Dating in the straight world often comes with a lot of gendered assumptions about who takes initiative, in what ways, and what sexual interactions look like. Unlearning these assumptions can be tough when beginning to pursue dates or relationships with queer folks.

Although Orion has had anonymous gay sex for two decades, he is just beginning to explore dating queer people in the light of day. In this episode, Orion interviews Vanessa, asking questions for advice on effective, kind and respectful ways to approach queer dating.

Vanessa is pansexual and has dated people of all genders, including queer and trans folks since she was 14. She caveats her perspective as limited to the life experience of a cisgender woman, including the suggestion that all dating interactions may be best approached from a beginner’s mindset, learning about each individual and their preferences.

Her proposals for respectful approaches to dating also have some universal application, including for straight men.

Being silly is often dismissed as frivolous, inappropriate and childish, incompatible with adult responsibilities. But a lot of research shows that silly play can be a life-giving activity, increasing creativity, reducing anxiety, and deepening social connections.

While T.Max has always enjoyed being silly in playful hobbies like snowboarding and skateboarding, over the last few years, they have begun applying the same mentality to BDSM kink play. Far from the popular imagination of BDSM as whips and screaming submission in a dungeon, T.Max describes an approach to kink that includes flowers, giggles, candles and easy-going exploration.

The approach to kink that T.Max describes is not for everyone, but it does offer an entry point to kink that may feel more accessible to many people. It also presents a mindset of curiosity and openness to asking and receiving no’s that allows for trying new things while still centering enthusiastic consent.

For many people, polyamory offers a host of benefits, like sexual and emotional freedom, deep connections with multiple people, and an abundance of love. However, it’s not without challenges, like balancing time between partners and managing jealousy and expectations.

The transition from monogamy to polyamory can be rocky for people new to an idea that isn’t often represented in media and societal expectations. Adrian describes their first transition into open relationships, including their initial struggle with self-doubt and shame. Eventually, they found other polyamorous partners and developed self-acceptance around their relationship desires. They also continued learning through the experience of dating a previously monogamous partner and exploring polyamory for the first time.

Today, Adrian leads a discussion and support group on health polyamory. Through this group, they have seen many couples new to polyamory studying and discussing how to enter this world. They share patterns they have observed and recommendations on how to best shed the “monogamy hangover” to enter into sustainable and positive non-monogamy.