Too Tired to Fight

13 Essential Conflicts Parents Must Have to Keep Their Relationship Strong

By: Erin Mitchell MACP, Stephen Mitchell PhD

Narrated by: Erin Mitchell MACP, Stephen Mitchell PhD, Henriette Zoutomou, Jay Myers, Leiana Bertrand, James Fouhey

Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins

Publisher's summary

How couples with kids can transform 13 common relationship fights into closer connection, from popular Instagram counselors Erin and Stephen Mitchell (@couples.counseling.for.parents).

Parenting changes a couple’s relationship in fundamental ways, but most parents are too exhausted from the demands of life, work, and engaging their kids to prioritize their relationship. This can lead to repeated conflict and an overwhelming sense of anxiety, anger, hurt, and loneliness…just when you need your partner’s support the most. The good news: conflict is actually a sign that you are trying to connect with your partner—you’re just stuck in an old pattern of communication.

In Too Tired to Fight, Erin and Stephen Mitchell use their 20-plus years of counseling experience to walk couples through the 13 conflicts that are not just normal but necessary to keep a partnership strong once kids enter the picture, including:

• The “Your Parenting Is Wrong” Conflict
• The “I’m More Tired Than You” Conflict
• The “Stop Choosing Your Family Over Ours” Conflict
• The “Sex Life? What Sex Life?” Conflict

In each scenario, they show how this conflict plays out—and offer scripts, questions for reflection, and their tried-and-true Conflict to Connection Equation that couples can use in the moment to communicate true repair and resolution. Their secret: by expressing your feelings and intentionally listening to your partner—not just venting or reacting to your stress-response system—you can work through the “pain points” of parenthood together and actually make your relationship happier and healthier as a result.

©2024 Erin Mitchell, MACP and Stephen Mitchell, PhD (P)2024 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

"Too Tired to Fight provides practical guidance for couples to improve their communication skills. This book is an incredible toolkit that offers tangible examples to navigate tricky conversations and build stronger relationships. By following their strategies, couples can foster deeper understanding and resolve conflicts effectively.” —Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play

“This is first and foremost, not only a parenting book, but a relationship book so intelligent and on point that there are few readers who won't be able to identify with the subtle slights, control issues and genuine confusions over ‘what's fair’ that are present in virtually any relationship--only exacerbated when children enter the picture. Whether they are dealing with the wife convinced of her over-arching expertise or the husband unable to grasp the unspoken mental load of his partner, the Mitchells' genius is taking two people in gridlock with an ‘impossible’ partner....and turning them into empathic allies. When you are feeling overwhelmed and less than partnered by your co-parent, this book is the fast track to getting you back to operating as true friends on a shared mission.” —Nancy Dreyfus, Psy.D, author of Talk To Me Like I'm Someone You Love

“Your fights will never be the same after reading this book. You will learn how to transform these inevitable moments of conflict into opportunities for better communication, intimacy, and connection. You will also get the tools, insights, and scripts you need to turn this novel approach to conflict into a lasting habit.” —Kaley Klemp and Nate Klemp PhD, authors of The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Relationship

Profound read for ALL couples who are parents

In Too Tired to Fight, Erin and Stephen masterfully explore the complexities of conflicts within relationships during the parenting stage, making it a compelling read for anyone who has kids or is currently pregnant.

Each conflict is depicted so perfectly it fosters empathy for the side one might not initially relate to—a testament to the book's profound impact and intention that it's not about the conflict it's about finding a connection point.

The first conflict resonated so deeply with me, it brought back unresolved disputes with my partner, that we never fully resolved but simply outgrew. Listening to this chapter made my heart race as it exposed the unresolved feelings of being misunderstood. It made me wish we could re-do those arguments using the equation that Erin and Stephen so eloquently laid out.

One standout chapter dealt with the "touched out" argument. The suggestion of using a single moment as an indicator that each person is trying to show their love and effort was brilliant. If you know this phrase, you'll love this chapter.

Overall, I couldn't have loved this book more. It's not a one-time read but a resource to revisit as new challenges arise in your parenting and relationship journey.

Finally, my ultimate takeaway is that Erin and Stephen need a TV show. It would be so interesting and educational to see couples navigate these conflicts in real-time. It's not a simple conversation but a complex journey that could span multiple episodes. PRETTY PLEASE LET THIS HAPPEN!!!

Too Tired to Fight is a transformative read, offering profound insights into relationship dynamics and the importance of empathy, communication, and connection. Highly recommended for anyone seeking to deepen their understanding of both their partner and themselves and ultimately their relationship.