Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be A-Holes
Unfiltered Advice on How to Raise Awesome Kids
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Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be A-Holes
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Narrated by:
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Gabra Zackman
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By:
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Karen Alpert
About this listen
Do you ever feel like you’re failing miserably at parenting? Do your kids keep acting like douche-nuggets no matter what you do? Then this book is for you.
From the creator of Baby Sideburns and I Heart My Little A-Holes (and the creator of two kids who once were little a-holes but are slowly turning into awesome human beings), Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be A-Holes is a hilariously honest parenting guide written by a regular mom who doesn’t always know WTF she’s doing. Just like you.
Featuring side-splittingly funny pictures, stories, and chapters like:
- "You Are Not Your Kiddo's Servant"
- "Picasso's Mom Didn't Tell Him to Draw the Eyes in the Right Place"
- "Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones but Words Will Cost Thousands in Therapy"
- "If They Say 'I Hate You,' Then You're Probably Doing It Right"
Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be A-Holes will make you laugh, cry, laugh until you cry, and feel like you’re having coffee (and a little sumpin' in it) with a best friend who has some of the answers to the hardest job on earth: parenting. And maybe, just maybe, it might help you get the a-hole out of your kids*.
*not a guarantee
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
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-
Gummi Bears Should Not Be Organic
- And Other Opinions I Can't Back Up with Facts
- By: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Narrated by: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Length: 4 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 75
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 67
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 67
In this latest mommy audiobook from the popular blogger, author, and TV personality, Stefanie will share her secrets for achieving a balance in motherhood between being protective and caring and downright bats--t crazy. She'll debunk some of the looniest parenting myths and reinforce others; she'll describe how, through as simple a process as good old trial and error, she's learned to pick and choose what works for her and her family, and tune out the rest.
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5 out of 5 stars
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You’re A Parent Now...Don't Mess It Up
- By Tim on 04-16-15
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#IMomSoHard
- By: Kristin Hensley, Jen Smedley
- Narrated by: Kristin Hensley, Jen Smedley
- Length: 7 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 1,810
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,585
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,573
In their highly anticipated first audiobook, the hilarious mom duo with millions of followers explores all the ridiculous shit you’re expected to do to keep multiple humans alive and happy-ish and celebrates the love for the friends who get you through it.
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5 out of 5 stars
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IRelateSoHard
- By Peekablue on 04-20-19
By: Kristin Hensley, and others
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Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?
- Confessions of a Gay Dad
- By: Dan Bucatinsky
- Narrated by: Dan Bucatinsky
- Length: 5 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 868
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 797
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 796
In 2005, Dan Bucatinsky and his partner, Don Roos, found themselves in an L.A. delivery room, decked out in disposable scrubs from shower cap to booties, to welcome their adopted baby girl - launching their frantic yet memorable adventures into fatherhood. Two and a half years later, the same birth mother - a heroically generous, pack-a-day teen with a passion for Bridezilla marathons and Mountain Dew - delivered a son into the couple’s arms.
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3 out of 5 stars
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A Parenting Book with Humor and Heart
- By The Reading Date on 02-05-14
By: Dan Bucatinsky
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Smash It!
- By: Francina Simone
- Narrated by: Zakiya Young
- Length: 9 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 30
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 29
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 29
She kicks it off by trying out for the school musical, saying yes to a date and making new friends. Life is great when you stop punking yourself! However, with change comes a lot of missteps, and being bold means following her heart. So what happens when Liv’s heart is interested in three different guys — and two of them are her best friends? What is she supposed to do when she gets dumped by a guy she’s not even dating? How does one Smash It! after the humiliation of being friend-zoned?
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5 out of 5 stars
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Good Coming of Age Story
- By dametra07 on 08-24-21
By: Francina Simone
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Stay Gold
- By: Tobly McSmith
- Narrated by: Theo Germaine, Phoebe Strole
- Length: 9 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 338
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 301
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 300
Pony plans to fly under the radar this year. Tired of getting too much attention at his old school after coming out as transgender, he’s hoping for a fresh start as a Hillcrest High senior. But it’s hard to live your best life with the threat of exposure lurking around every corner. Georgia is beginning to think there’s more to life than cheerleading. She just wants to keep a low profile until graduation...which is why she promised herself that dating is a nonstarter for the foreseeable future.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Must Read
- By Khoula on 08-17-20
By: Tobly McSmith
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I'm Down
- A Memoir
- By: Mishna Wolff
- Narrated by: Mishna Wolff
- Length: 8 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 182
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 126
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Story4 out of 5 stars 128
Mishna Wolff grew up in a poor black neighborhood with her single father, a white man who truly believed he was black. "He strutted around with a short perm, a Cosby-esque sweater, gold chains and a Kangol---telling jokes like Redd Fox, and giving advice like Jesse Jackson. You couldn't tell my father he was white. Believe me, I tried," writes Wolff. And so from early childhood on, her father began his crusade to make his white daughter down.
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1 out of 5 stars
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I stopped listening an hour in....
- By Casey on 11-07-09
By: Mishna Wolff
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What I Carry
- By: Jennifer Longo
- Narrated by: Reba Buhr
- Length: 8 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 94
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 89
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Story5 out of 5 stars 88
Growing up in foster care, Muir has lived in many houses. And if she's learned one thing, it is to Pack. Light. Carry only what fits in a suitcase. Toothbrush? Yes. Socks? Yes. Emotional attachment to friends? Foster families? A boyfriend? Nope! There's no room for any additional baggage. Muir has just one year left before she ages out of the system. One year before she's free. One year to avoid anything - or anyone - that could get in her way. Then she meets Francine. And Kira. And Sean. And everything changes.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Enlightening
- By Kindle Customer on 06-09-21
By: Jennifer Longo
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Nothing to See Here
- By: Kevin Wilson
- Narrated by: Marin Ireland
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 11,721
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 10,356
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 10,321
Lillian and Madison were unlikely roommates and yet inseparable friends at their elite boarding school. But then, Lillian had to leave the school unexpectedly in the wake of a scandal, and they’ve barely spoken since. Until now, when Lillian gets a letter from Madison pleading for her help. Madison’s twin stepkids are moving in with her family, and she wants Lillian to be their caretaker. However, there’s a catch: The twins spontaneously combust when they get agitated, flames igniting from their skin in a startling but beautiful way.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Elevated art form.
