Many people assume that intimacy is simply about physical connection, but what happens when emotional distance, unresolved issues, and years of disconnection begin to erode a relationship from the inside out?

In this episode of The D Shift, Mardi Winder sits down with sex and intimacy coach Xanet Pailet to discuss one of the most overlooked aspects of relationships. Drawing from her personal experience of spending 26 years in a sexless marriage and her professional work helping couples reconnect, Xanet shares valuable insights about emotional intimacy, communication, self-awareness, and creating healthier relationships after divorce.

Whether you are currently in a relationship, considering divorce, or rebuilding your life afterward, this conversation offers practical wisdom for understanding the role intimacy plays in long-term relationship success.

This episode highlights:

• Why intimacy challenges are more common than most people realize

• The emotional impact of living in a disconnected relationship

• How unresolved issues can affect future relationships

• The connection between communication and intimacy

• Rebuilding trust and connection after divorce

• Common relationship patterns that follow people into new relationships

• Creating healthier and more fulfilling relationships moving forward

About the Guest:

Xanet Pailet is a nationally recognized Sex and Intimacy Coach, bestselling author and the founder of Passionate Intimacy Retreats. After leaving a 26-year sexless marriage Xanet now helps committed couples who feel stuck, disconnected, or in conflict transform their relationships into ones filled with intimacy, safety, passion, and joy.

For Xanet’s book: https://a.co/d/0gYuFzO6

To connect with Xanet:

Website: https://www.passionateintimacyretreats.com/

Instagram: @xanetpop

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/xanet-pailet-2b464671/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjgLul94hbzGu3X5-QBxrjg/featured/featured

About the Host

Mardi Winder is a Strategic Divorce Consultant and High-Conflict Divorce Coach who helps high-achieving individuals navigate divorce with clarity, confidence, and control. Drawing on more than 30 years of experience in mediation, divorce coaching and conflict resolution, she supports clients in making smart decisions while reducing emotional and financial fallout, particularly in high-conflict, high-asset and complex divorces. Mardi is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC, and the Strategic Divorce Directory, LLC.

For Mardi’s gift: The Resilience Building Blueprint: A 28-Day Journey To A Stronger You https://www.divorcecoach4women.com/rbb

Connect with Mardi on Social Media:

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Divorcecoach4women

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mardiwinderadams/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoach4women/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@divorcecoach4women

Thanks for Listening!

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.

Do you have feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below!

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One of the greatest challenges after divorce is communication, especially when co-parenting with a high-conflict ex. Every text message, email, or notification can trigger anxiety, frustration, and emotional exhaustion.

In this episode of The D Shift, Mardi Winder welcomes Sol Kennedy, founder of BestInterest, an innovative AI-powered co-parenting app designed to reduce conflict and help parents focus on what matters most: their children.

After experiencing his own difficult divorce, Sol set out to create a tool that shields parents from toxic communication while preserving the information they actually need to effectively co-parent. The result is a unique platform that is changing the way divorced parents communicate.

If you struggle with difficult co-parenting conversations, emotional triggers, or constant conflict, this episode offers practical insights and a glimpse into how technology may help reduce stress during one of life's most challenging transitions.

Sol shares:

• Why communication becomes so difficult after divorce

• The emotional toll of high-conflict co-parenting

• How toxic messages impact mental health and decision making

• The story behind the creation of the BestInterest app

• How AI can help filter conflict and reduce emotional triggers

• Protecting your peace while still effectively co-parenting

• Why self-love and healing remain essential after divorce

About the Guest:

Sol Kennedy is a former Google product manager, a devoted dad, and the founder of BestInterest—the AI co-parenting app endorsed by Dr. Ramani. After navigating his own high-conflict divorce, Sol built the tool he wished he’d had: an app that acts as an emotional shield, filtering out toxic messages and leaving only what matters: the kids. WIRED calls BestInterest "life saving" for coparents experiencing conflict. Through his app and his podcast, Coparenting Beyond Conflict, Sol helps parents set boundaries, reduce daily anxiety, and build a future where they can proudly sit at their child's graduation without a lifetime of resentment.

For Sol’s gift: Use when purchasing BestInterest on any app platform: DSHIFT10 - $10 off BestInterest for Coparents

To connect with Sol:

Website: https://bestinterest.app

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bestinterest.app/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/bestinterestapp/

About the Host

Mardi Winder is a Strategic Divorce Consultant and High-Conflict Divorce Coach who helps high-achieving individuals navigate divorce with clarity, confidence, and control. Drawing on more than 30 years of experience in mediation, divorce coaching and conflict resolution, she supports clients in making smart decisions while reducing emotional and financial fallout, particularly in high-conflict, high-asset and complex divorces. Mardi is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC, and the Strategic Divorce Directory, LLC.

