More Than Two (Second Edition)

Cultivating Nonmonogamous Relationships with Kindness and Integrity (More Than Two Essentials)

By: Kim TallBear - foreword, Eve Rickert, Andrea Zanin

Narrated by: Andrea Zanin, Eve Rickert, Kim TallBear

A modern topology of nonmonogamy’s many possibilities―and consequences.

“Can you love more than one person?” A lot of conversations about nonmonogamy start this way. When we discuss “opening” relationships, contemplate whether we want to be exclusive with our partners, or introduce multiple partners to friends and family, we are asking the people in our lives, and ourselves, to contend with this question.

The answer is obvious, and misleading. The love one feels in their heart and the love one expresses through daily acts of care and affection are both “love” in the true sense, but they have different requirements, present different options and produce different outcomes.

More Than Two can’t promise outcomes, but it is a guide to the paths―from anchor or nesting partnerships to relationship anarchy―possible within nonmonogamy. This long-awaited second edition bridges emerging theories on attachment and relationship diversity with authors Eve Rickert and Andrea Zanin’s insight and experience. The arcs of nonmonogamous partnerships bend towards complexity, introspection and compromise―or at least they can, if we work at it.

©2024 Eve Rickert, Andrea Zanin, Kim TallBear (P)2024 Thornapple Press

Critic reviews

"In place of dominant and oppressive-for-so-many relationship norms, Eve Rickert and Andrea Zanin offer abundant possibilities that not only disrupt those norms, but that better meet the desires, needs, skills, and life conditions of the individual humans who are trying to love and relate as best we can in this challenging world."—from the foreword by Dr. Kim TallBear, Professor and Canada Research Chair in Indigenous Peoples, Technoscience and Society at the University of Alberta and the author of The Critical Polyamorist.

"More Than Two, Second Edition is a true game changer in the field of nonmonogamy theory and education. Rickert and Zanin have crafted a smart, thorough, compassionate book that tackles many issues, including those others shy away from including misconduct and abuse. This book is useful for beginners and veterans alike and offers practical tools to nourish any kind of relationship."—Tristan Taormino, author of Opening Up

Really useful whether you do or don’t

Lots of useful information for any kind of relationship, and an interesting peek into many cultures. Well worth the time!

A wonderful primer for ENM

This is an updated version of More Than Two and addresses a lot of issues and concerns about what it means to live an ENM lifestyle. I came to this book because I’m recently out as polyamorous and my spouse is monogamous. There are definitely many things to think about, but at the end of the day it’s about treating people with kindness and compassion; to remember everyone is human and usually doing their best. If you are curious about other relationship dynamics and structures this can be a very useful resource to learn more, but if you are more seasoned and have done a lot of self reflection and work then it may not be as useful. In a general sense this book valuable as it helps better define certain concepts, and provides some reflective questions that can aid in navigating some of the ideas presented throughout. I am thankful for the updates and purpose of this work.

Advanced Polyamory Advice, Highly Recommend to All

I've read so many books on managing polyamorous relationships, and this resource feels essential (and at times, radical - see section distinguishing boundaries, agreements, and rules! Loved it!). Too many polyamory books focus on polyamory within the framework of monogamy, and I get that, cuz it's a common configuration. However, this book actually gave me advice i can use in my more niche polyamorous configuration. Highly recommend, even if you think you know what works for you in poly. The advice is interesting and useful.

Detail clarity

Great information. Easy to understand and reflect
Thanks! Great works . Easy to use what applies and differentiates from what doesn’t

Not helpful, and even problematic

I recently discovered I might be non-monogamous. I saw this book recommended multiple times and gave it a go. This is 90% a "how to be a good person" book. I didn't need help with that. What I did need help with was understanding how polyam relationships could differ from monogamous ones, and how to navigate those differences. While there were some good tips, and I do have a better understanding of how some polyam structures work, I found that the idea of established couples opening their relationship to more people in polyfidelity was a structure the authors seem biased against for the sake of protection of agency. But they glance over the possibility that people will use that agency to choose polyfidelity. They made it seem as though polyfidelity is just wrong, or generally frowned upon. They act as though a triad that begins with a couple and a third is inherently bad, or a setup for failure, or that the couple does/will always have poor intentions or poor skills. But if all members are actively communicating and consenting, then there really is nothing wrong with that relationship configuration. They even went so far to say that if you're an established couple open to the idea of a closed triad, then you may as well give up your search, and then turn right around and list a multitude of resources and strategies in which a couple can make a triad work as a result of one of the people in that original couple cheating! A well intentioned, healthy, fully transparent, established couple should just kiss the idea of a triad goodbye, but an untrustworthy cheating relationship can make a triad work? That's pretty wild.

Another thing that really rubbed me wrong was how they spoke of vasectomies as a method of birth control. They called them "virtually painless and reversible" and did not elaborate further than that. This is not entirely true and is extremely misleading. Vasectomies, while not excruciatingly painful, are NOT "virtually painless." The pain can last weeks or even months in some cases, and within the first few days to a week, it can require pain relievers/ice to relieve pain. Suggesting it's "virtually painless" also comes with the connotations that it is virtually harmless and/or virtually un-lifealtering. This is also not true. Complications can come with every procedure, and you will be on strict rest for the first few days (meaning couch bound, unable to work, which is not a viable option for some), and you will be forbidden from sex or any other strenuous activity for more than a week (for people with strenuous jobs living paycheck to paycheck, this can make getting a vasectomy impossible).
Vasectomies, while they CAN be reversed, they are not MEANT to be. This procedure is done with the intention of being permanent. Think of a vasectomy like a tattoo. You don't go get a tattoo thinking "I can just get this removed whenever I want or if I decide I don't like it." While, yes, you technically can, tattoos are not meant to be treated that way. You get a tattoo with the intention of it being permanent, and treatment to remove the tattoo can cause serious pain and harm, and be very expensive. Vasectomies are the same. Reversals are NOT guaranteed. More often than not, reversals fail. Insurance often does not cover reversals, so it can be extremely expensive. It is a more invasive procedure, which comes with its own set of risks, recovery times, and setbacks.
Vasectomies are NOT temporary forms of birth control and any resource that suggests them as such immediately gets the side eye from me.
While I understand that it is not this book's intention or the author's responsibility to go into all the details of vasectomies, they need to be aware that if they are going to bring them up, they need to do so responsibly. List it simply as a single form of birth control, and encourage readers to do research on all types of birth control to discover which might be right for them. Do not make broad claims that can easily be misconstrued or misunderstood without elaborating to avoid that misunderstanding.