucial Conversations (Third Edition)
- Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High
- By: Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, and others
- Narrated by: Emily Gregory, Joseph Grenny
- Length: 7 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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The book that revolutionized business communications has been updated for today's workplace. Crucial Conversations provides powerful skills to ensure every conversation - especially difficult ones - leads to the results you want. Written in an engaging and witty style, it teaches listeners how to be persuasive rather than abrasive, how to get back to productive dialogue when others blow up or clam up, and it offers powerful skills for mastering high-stakes conversations, regardless of the topic or person.
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Great info; needs a cast, PDF and a website update
- By Kali on 04-25-22
By: Joseph Grenny, and others
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How to Know a Person
- The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen
- By: David Brooks
- Narrated by: David Brooks
- Length: 7 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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As David Brooks observes, “There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.” And yet we humans don’t do this well. All around us are people who feel invisible, unseen, misunderstood. In How to Know a Person, Brooks sets out to help us do better, posing questions that are essential for all of us: If you want to know a person, what kind of attention should you cast on them?
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A book he was ready to write
- By Adam Shields on 11-17-23
By: David Brooks
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Conflicted
- How Productive Disagreements Lead to Better Outcomes
- By: Ian Leslie
- Narrated by: Matthew Lloyd Davies
- Length: 7 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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In an increasingly polarized world, our only chance for coming together and moving forward is to learn from those who have mastered the art and science of disagreement. In this much-needed book, Ian Leslie explores what happens to us when we argue, why disagreement makes us stressed, and why we get angry. By drawing together the lessons he learns from different experts, he proposes a series of clear principles that we can all use to make our most difficult dialogues more productive—and our increasingly acrimonious world a better place.
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One of the best books of the year
- By chris boutte on 03-19-21
By: Ian Leslie
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Good Arguments
- How Debate Teaches Us to Listen and Be Heard
- By: Bo Seo
- Narrated by: Bo Seo
- Length: 10 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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When Bo Seo was 8 years old, he and his family migrated from Korea to Australia. At the time, he did not speak English, and, unsurprisingly, struggled at school. But, then, in fifth grade, something happened to change his life: he discovered competitive debate. Immediately, he was hooked. It turned out, perhaps counterintuitively, that debating was the perfect activity for someone shy and unsure of himself. It became a way for Bo not only to find his voice, but to excel socially and academically. And he’s not the only one.
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Useful ideas, political though
- By Amazon Customer on 07-23-22
By: Bo Seo
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5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
- Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities
- By: Bill Eddy
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 5 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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When a high-conflict person has one of five common personality disorders - borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic - they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they're hard to shake. But there are ways to protect yourself. Using empathy-driven conflict management techniques, Bill Eddy, a lawyer and therapist with extensive mediation experience, will teach you to spot warning signs of the five high-conflict personalities in others and in yourself.
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This book should be required reading.
- By JGM on 05-07-18
By: Bill Eddy
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The High-Conflict Couple
- A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation
- By: Alan E. Fruzzetti PhD
- Narrated by: Vanessa Daniels
- Length: 6 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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The High-Conflict Couple adapts the powerful techniques of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) into skills you can use to tame out-of-control emotions that flare up in your relationship. Using mindfulness and distress tolerance techniques, you'll learn how to deescalate angry situations before they have a chance to explode into destructive fights. You'll discover ways to manage problems with negotiation, not conflict, and to find true acceptance and closeness with the person you love the most.
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Notations Should be Left in the Written Version
- By Jessica Saunders on 10-19-17
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Help for High-Conflict Couples
- Using Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Science of Attachment to Build Lasting Connection
- By: Jennine Estes Powell LMFT, Jacqueline Wielick LMFT
- Narrated by: Moniqua Plante
- Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Based in the revolutionary science of attachment theory and evidence-based emotionally focused therapy (EFT), this is an effective, research-based road map for helping high-conflict couples break free from painful and destructive habits. With this book, you'll uncover the root cause of your conflicts-both as individuals and as a couple. You'll also find simple strategies for creating an emotionally secure environment, as well as tips for managing triggers, de-escalating arguments, and cultivating a real and lasting connection.
