Things Were Easier Before You Became a Giant F-----g Mantis
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Things Were Easier Before You Became a Giant F-----g Mantis
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Narrated by:
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Robert "Rein" Ramsay
About this listen
“You’ll never look at a mantis the same way again. Especially if you intend to fuck or marry it.” (Sean Hawker, Author of The Captive Dwarf)
Growing up is never easy, especially when the person you love is turning into a giant f-----g mantis.
Jacoboby Bentley and his friends know little of life outside the Super Mantis Killas (SMK). Their day to day lives consist of drinking cheap booze, good drugs, video games, and the occasional mantis-beatdown.
But when Jacoboby’s girlfriend and long-term best friend, Millie, starts to become a mantis, he finds himself questioning everything he has been raised to believe in, unsure of where his loyalties lie. It would be easy to treat her like any other manti-person—regular beatings, chase her out of town, eventually kill her—but is that really what he wants? Or is he willing to turn his back on everyone and everything that he’s ever known in order to spend the rest of his life with her, facing the wrath and retribution of the clan?
Things Were Easier Before You Became a Giant F-----g Mantis shoves you into a bizarre world populated by manti-people, clansmen, and a happy little gnome that you would definitely not want to leave alone with your child.
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-
The Importance of Being Alice
- By: Katie MacAlister
- Narrated by: Saskia Maarleveld, Brian Hutchison
- Length: 9 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 223
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 203
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 202
Nothing about Alice Wood's life is normal right now. Her fiancé Patrick called off their wedding and relationship only days before their nonrefundable wedding trip. And though a luxurious European river cruise for one is just what she needs, it's not what she gets... Due to a horrible misunderstanding, Alice is now cramped in her "romantic" suite with one of Patrick's friends.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Simply Dreadful
- By Elizabeth on 02-09-15
By: Katie MacAlister
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Ramen Assassin
- By: Rhys Ford
- Narrated by: Kale Williams
- Length: 7 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 442
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 412
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 412
Instead, he’s dodging bullets and wondering how the hell he ended up back in the Black Ops lifestyle he left behind him. After rescuing former child star Trey Bishop from a pair of thugs in the middle of the night, he knows it’s time to pick up his gun again. But it seems trouble isn’t done with Trey, and Kuro can’t quite let go...of either the gun or Trey Bishop.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Another excellent story by Rhys Ford and narrating by Kale Williams
- By Kindle Customer on 09-15-19
By: Rhys Ford
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Forgotten: Luca
- The Four, Book 1
- By: Sloane Kennedy
- Narrated by: Michael Dean
- Length: 9 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 287
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 272
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 272
I left him behind because I had no choice.... That's what I keep telling myself, but it doesn't make it any easier to sleep at night...or to drown out the words he kept repeating over and over the day we'd met: I just want to go home. That was eight long years ago and I'd only known him as Billy, a terrified 14-year-old I'd had to leave behind to save someone else. But his name wasn't Billy and he's no longer a frightened kid lost in a world where he was nothing more than a possession.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Disjointed and unoriginal
- By MzBond on 05-05-20
By: Sloane Kennedy
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Under the Water
- By: Paul Pen, Simon Bruni - translator
- Narrated by: James Daniels
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 115
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 102
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Story4 out of 5 stars 101
From the outside, Frank and Grace seem to have the perfect family. He’s a loving husband, she’s a devoted wife, and together they have two happy children. But appearances can be deceiving. A strange series of misfortunes has left them reeling: an unexplained break-in, a catastrophic handgun accident, and a bizarre poisoning that’s left Grace feeling especially unnerved. Packing up their RV for a move across the country, they’re ready for a fresh start, expecting to leave all their problems safely behind.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Good syuff
- By Kindle V C on 10-12-19
By: Paul Pen, and others
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Sundered
- By: Shannon Mayer
- Narrated by: Heather Firth, Jamie Renell
- Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 37
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 34
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Story5 out of 5 stars 33
My name is Mara, and I want desperately to become a mother. All of my dreams were dashed when the world was promised hope but instead became a place of danger, death...and monsters. Nevermores, human but feral and lethal creatures with a thirst for flesh, have arisen from the ashes of human hope. Now co-inhabitants in this new world, I am gaining ground in my understanding of them just as I am forced to face a new threat from the local militia.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Why?
- By Lisa K on 12-16-20
By: Shannon Mayer
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Permanent Midnight
- A Memoir (20th Anniversary Edition)
- By: Jerry Stahl, Nic Sheff - foreword
- Narrated by: Jerry Stahl, Scott Merriman
- Length: 11 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 84
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 81
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 80
A searing confessional infused with the darkest humor, Permanent Midnight chronicles the opiated abyss of a Hollywood screenwriter and his formidable climb into sobriety. Made into a major motion picture starring Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson, Permanent Midnight is revered by critics and an ever-growing cult of devoted fans as one of the most compelling contemporary memoirs.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Point deduction for the recording
- By Amazon Customer on 11-21-20
By: Jerry Stahl, and others
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Stranded
- By: Chris Bruno, David Howard Lee, Shukri R. Abdi
- Narrated by: Taraji P. Henson, Tracee Ellis Ross, Blake Griffin, and others
- Length: 2 hrs and 7 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,556
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,532
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,532
Separated by 10 years, 3,000 miles, and the unrelenting stresses of adulthood, best friends Janet and Serena plan a 40th birthday girls’ trip to reconnect. But after a massive crash, they’re the only survivors to wash ashore on an uncharted Caribbean Island. Armed with only the clothes on their backs and zero survival skills, they fight to overcome hunger, thirst, deadly wildlife—and most terrifyingly—decades of accrued resentment. Can they find their way home, or will they kill each other first?
