Surviving the White Gaze

A Memoir

By: Rebecca Carroll

Narrated by: Rebecca Carroll

Length: 7 hrs and 28 mins

Publisher's summary

An Esquire Best Book of 2021

A “gorgeous and powerful” (The New York Times Book Review) memoir from cultural critic Rebecca Carroll recounting her painful struggle to overcome a completely White childhood to forge her identity as a Black woman in America.

Rebecca Carroll grew up the only Black person in her rural New Hampshire town. Adopted at birth by artistic parents who believed in peace, love, and zero population growth, her early childhood was loving and idyllic - and yet she couldn’t articulate the deep sense of isolation she increasingly felt as she grew older.

Everything changed when she met her birth mother, a young White woman, who consistently undermined Carroll’s sense of her blackness and self-esteem. Carroll’s childhood became harrowing, and her memoir explores the tension between the aching desire for her birth mother’s acceptance, the loyalty she feels toward her adoptive parents, and the search for her racial identity. As an adult, Carroll forged a path from city to city, struggling along the way with difficult boyfriends, depression, eating disorders, and excessive drinking. Ultimately, through the support of her chosen Black family, she was able to heal.

“Generous, intimate, searching, and formidable” (The Boston Globe), Surviving the White Gaze is a timely examination of racism and racial identity in America today.

©2021 Rebecca Carroll. All rights reserved. (P)2021 Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved.

Perfect!

Much of what Rebecca wrote about resonated with me. I am thankful for her words and for her openness.

Compelling, Real, Poignant.

Rebecca Carroll’s reading of her own memoir makes it that much more impactful. All I can say is Thank You to Rebecca Carroll for sharing her life, her struggles, and her joy with the world. I learned a great deal about myself in these pages.

Great listen

When I first started the book I didn’t think I’d enjoy just the narration. But the story was so good and so much thought and discussion can come from it.

From one adoptee to another, thank you for your bravery in telling your story

I loved this book!! I wish that it was longer and that I could dive more into her story. I am a transracial adoptee from Haiti and so many of her experiences mirror my experiences and resonates on such a deep and divine level.

Empowering Memoire, Insights for Everyone!

As a white mother to two mixed daughters and a grandmother to a mixed grandson, this book was insightful, to say the least! I had no idea when I married an African American man, experienced the joy of having my two girls, and a white daughter from a previous marriage that life would be so complicated for all three of them. I agree I was clueless on many fronts as I lived in my love bubble. As they got older, I tried to protect them and tried to help them understand the limitations of people and how they weren't defined by others. What was I thinking? I quit a 6 figure job once my boss learned that my husband was black, to avoid his wrath. Someone who began our meetings with racist jokes. I should have influenced one of them NOT to try out for the part of Annie in a community play. She certainly had the best voice but, it should have been obvious they would cast a blue-eyed white girl. Sad proof that I believed my girls could do anything and tried to support their dreams at all costs. I'm so much better for having read this book... and listened to it, as I have both a printed copy and audible version. There are insights that I recommend everyone should be aware of and I admit I wasn't. My girls didn't share some of their pain with me, but I've seen signs of depression, since. They may have internalized it as Rebecca did, and may have even thought somehow rejection was their fault? There was more violent racism from the black girls at school for one of them. It got so bad with one experience that I got a call from the school. A black teacher, a grandmother of a mixed granddaughter, corralled the group of black girls in her office with my daughter to have a discussion to diffuse some of the anger. Turns out their complaint was that my daughter tried to talk like a white girl and so they surmised she must think she is better. The teacher suggested that we usually talk like our mothers, when asked they agreed they talk like their own mothers. The teacher suggested that also my daughter talks just like her mother, too. Apparently, it was an AHA moment for all. This is just one of the few experiences I knew about. My daughter was only a middle schooler at the time. As they got in high school, unfortunately, they didn't share much with me so I thought they may be escaping racism? After all, we did choose to live in an international community on the West Coast. Also, I admit I was a bit of a mama bear willing to go to all lengths to protect them. They probably wanted any negative issues to just go away. When social clicks were mentioned in high school, knowing the groups and their families, it didn't occur to me that it was because of color, mainly because I had suffered through many mean girls in school, myself. Loved the book. It has been thought-provoking and inspired conversations between me and my spouse. Hoping to encourage more convos with the girls. I highly recommend this book. Thank you to Becca for sharing her story with us. Thank you to my friend, a loving white mother who adopted a black daughter out of pure love as she gifted this book to me.

Thank you for writing this book!

I’m a single mom of a mixed child. She was born in 1975 and I was militant to support her being herself. This book explains so many things she might have felt that I would have had trouble understanding. Right now it is still an ugly time as racism rears it’s cancerous head. One day we will live in peace. Keep on writing and educating, Ms. Carroll.

Revealing

I'm glad she narrated her story. No one could tell it like she did. I've often wondered what life is like being a biracial child. This story is so revealing. I experienced varied emotions listening to it. When is the world going to stop being like this for black & biracial people?

Moving Tale of Courage and Strength

This was such a jaw dropping, moving and inspirational read. Your courage and strength moved me to tears.

Excellent Story

I was riveted by her story and how she was able to see the importance of her blackness in spite of her upbringing and her bio mother’s toxicity! I relate so much to her.

Great story

This book is not for the impatient. The author takes her time and skillfully situates the reader into her story. She challenges our perceptions of what being a black child raised by white people in a white world can feel like.