By: Jennine Estes Powell LMFT, and others
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Connect
- Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues
- By: David Bradford, Carole Robin
- Narrated by: David Bradford, Carole Robin
- Length: 10 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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David Bradford and Carole Robin taught interpersonal skills to MBA candidates for a combined 75 years in their legendary Stanford Graduate School of Business course Interpersonal Dynamics (affectionately known to generations of students as "Touchy-Feely") and have coached and consulted hundreds of executives for decades. In Connect, they show listeners how to take their relationships from shallow to exceptional by cultivating authenticity, vulnerability, and honesty, while being willing to ask for and offer help, share a commitment to growth, and deal productively with conflict.
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Self Improvement
- By Christine Howland on 03-05-21
By: David Bradford, and others
What listeners say about High Conflict
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Case
- 01-19-23
Unlikely book that will certainly get your attention.
This book was recommended to me by my boss at work and this is definitely not a book that I would typically pick out for myself. I enjoyed hearing the nonfiction stories used throughout to explain what high conflict is. I enjoyed the author’s audiobook, she has a very nice voice to listen to. The only feedback I have is that I wish the how to get out of high conflict was more defined. There are appendix at the end that go into this. Maybe that might be a whole other book on its own! Regardless I found it passed my expectations. It was insightful and I think listening to this book is something that anyone can benefit from.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Ms. Bedelia
- 03-04-23
useful, relevant take
I got more out of this book than I thought I would. a useful reframe of how to navigate conflict productively.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Jenny
- 05-03-23
Solving conflicts well
This book was a game changer for me. Helped me recognize my own parts in low conflict situations. Gave me the courage to practice conflict solving and asking hard questions.
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- Andrew S
- 04-16-21
well written, compelling diagnosis & prescription
It's well written, compelling, and believable. highly recommended for anyone wondering if there's a way out of polarized times.
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5 people found this helpful
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- J. Roberts
- 01-05-22
Vital information for everyone
I loved this book! It was packed with interesting stories and examples that made me understand the work I need to do to begin to have better conversations. It isn’t easy to have conflict but through this book there are examples of why some conflict helps us grow and how high conflict limits us. It definitely makes me want to learn more about the topic and stretch beyond my comfort level. The author does a great job narrating too. I highly recommend this book!
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3 people found this helpful
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- David Jay
- 01-17-23
A must read for every American
We are all trapped in High Conflict and Amanda Ripley provides real stories of hope and suggestions for how we can listen deeply, reframe, and shift away from this dangerous mindset.
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1 person found this helpful
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- steve
- 07-22-23
Excellent book
The author did a good job reading her book
There were many items to learn and were well presented. Her bias showed with her attack on Glenn Beck without bringing up firestarting examples on the liberal side… Don Lemon anyone?
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- Peter C
- 01-03-24
Relevant topic with novel insights
This book describes the ways people get sucked into conflicts, and remain engaged often beyond their best interests. It offers ideas about how to extricate yourself from conflicts, how to understand others more, and live a more curious life. Very enlightening material and a unique view on conflict as a human activity.
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- Drew
- 05-22-24
Excellent
What an incredible way to view conflict. Full of real life examples but also practical advice for every day people + organizations. A must read- especially if you want to be stretched & challenged.
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- Thomas Y. Taber
- 11-28-22
Super Helpful Book on Conflict
I heard Amanda somewhere on the a internet and downloaded her book. I had forgotten about it till just before I had to handle some personal conflict. This book helped me understand what was really happening for me and others in this conflict. I feel better prepared to handle myself in challenging situations and notice how I can personally stay out of high conflict traps. Highly Recommended!
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2 people found this helpful