Why do so many men struggle to express emotion—and what happens to marriages when they do?

In this compelling episode of Marriage IQ, Drs. Heidi and Scott Hastings sit down with psychologist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, whose groundbreaking work on the emotional development of men and boys reveals surprising truths.

From toddler tears to marital tension, Dr. Vanderhorst explains how boys are taught early on to suppress tenderness, sadness, and fear—and how that emotional restriction shows up later in intimacy, conflict, and connection.

Together, they explore:💬Why boys are born more emotionally expressive than girls
💬 How culture trains men to mute their feelings
💬 What women can do to invite emotional depth without fear or shame
💬 Simple tools (like “feeling words” lists) to help families nurture emotional fluencyIt’s an eye-opening conversation about healing generations of emotional silence—and building marriages where men and women can truly feel, connect, and grow together.We love hearing from you!

Have a question, topic idea, or feedback? Email us at ⁠⁠hello@marriageiq.com⁠⁠

You can find Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst and learn more about his work at : ⁠www.drvanderhorst.com

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What happens when your childhood story starts running your marriage? Therapist and podcast host Malisa Hepner knows that answer firsthand. With a 10/10 ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) score and a lifetime of chaos, Malisa learned how unresolved trauma quietly scripts adult relationships—until we rewrite the story.

In this powerful episode, Malisa joins Dr. Heidi and Dr. Scott Hastings to unpack how early wounds shape identity, love, and self-worth—and how healing begins when we stop performing for approval and start cultivating self-compassion. You’ll discover:
💡 Why “quiet” marriages can feel unsafe for trauma survivors
💡 How to recognize when you’re projecting pain instead of perceiving reality
💡 Why real accountability isn’t shame—it’s self-love in action
💡 And the simple mindset shift that transforms reactivity into peace

This episode will speak to anyone who’s ever felt “too much,” “not enough,” or stuck in survival mode inside their relationship.

🎧 Tune in for a masterclass in healing, insight, and radical self-responsibility—because you can’t have peace in your marriage if you don’t have it in your spirit.

We love hearing from you!

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In Part 2 of our Myth Busting series, Heidi and Scott take a research-driven (and very real) look at the narratives that quietly sabotage marriages—especially in faith-based homes.

We unpack why “righteous = immune to hardship,” “waiting for marriage = great sex,” “sacrifice is always good,” “money will fix us (or we must wait till we’re ‘stable’),” “church attendance = trust,” and “betrayal means the marriage is over” don’t always hold up.

You’ll hear what the science says, what Heidi’s dissertation revealed, and practical ways to build honesty, sexual agency, and resilient intimacy.We love hearing from you!

Have a question, topic idea, or feedback? Email us at ⁠⁠⁠hello@marriageiq.com⁠⁠⁠

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We all have stories we tell ourselves about what a “good” marriage should look like—but what if some of them are steering us wrong?

In this Marriage IQ episode, Drs. Heidi and Scott Hastings take a light-hearted yet thought-provoking look at the hidden assumptions that shape how we love, fight, and grow. They blend humor with research to show why some familiar ideas sound right but fall flat—and how shifting your perspective can actually bring you closer together.

This is part one of a two-part series—tune in Friday when Heidi shares her take from a female and faith-based lens.

We love hearing from you!

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What if the very thing that makes your marriage feel safe is also what’s slowly draining its passion? In Part 2 of our fascinating conversation with psychologist and author Dr. Bruce Chalmer, we dive deep into the “death spiral” of passion—how couples who over-prioritize stability can accidentally shut down intimacy and feel miles apart.You’ll learn:
💔 Why emotional distance often feels like depression
🧠 How to pull back and see your relationship from a new perspective
🙏 The power of faith—religious or not—as a mindset for resilience
💬 How to apply Bruce’s 7-word formula: Be kind. Don’t panic. Have faith.Whether your marriage feels stuck or you’re simply ready to reignite your spark, this episode will help you find meaning in the mess, courage in the chaos, and connection in the conflict.

We love hearing from you!

Have a question, topic idea, or feedback? Email us at ⁠hello@marriageiq.com⁠

You can find Dr. Bruce Chalmer and learn more about his work at : https://brucechalmer.com/

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Psychologist and author Dr. Bruce Chalmer joins us to share wisdom from 30+ years of helping couples heal, grow, and reignite intimacy.

We talk about his “Passion Paradox,” the balance between stability and intimacy, and how different perspectives—including his Jewish faith—expand our understanding of love and marriage.

In this conversation, we explore:

✅How his own life experiences shaped his approach to therapy.

✅Why marriage struggles are opportunities for growth, not just problems to solve.

✅The “Passion Paradox”—why couples crave both stability and intimacy, and how balancing the two can transform relationships.

✅How different perspectives—including his Jewish faith background—enrich our understanding of love and marriage.

Dr. Chalmer is the author of three insightful books—Betrayal and Forgiveness, It’s Not About Communication!, and Reigniting the Spark—all written to help couples heal, grow, and reignite intimacy.

He also co-hosts the Couples Therapy in Seven Words podcast with his wife, Judy Alexander, where together they bring humor, honesty, and practical guidance to the challenges every couple faces.

We love hearing from you!

Have a question, topic idea, or feedback? Email us at hello@marriageiq.com

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In Part 1, we uncovered the 10 distorted thought patterns—like all-or-nothing thinking, mind reading, and “should” statements—that can quietly sabotage your marriage.

Now in Part 2, Dr. Heidi and Dr. Scott Hastings take you deeper. You’ll learn how distorted thoughts trigger painful emotions, fuel destructive behaviors, and create self-fulfilling prophecies in marriage. More importantly, you’ll discover practical Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) tools to rewrite those thoughts, challenge false beliefs, and reframe the story you’re telling yourself about your spouse.

Download Melanie's Mood Log: Find specific directions and a direct link to a copy of the mood log on the show notes page - https://feelinggood.com/2018/03/05/078-five-simple-ways-to-boost-your-happiness-5-you-can-change-the-way-you-feel/

Explore the Book "When Panic Attacks": For a deeper dive, David Burns talks extensively about the use of Mood Logs in Chapter 6 of his book, When Panic Attacks. https://www.amazon.com/When-Panic-Attacks-Drug-Free-Anxiety/dp/076792083X/

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Struggling with negative thinking in your marriage? Ever catch yourself thinking “I’m unlovable,” “We always fight,” or “Our marriage will never get better”? In this episode of Marriage IQ, Dr. Heidi and Dr. Scott Hastings break down the 10 distorted thought patterns that damage relationships—like all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, mind-reading, and “should” statements.

Drawing on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and real-life client stories, they’ll show you how these hidden thought patterns fuel conflict, anxiety, and disconnection—and give you simple tools to stop them. Learn how to challenge negative thoughts, reframe your story, and build a stronger, healthier marriage.

Learn how to clean your “mental lenses,” calm explosive emotions, see truth, and create a marriage that feels safe, connected, and full of love.

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