For Mardi’s gift: The Resilience Building Blueprint: A 28-Day Journey To A Stronger You https://www.divorcecoach4women.com/rbb

Connect with Mardi on Social Media:

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Divorcecoach4women

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mardiwinderadams/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoach4women/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@divorcecoach4women

Thanks for Listening!

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.

Do you have feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below!

Subscribe to the Podcast

If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app.

Leave an Apple Podcast Review

Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.

Most relationships do not end because two people suddenly stop loving each other. More often, relationships slowly become disconnected through repeated misunderstandings, emotional triggers, unresolved resentment, and communication patterns that quietly erode trust over time.

In this episode of The D Shift, Mardi Winder welcomes back Nancy Perpall to discuss her new book, The Malnourished Marriage, and the powerful food metaphor she uses to explain what relationships truly need to survive and thrive.

After more than three decades as a divorce attorney, Nancy shares why she shifted her focus from helping people end marriages to helping couples better understand how relationships break down in the first place. Drawing from both science and real-world experience, she explains how the early dopamine-driven stage of relationships often blinds people to issues that later become major points of conflict once everyday life takes over.

The conversation explores the emotional “nutrients” that relationships require, including communication, trust, compromise, intimacy, laughter, and emotional safety. Nancy explains why communication functions like water in a relationship and how words can either flow or crash depending on how people approach difficult conversations.

Together, they also unpack the role childhood core wounds play in adult relationships and why people often unknowingly trigger each other’s deepest insecurities during moments of stress or conflict. Rather than viewing compromise as weakness, Nancy reframes it as compassion and understanding for another person’s perspective.

Nancy highlights how:

• Early relationship chemistry often masks incompatibilities and unresolved issues

• Communication can either create connection or intensify emotional damage, depending on how words are used

• Childhood core wounds frequently influence adult relationship dynamics and conflict patterns

• Compromise is not weakness but compassion for another person’s perspective

• Laughter, playfulness, and emotional intimacy are essential parts of long-term relationship health

About the Guest:

Nancy Perpall began her professional career as a critical care nurse. Dedicated to instituting better patient outcomes she contributed to a textbook, Advanced Concepts In Clinical Nursing (J.B. Lippincott). However, to get the rural hospital she was working at to accept those protocols she was told that since she was not a doctor, who were the only ones who could change protocols, she should go to law school since "people listen to lawyers". As a nurse-attorney, Nancy has appeared on radio shows, podcasts, and TV and has published extensively.

To connect with Nancy:

Website: https://nancyperpall.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nancyperpall/

About the Host

Mardi Winder is a Strategic Divorce Consultant and High-Conflict Divorce Coach who helps high-achieving individuals navigate divorce with clarity, confidence, and control. Drawing on more than 30 years of experience in mediation, divorce coaching and conflict resolution, she supports clients in making smart decisions while reducing emotional and financial fallout, particularly in high-conflict, high-asset and complex divorces. Mardi is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC, and the Strategic Divorce Directory, LLC.

For Mardi’s gift: The Resilience Building Blueprint: A 28-Day Journey To A Stronger You https://www.divorcecoach4women.com/rbb

Connect with Mardi on Social Media:

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Divorcecoach4women

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mardiwinderadams/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoach4women/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@divorcecoach4women

Thanks for Listening!

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.

Do you have feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below!

Subscribe to the Podcast

If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app.

Leave an Apple Podcast Review

Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.

Divorce and heartbreak often leave people asking one difficult question: what now? While many rush toward the next relationship hoping to escape loneliness or pain, others begin realizing that healing, self-awareness, and personal growth may be the most important work they can do before starting over again.

In this episode of The D Shift, Mardi Winder speaks with Lionel Moses about relationships, identity, emotional healing, and the concept of “purposeful singleness.”

After experiencing two divorces himself, Lionel shares how he stopped viewing divorce as failure and instead began using those experiences as opportunities for deeper self-reflection and growth. Rather than focusing only on relationship theory or surface-level advice, the conversation explores the practical realities of learning who you are outside of a relationship and why so many people unknowingly repeat unhealthy patterns when they avoid doing that work.

