Faithfulness over Fruitfulness

Early on in my mentoring journey, I thought mentoring was like a math equation.

A + B = C

If I showed up + Gave them some wisdom = Growth in my mentee

If I’m being honest, in my naivite, I thought my presence would solve all of my mentees issues.

I thought, because of me, my mentee would improve academically.

They would grow spiritually.

It was only a matter of time before they became their best self.

But what happened when my mentee didn’t grow as fast as I thought they should? How would bad grades or negative behaviors affect our relationship? How would I respond when my mentee didn’t seem to care about what I had to say?

My friends Kyle and Mary mentored twelve kids when they were first married. They started with this group of young men when they were in junior high and continued to meet with them every Sunday until they graduated high school.

For years, they invested a ton into these young men, and the young men were extremely grateful for their hospitality, wisdom, and guidance. Except for one young man.

11 of the boys said thank you every week. 1 did not.

11 of the boys said the group changed their life. 1 did not.

11 of the boys grew academically and spiritually. 1 did not.

When the group game to an end, Kyle and Mary looked at each other and said “We sure did make a difference in 11 of the boys lives. Too bad we couldn’t reach that 1 boy.”

Fast forward about 20 years and Kyle is filling up with gas one afternoon. He sees a random man in his late thirties walking up to him. The man leans up against Kyle’s car and says:

“Excuse me. Is your name Kyle?”

Kyle says “Yes. Can I help you?”

The young man says “You probably don’t remember me, but I just wanted to say thank you. I sat in your house every Sunday night for years and didn’t say a word. I’m now a husband and a father and everything I know about leading my family I learned by being in your small group. I couldn’t say it then, but here my say it now. Thank you.”

And he walked off.

It was that 1 young man.

For decades, my friends thought that they had missed it with that young man. Because they focused on the fruit and what they could see in that young man, they thought they had failed. But the Lord had other plans.

Here’s the lesson:

So often in mentoring, we want to focus on the fruit of our efforts with our mentee. When the fruit doesn’t come, we can get discouraged. And when we get discouraged, often times we don’t show up as often and we even consider quitting.

We all want to see fruit.

We want to see our mentees mature.

Get good grades.

Come to faith.

Make good decisions.

But we can’t control that. All that we can control is being faithful. God’s in chatge of the rest.

You be faithful to show up, to encourage, and to listen. Be faithful to give them an example of Jesus everytime they see you. Be faithful to pray. To champion. To love unconditionally.

You toss the seeds. God causes the growth in his perfect timing. This takes a remarkable amount of faith, but we have to trust that God has a plan for your mentee and that he loves them more than we do.

In 1 Corinthians 3:6, Paul says “I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.

You may toss the seed, water the seed, and watch it grow. But often times, you play a part in the story of your mentee. You may toss the seed, but someone else may water it. And that’s ok.

Your mentee may rapidly improve and you may see fruit. Or, just like that one kid, you may not see any fruit and it may feel like a waste of time. But you never know what the Lord is doing underneath the hood. Often times, more is happening than we think.

In mentoring, focus on what you can control. Focus on being faithful, instead of being fruitful.

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