I Need Your Love, Is That True?

How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead

By: Byron Katie

Narrated by: Kimberly Farr

Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins

Publisher's summary

In Loving What Is, best-selling author Byron Katie introduced thousands of people to her simple and profound method of finding happiness through questioning the mind. Now, I Need Your Love, Is That True? examines a universal, age-old source of anxiety: our relationships with others. In this groundbreaking book, Katie helps you question everything you have been taught to do to gain love and approval. In doing this, you discover how to find genuine love and connection.

The usual advice offered in self-help books and reinforced by our culture advocates a stressful, all-consuming quest for love and approval. We are advised to learn self-marketing and manipulative skills: how to attract, impress, seduce, and often pretend to be something we aren't. This approach doesn't work. It leaves millions of walking wounded, those who, having failed to find love or appreciation, blame themselves and conclude that they are unworthy of love.

I Need Your Love, Is That True? helps you illuminate every area in your life where you seem to lack what you long for most; the love of your spouse, the respect of your child, a lover's tenderness, or the esteem of your boss. Through its penetrating inquiry, you will quickly discover the falseness of the accepted ways of seeking love and approval, and also of the mythology that equates love with need. Using the method in this book, you will inquire into painful beliefs that you've based your whole life on, and be delighted to see them evaporate. Katie shows you how unraveling the knots in the search for love, approval, and appreciation brings real love and puts you in charge of your own happiness.

“Everyone agrees that love is wonderful, except when it’s terrible. People spend their whole lives tantalized by love - seeking it, trying to hold on to it, or trying to get over it. Not far behind love, as major preoccupations, come approval and appreciation. From childhood on, most people spend much of their energy in a relentless pursuit of these things, trying out different methods to be noticed, to please, to impress, and to win other people’s love, thinking that’s just the way life is. This effort can become so constant and unquestioned that we barely notice it anymore.

This book takes a close look at what works and what doesn’t in the quest for love and approval. It will help you find a way to be happier in love and more effective in all your relationships. What you learn here will bring fulfillment to all kinds of relationships, including romantic love, dating, marriage, work, and friendship.” (Byron Katie)

©2005 Byron Katie (P)2005 Books on Tape, Inc.

Critic reviews

"Katie's chatty style and her use of detailed dialogues and simple exercises will make many readers feel transformation is inevitable." (Publishers Weekly)

thumbs up!

This is an excellent book which delves into Byron Katie's "Work" in great detail, specifically geared toward approval seekers. I'm very familiar with her "Work," and while a lot of this book is "The Work" over and over, she uses real examples of lots of people who also suffer from approval seeking and their outcomes. Hearing the raw emotion of so many people was healing in itself, and there are so many examples, everyone's bound to find something that resonates with them, personally. She also guides the listener to reframe situations, showing how to look at every situation from a new perspective.

I was, at first, a little disappointed it isn't read by Byron Katie, herself, but the narrator does a great job.

I recommend this book if you're struggling with people-pleasing and approval seeking!

Help exercise and examples

Turnarounds are a good way to see life from different perspectives. I do agree with some of the other comments about not using this method for abusive situations.

Life Changing!

No words to describe how much this book has meant to me!
I listened to “Loving What Is” twice…mind blowing….then this book! DO NOT HESITATE!
I have NEVER left a book review before…says a lot about this book!
I have probably read a thousand “Spiritual/enlightenment/self help” books…and honestly, I feel like these two books are truly the only ones I need! I plan to apply this wisdom daily….for the rest of my life! Thank you, Byron Katie!

Waking up to Love

Katie's book speaks to the true nature of people who want to love, crave love, seek it out and yet find it elusive and painful. In her amazing wisdom she provides tools for us to go inside our own minds and find out what is true for us and unravel the pain we think we are in. It was extremely supportive esp. when I was dealing with my own personal pain in relationships. If you have never heard a true teacher, let this be your first. You won't be disappointed

A must read...life changing...best book ever!

What made the experience of listening to I Need Your Love, Is That True? the most enjoyable?

It was so spot on to how we attach to thoughts and run with them and this is what causes us to suffer. So when we stop and question our thoughts and see if they are really true we save ourselves from a lot of hurt and pain. How many times have you gotten all upset over something and later realize you were wrong? It's that kind of egg on your face moment where you see your whole life has been a battle with untrue thoughts that cause us so much upset. Wars have been started because people believe their story and thoughts and stay attached to them no matter what.

Who was your favorite character and why?

This is a self help book so there isn't really a favorite character but Katie would be it. I must say I've read thousands of self help books throughout my lifetime and this book is rare, unique and change my life. I not only wished I'd found out about The Work years ago but I don't feel the need to look for self help books anymore.

Which scene was your favorite?

Honestly, she gives so many examples in this book but my favorite is her describing a woman who meets a man and she is a librarian and he is into NASCAR. Well the women really isn't but says she is for the benefit of the man as they are newly dating. Time passes and they go to races, she's all into it then one day he wants to go to a race and she doesn't want to go and it starts a fight because she was never really into auto racing.

What’s an idea from the book that you will remember?

Question your thoughts...and do it on paper! The mind will try to come up with examples and evidence to drag you into your story. So stay with the four questions. "All war belongs on paper."

Any additional comments?

I've listened to this book again and again and never tire of it. I've done classes on The Work now and practice it every single day and it all started with this book back in 2010! I am so grateful to Byron Katie and The Work as my life is truly peaceful no matter what happens because I know it's all happening just as it should. Only when I argue with reality and what is do I suffer. When I accept life and everything it has to offer I see life with so much love...when someone dies I know it was supposed to happen cause it did. When my mom got sick with cancer I was able to find the good in it as silly as that sounds but I was so open and okay with everything and that made my mom feel better...I was so present with her in the moment because I didn't have all those death thoughts running through my head...those this should NOT being happening thoughts. So I was able to have true love and peace and clarity with her in such a tough time. Before The Work I would have been angry at life, mad at God, and moaning about how unfair it all was. My mom is cancer free now!

Such an amazing way to know yourself

This book provides you with a powerful skill of finding those responses you were always looking for outside while you weren't aware that you are the only responsible for your own life.

As always the material is EXCELLENT and yet...

Byron Katie has a unique style in her way of communicating and I grew very accustomed to it from other speeches and books. That fact made listening to this narrator a trial. I am not yet finished with the book and every single time I turn it on I cringe. I try to relax by focusing on the material, trying to mentally overlay any other remembered voice but the narrator's intonations and vocal interpretation. Ms. Farr's expressions while reading feel incongruous at times and like bad mimicry at others. It's like a lot of typos on the page - you can understand what the writer is saying but the typos slow you down, you keep trying to read anyway because you want the material.

Byron Katie is a blessing on the planet and the queen of personal accountability. I recommend any of her books and speeches.

Life Changing Book, Beautifully Narrated.

If you've heard the words "love yourself" but have wondered how one goes about doing that REALLY, try reading this book AND doing the exercises. Once all the rubbish got swept away( in 2 weeks of intense work,) all the silly assumptions that made me feel unsure and sad, all that has remained is a love and respect for myself and for my husband. Everyone is better for it. Thank you Katie!

Love

love all of Katie's work! Fantastic read over and over. Love to bookmark special passages.

Refreshingly true

This book as the other from this Author is one of those compositions that make you nod while you are listening. full of truthness and liberation. if you want more freedom in you are life, definitely check out this beautiful book