Creating a Foundation of Trust by Building a Safe Environment

Trust is the foundation of your mentoring relationship. Above all else, your mentee has to believe that you are good and that you want them to succeed.

The author Stephen Covey says “Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”

But what if your mentee has experienced hard times? What if there is trauma in their past or they have been betrayed by those who should have been taking care of them?

Because of their histories, it is often difficult for these children to trust the loving adults in their lives, which often results in perplexing behaviors.

While a variety of mentoring strategies may be successful with some children, children with histories of harm need caregiving that meets their unique needs and addresses the whole child.

That is why even some of the most successful parents are confused when what worked with their child does not work with their mentee.

Trust must be established between the mentor and the mentee before you can take any steps of progress in your mentoring relationship. And it can take some time. The reality is that some mentees trust their mentor in three weeks while it takes others over a year. But we can’t give up. We must continue to show up to build trust.

The best way to build trust is to create a safe environment.

Get down on their level.

Make eye contact with them.

Give them space and go at their pace.

Smile often.

Give appropriate touch.

Use words of affirmation often.

Undivided attention.

Be patient.

When your mentee raises their emotions, you stay calm. Listen to them.

This works with eight year olds and eighteen year olds. Even if they look like grown adults, we must always remember that they are still children on the inside.

This safe environment will create a nurturing relationship built on a foundation of trust.

For some of our kids, they are used to adults telling them all that they are doing wrong. Some rarely see an adult smile and take time out of their day to notice them. You get to be the exception.

Keep showing up with a smile on their face. Create a safe environment. Be a stable, consistent adult that they can count on. If your mentee lives in a world where chaos and instability is their normal, meet them with peace and stability.

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