The Power of Strangers

The Benefits of Connecting in a Suspicious World

By: Joe Keohane

Narrated by: Jonathan Todd Ross

Length: 12 hrs and 51 mins

Publisher's summary

A “meticulously researched and buoyantly written” (Esquire) look at what happens when we talk to strangers, and why it affects everything from our own health and well-being to the rise and fall of nations in the tradition of Susan Cain’s Quiet and Yuval Noah Harari’s Sapiens

“This lively, searching work makes the case that welcoming ‘others’ isn’t just the bedrock of civilization, it’s the surest path to the best of what life has to offer.” (Ayad Akhtar, Pulitzer Prize-winning author of Homeland Elegies)

In our cities, we stand in silence at the pharmacy and in check-out lines at the grocery store, distracted by our phones, barely acknowledging one another, even as rates of loneliness skyrocket. Online, we retreat into ideological silos reinforced by algorithms designed to serve us only familiar ideas and like-minded users. In our politics, we are increasingly consumed by a fear of people we’ve never met. But what if strangers - so often blamed for our most pressing political, social, and personal problems - are actually the solution?

In The Power of Strangers, Joe Keohane sets out on a journey to discover what happens when we bridge the distance between us and people we don’t know. He learns that while we’re wired to sometimes fear, distrust, and even hate strangers, people and societies that have learned to connect with strangers benefit immensely. Digging into a growing body of cutting-edge research on the surprising social and psychological benefits that come from talking to strangers, Keohane finds that even passing interactions can enhance empathy, happiness, and cognitive development, ease loneliness and isolation, and root us in the world, deepening our sense of belonging. And all the while, Keohane gathers practical tips from experts on how to talk to strangers and tries them out himself in the wild, to awkward, entertaining, and frequently poignant effect.

Warm, witty, erudite, and profound, equal parts sweeping history and self-help journey, this deeply researched book will inspire listeners to see everything - from major geopolitical shifts to trips to the corner store - in an entirely new light, showing them that talking to strangers isn’t just a way to live; it’s a way to survive.

©2021 Joe Keohane (P)2021 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

“This is one of those remarkable books you may not realize you’re going to love (or need) until you’re well into it. The Power of Strangers is deeply and gamely researched, lucidly and engagingly written (as if by a pal), informative, thought-provoking, playful, useful, and possibly life-changing. What a great way to start the post-pandemic.” (Kurt Andersen, author of Fantasyland and Evil Geniuses)

“In a thrilling, immersive journey across time and continents, Keohane upends everything we thought we knew about the people we don’t know.” (Will Storr, author of The Science of Storytelling)

“Thank Zeus, human nature, and the brilliant Joe Keohane for The Power of Strangers, an illuminating, witty - and dare I say life-affirming - blend of psychology, anthropology, and lived human experience. I never knew, before now, why strangers are chattier at farmers markets than in supermarkets, or why the vital and broadly applicable craft of listening (and the gift of being listened to) feels so good. God knows this book is timely and necessary, in this struggling republic of ours. I not only love it, I'm grateful for it.” (Paige Williams, staff writer for The New Yorker and author of The Dinosaur Artist: Obsession, Science, and the Global Quest for Fossils)

great perspective to get out of your head

enjoyed hearing the exercises they tried. lots of great workable takeaways to apply immediately and the history gives nice context to human behaviour. a little long, but I'm not mad.

Theory and Practice to Enrich Connections

I am a school counselor, and I appreciate this advice to look up from our screens or the ground and learn to appreciate the benefits of simple acknowledgement and connection.

Thank you!

Wow, what a great audio book

Great narrator. Answered many of my questions and then some. Read to open up more.

Thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish

This book covered in great detail the science, history, and philosophies of talking to strangers. It is one of the longest audio books I’ve listened to, but I still found myself engaged with every chapter.

I stumbled on this book seeing it was mentioned in a news article about talking to strangers. Socializing has never been a strength of mine, and something I’ve wanted to improve. I also have found myself recently craving to talk and connect with people, so the book definitely peaked my interest.

For people who don’t have the time or patience to read or listen for 13 hours, you can skip to the chapters that share tips to improve talking with strangers.

I’d recommend it to my friends, I feel it definitely changed my perspective and shared very helpful tools and tips to improve communicating and strengthen connections with people you’re meeting or encountering for the first time.

Fabulous Book!

Humans need connection with other humans. Communicating mostly thru the internet and social media has taken away the human connection, thus creating loneliness, depression, bias and misunderstanding of others, and thus separation. This book shows us how to connect again. Great read, and hopefully will make a small difference.

Great Non-Fiction

My favorite thing about this book is that it is non-fiction but it’s not sterile. There’s humor and wit and inspiration while also containing facts. Very enjoyable!

Interesante pero podría ser más corto

El libro y el tema son muy es interesante pero se extiende demasiado en los temas, haciendo el libro algo aburrido

The power of a great book

I was expecting to learn generally what it took to have better conversations but this book offered so much more. In reading this book not only did I learn so much about the information the author shared but it gave me insight into myself in a way that was completely unexpected. I finished the book feeling as inspired and energized as I did informed and challenged.

Timely advice about meeting strangers

Recommended by a good friend who is smarter than I, this is a book I seriously doubt I would have picked up absent her prompting. (For those who know me, you’re probably thinking “we’re ALL smarter than you!”) It’s actually a great book about an interesting topic, i.e., talking to strangers. The personal context for my 5 star assessment is that I am an introvert who also suffers (!) from social anxiety. As often as possible, I also take long solo wilderness trips. So, yes, I am someone who makes a habit of avoiding meeting or otherwise interacting with strangers. (Perversely, my introversion makes interactions with strangers almost inevitable given how few people I actually know.) With respect to the book, it’s an interesting look at why people tend to avoid, and often fear, strangers. Using a variety of both formal and informal studies, Keohane demonstrates how the not-so-simple act of engaging strangers in conversations can lead to multiple positive outcomes, especially for the individuals involved, but also for their community/ies. His findings were particularly perplexing when noting that some cultures can be extraordinarily welcoming to strangers, while at the same time being very leery of them. Of interest to me was the universal use of introductory customs between strangers that either allay stranger-danger fears or, in their absence, set the stage for conflict. I also enjoyed understanding how we use ritualized greetings that break the ice but typically close off anything beyond superficial interactions unless, he stresses, we take positive steps to push beyond the defenses we tend to use with people we don’t know. Some are quite simple but, require some degree of courage to implement. (I listened to much of this book while walking in my neighborhood, alternately taking pains to not even look at some people walking by, while at other times actively looking to greet some people I passed.) A point the author hammers home is that we humans need each other, and despite our fears, are better off the more we engage with people we don’t know. He believes these one-on-one interactions are more important now than ever before because of how technology allows, if not encourages, us to retreat into our inner selves. Also, in a time of polarization, he contends that we must make an effort to meet and engage with strangers to overcome ever worsening political divides. In the words of the publisher, when looking at “a growing body of cutting-edge research on the surprising social and psychological benefits that come from talking to strangers, Keohane finds that even passing interactions can enhance empathy, happiness, and cognitive development, ease loneliness and isolation, and root us in the world, deepening our sense of belonging. And all the while, Keohane gathers practical tips from experts on how to talk to strangers, and tries them out himself in the wild, to awkward, entertaining, and frequently poignant effect.”

Disappointed

The book goes into extraneous detail and sometimes “rabbit holes” that are only distantly related to the topic.