- By KayMac on 10-30-19
By: Kevin Wilson
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Moving Day (Allie Finkle's Rules for Girls #1)
- By: Meg Cabot
- Narrated by: Tara Sands
- Length: 4 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 44
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 28
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 28
When nine-year-old Allie Finkle's parents announce that the family is moving, Allie's sure her life is over. She's not at all happy about having to give up her pretty pink wall-to-wall carpeting for creaky floorboards and creepy secret passageways. With a room she's half-scared to go into, the burden of being "the new girl", and her old friends all a half-hour car ride away, how will Allie ever learn to fit in?
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4 out of 5 stars
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I liked this, overall
- By MayWalser99 on 06-05-16
By: Meg Cabot
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Is This Anything?
- By: Jerry Seinfeld
- Narrated by: Jerry Seinfeld
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,954
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,468
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,418
Since his first performance at the legendary New York nightclub “Catch a Rising Star” as a 21-year-old college student in fall of 1975, Jerry Seinfeld has written his own material and saved everything. “Whenever I came up with a funny bit, whether it happened on a stage, in a conversation, or working it out on my preferred canvas, the big yellow legal pad, I kept it in one of those old school accordion folders,” Seinfeld writes. “So I have everything I thought was worth saving from 45 years of hacking away at this for all I was worth.”
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1 out of 5 stars
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Joke, joke, joke. Boring, boring, boring.
- By ECMILLER on 10-11-20
By: Jerry Seinfeld
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The Secret Side of Empty
- By: Maria E. Andreu
- Narrated by: Eileen Stevens
- Length: 6 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 24
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 23
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 23
What's it like to be undocumented? High school senior M.T. knows all too well. With graduation and an uncertain future looming, she must figure out how to grow up in the only country she's ever called home... a country in which she's "illegal". M.T. was born in Argentina and brought to America as a baby without any official papers. And as questions of college, work, and the future arise, M.T. will have to decide what exactly she wants for herself, knowing someone she loves will unavoidably pay the price for it.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Heavy topics handled well but just fell short 4 me
- By AudioBookHoe on 07-30-17
By: Maria E. Andreu
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Liar, Liar
- The Theory, Practice and Destructive Properties of Deception
- By: Gary Paulsen
- Narrated by: Joshua Swanson
- Length: 2 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 60
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 46
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 47
Kevin has a big talent. Some might call it compulsive lying. He calls it common sense. Kev doesn’t mean to cause trouble by lying all the time; he’s just trying to make everything easier for everyone (and himself). And, of course, a few harmless, um, falsehoods are crucial to his plan to convince Tina that he’s the perfect boyfriend for her. In Gary Paulsen’s irresistible and chaotic comedy, Kevin’s lies spiral out of control until he’s faced with the need to do the unthinkable: tell the truth.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Mindless entertainment
- By Melody on 01-21-15
By: Gary Paulsen
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Silence is a Scary Sound
- And Other Stories on Living Through the Terrible Twos and Threes
- By: Clint Edwards
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 4 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 36
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 31
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 31
After his breakout hit book, I'm Sorry...Love, Your Husband, Clint Edwards has more laugh-out-loud tales, this time from the "terrible twos" and "threenager" phases each of his kids went through. His relatable toddler stories leave parents and caregivers cackling, and remind us all that no one is the perfect parent. In fact, sometimes the only thing that gets Clint through the day is thinking about when his kids grow up...and all the ways he can finally exact his revenge.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Dads love it too
- By Yume Leona on 11-12-19
By: Clint Edwards
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Be More Chill
- By: Ned Vizzini
- Narrated by: Ramon de Ocampo
- Length: 6 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 170
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 153
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 153
Jeremy Heere is your average high school dork. Day after day, he stares at beautiful Christine, the girl he can never have, and dryly notes the small humiliations that come his way. Until the day he learns about the "squip." A pill-sized supercomputer that you swallow, the squip is guaranteed to bring you whatever you most desire in life. By instructing him on everything from what to wear, to how to talk and walk, the squip transforms Jeremy from geek to the coolest guy in class. But Jeremy discovers that there is a dark side to handing over control of your life....
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2 out of 5 stars
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I f you’re looking for anything similar to the musical, skip it.
- By Destry on 09-23-19
By: Ned Vizzini
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Miss Fortune
- Fresh Perspectives on Having It All from Someone Who Is Not Okay
- By: Lauren Weedman
- Narrated by: Lauren Weedman
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 44
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 41
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Story4 out of 5 stars 40
Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
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Autobiography of a Fat Bride
- True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood
- By: Laurie Notaro
- Narrated by: Hillary Huber
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 51
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 43
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Story4 out of 5 stars 44
In Autobiography of a Fat Bride, Laurie Notaro tries painfully to make the transition from all-night partyer and bar-stool regular to mortgagee with plumbing problems and no air conditioning. Laurie finds grown-up life just as harrowing as her reckless youth, as she meets Mr. Right, moves in, settles down, and crosses the toe-stubbing threshold of matrimony.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Hilarious
- By MissSusie66 on 05-10-12
By: Laurie Notaro