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5 out of 5 stars
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Get ready to Laugh
- By Lasheree McFarlane on 11-08-24
By: Chris Bruno, and others
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The Answer Is No
- A Short Story
- By: Fredrik Backman, Elizabeth DeNoma - translator
- Narrated by: Stacy Gonzalez
- Length: 1 hr and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 321
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 307
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Story4 out of 5 stars 307
Lucas knows the perfect night entails just three things: video games, wine, and pad thai. Peanuts are a must! Other people? Not so much. Why complicate things when he’s happy alone? Then one day the apartment board, a vexing trio of authority, rings his doorbell. And Lucas’s solitude takes a startling hike. They demand to see his frying pan. Someone left one next to the recycling room overnight, and instead of removing the errant object, as Lucas suggests, they insist on finding the guilty party. But their plan backfires. Colossally.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Narrator doesn’t get Backman’s satire or rhythm
- By joey1603 on 12-01-24
By: Fredrik Backman, and others
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The Best Man's Ghostwriter
- By: Matthew Starr
- Narrated by: Glen Powell, Nicholas Braun, Ashley Park, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 37 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,307
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,268
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,268
A bad best man’s speech can ruin a wedding. Why do we plan every detail of a perfect day and then give the groom’s idiot best friend five minutes of total power? Enter Nate (Glen Powell), a speechwriter-for-hire who helps people write incredible best man speeches. To keep the best man from embarrassing himself (and the newlyweds), Nate uses his list of don’ts: Don’t mention the exes, don’t be rated R, and don’t bum everyone out. Nate’s system never fails. That is, until he meets Dan (Nicholas Braun).
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5 out of 5 stars
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SO GOOD
- By Csutty on 09-23-24
By: Matthew Starr
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Born a Crime
- Stories from a South African Childhood
- By: Trevor Noah
- Narrated by: Trevor Noah
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 215,369
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 194,839
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Story5 out of 5 stars 193,870
In this award-winning Audible Studios production, Trevor Noah tells his wild coming-of-age tale during the twilight of apartheid in South Africa. It’s a story that begins with his mother throwing him from a moving van to save him from a potentially fatal dispute with gangsters, then follows the budding comedian’s path to self-discovery through episodes both poignant and comical.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great book and perfect narration
- By MarilynArms on 12-15-16
By: Trevor Noah
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Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 19,015
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 16,998
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 16,973
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
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4 out of 5 stars
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Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
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The Great Indoors
- By: Ginny Hogan
- Narrated by: Mae Whitman
- Length: 3 hrs and 53 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 408
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 401
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Story4 out of 5 stars 401
Alice's journey begins as all good journeys do: hitting on the sales guy at REI. After a tumultuous breakup, a quick career transition, family upheaval, and a sobriety journey that didn't fix her life quite as much as she expected it to, Alice decides that the only way to solve all her problems is to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. But as she begins preparing for the months-long quest, she realizes the answers she's seeking might not be on top of a snow-covered mountain. Especially since she just learned there was snow in California.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Chuck full of laughs to lift anyone's spirits.
- By Laura Boogaert on 09-22-24
By: Ginny Hogan
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Very Unbecoming
- By: Emily Kron, Kate Hopkins
- Narrated by: Zoë Chao, Esther Povitsky, Amy Sedaris
- Length: 4 hrs and 31 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 205
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 202
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 202
When two childhood best friends blow up their respective romantic relationships, they make a time-sensitive pact: serial-cheater Chuck cannot sleep with anyone as she attends a three-month-long recovery group for cheaters, while sex-deprived Sofia vows to hook up with as many people as possible before recommitting to monogamy and tying the knot with her long-time fiancé. To keep things interesting, Chuck and Sofia decide to revive a past tradition from their summer camp days—also known as the dawning of sluthood.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Hilarious
- By Rachel on 11-21-24
By: Emily Kron, and others
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The True Story of The Coward Brothers
- By: Elvis Costello
- Narrated by: T Bone Burnett, Elvis Costello, Rhea Seehorn, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 43 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 69
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 67
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Story4 out of 5 stars 67
The True Story of The Coward Brothers follows two musical brothers – one English, one American, both the illegitimate sons of dubious parentage who may, as they claim to be, "one and half-brothers" – perhaps a reference to the disparity in their height and relative talents.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Cute
- By NRo on 11-26-24
By: Elvis Costello
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I Can't Make This Up
- Life Lessons
- By: Neil Strauss - contributor, Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 56,027
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 50,469
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 50,213
Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
What listeners say about Things Were Easier Before You Became a Giant F-----g Mantis
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Amanda
- 01-26-23
hilarious from start to finish
This book is so ridiculous but keeps you laughing. Definitely not work friendly if you listen to audiobooks while you work.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Crystal C
- 01-24-23
So much fun!
Now this is one of the funniest stories I have ever had the pleasure to encounter. Kept me entertained from start to finish! This was weird af and I loved it! Clarke is a gem!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Lexie McDonough
- 08-02-23
bizarro horror with social commentary
Things Were Easier Before Youe Became a Giant Fucking Mantis by Matthew Clarke was another killer story that hits on social commentary. Bizarro horror with some very real hitting circumstances but with humans and praying mantises. This is just one you have to read to get. But when I finished it, I told Matt it kind of reminded me of American History X.....which he's never seen, and I'm still concerned about that. A story about internal bias, murder, racism, and a hate group. If you're like me and enjoy the social commentary in your horror pick this up ASAP.
Narrated by Robert "Rein" Ramsay was perfect. One of those narrators who really keep you enthralled in the story. I hope to hear more from him.
I received this audiobook for free in return for an honest review.
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