There’s no way around it: stepfamily life is messier and more complex and far more confusing than life in a traditional family.

Based on my personal experience, a person could just about go crazy trying to make a blended family look or act or feel more like a traditional family. But if we’re able to kind of lean into that messiness instead of fighting against it, we can start to appreciate — and heck, maybe even enjoy — the complicated realities of stepfamily life.

Like, okay. I used to haaate that we only had my stepkid every other week. How were we ever supposed to feel like a “real” family when we were only together some of the time? Then over time, I started thinking wow, Dan & I get a lot of 1:1 couple time. This would never happen in a traditional family. And I started learning how to get more strategic during our kid-free time — using that break to recharge, to focus on my own kid, to put time & energy into my relationship with Dan.

Over time, I started feeling more grounded and settled. Less frazzled by transition days, less hung up on all the elements that made our family different.

So yeah, this is messy. But also can be kind of awesome, if we can learn to let some of our preconceptions go. If you need help with this, I put together a free stepparenting survival guide to get you started. xo

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