Together, they discuss the difference between simply being single and intentionally using singleness as a season for healing, growth, and honest self-assessment. Lionel explains how many people spend years studying their partners while never truly learning themselves, which often leads to people pleasing, emotional exhaustion, and relationships built around performance rather than authenticity.

Mardi and Lionel share how:

• Purposeful singleness creates space for healing, reflection, and self-discovery after divorce

• Many people enter relationships knowing their partner better than they know themselves

• Healing after divorce requires honesty, intentionality, and emotional self-awareness

• Relationship patterns often repeat when people avoid processing pain from previous relationships

• Gender expectations and societal roles still impact modern relationships in significant ways

About the Guest:

Lionel Moses stands out because he combines his real-world experience with a passion for teaching the 'heart of rediscovery.' He offers pragmatic, relationship-focused strategies and levity techniques to boost morale and self-identity, drawing from his personal 'aha moment' about the power of connection.

For Lionel’s gift: https://www.themarriageseed.com/ Discount Code: DSHIFT15

To connect with Lionel:

Website: https://www.lionelmoses.com/

Website: https://www.themarriageseed.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100068053150680

About the Host

Mardi Winder is a Strategic Divorce Consultant and High-Conflict Divorce Coach who helps high-achieving individuals navigate divorce with clarity, confidence, and control. Drawing on more than 30 years of experience in mediation, divorce coaching and conflict resolution, she supports clients in making smart decisions while reducing emotional and financial fallout, particularly in high-conflict, high-asset and complex divorces. Mardi is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC, and the Strategic Divorce Directory, LLC.

For Mardi’s gift: The Resilience Building Blueprint: A 28-Day Journey To A Stronger You https://www.divorcecoach4women.com/rbb

Connect with Mardi on Social Media:

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Divorcecoach4women

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mardiwinderadams/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoach4women/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@divorcecoach4women

Thanks for Listening!

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.

Do you have feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below!

Subscribe to the Podcast

If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app.

Leave an Apple Podcast Review

Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.

Divorce is not just a legal process. It is an emotional, financial, and strategic transition that can quickly become overwhelming without the right support. In this episode of The D Shift, Mardi Winder speaks with fellow divorce coach Julie Desmond about the practical and emotional benefits of having a divorce coach as part of your support team.

Julie shares how her own difficult divorce experience led her into the field of divorce coaching after realizing how many people navigate the process without guidance, preparation, or emotional support. The conversation highlights the important distinction between legal advice and divorce coaching, especially in helping clients stay organized, emotionally grounded, and prepared for the many decisions that arise throughout the process.

Together, they discuss how conflict escalation often increases legal costs and emotional exhaustion, while preparation and emotional regulation can create better outcomes for everyone involved. Julie explains how simple shifts, such as pausing before reacting to texts or emails, preparing questions before attorney calls, and understanding what truly requires legal intervention, can save clients both money and unnecessary stress.

Julie discusses how:

• Divorce coaching provides emotional and strategic support that differs from legal advice

• Preparation before mediation, attorney meetings, and court processes can reduce stress and unnecessary costs

• Reacting emotionally during divorce often escalates conflict and increases legal fees

• A divorce coach can help clients reality test situations and focus on the bigger picture

• Shared parenting transitions can create identity challenges and emotional overwhelm for parents

• Many people going through divorce feel isolated, especially when faith or cultural pressures are involved

• Having a neutral support person can help clients feel more grounded and empowered during difficult decisions

• Divorce coaching can help people approach the process more strategically instead of reactively

About the Guest:

I am Julie Desmond, founder of Desmond Divorce Coaching. As a DCA® Certified ADR Divorce Coach I specialize in helping my clients navigate conflict and focus on their future. Helping them gain the knowledge they need to make informed smart decisions throughout the process.

To connect with Julie:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/1JqXRkFksN/?mibextid=wwXIfr

About the Host

Mardi Winder is a Strategic Divorce Consultant and High-Conflict Divorce Coach who helps high-achieving individuals navigate divorce with clarity, confidence, and control. Drawing on more than 30 years of experience in mediation, divorce coaching and conflict resolution, she supports clients in making smart decisions while reducing emotional and financial fallout, particularly in high-conflict, high-asset and complex divorces. Mardi is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC, and the Strategic Divorce Directory, LLC.

For Mardi’s gift: The Resilience Building Blueprint: A 28-Day Journey To A Stronger You https://www.divorcecoach4women.com/rbb

Connect with Mardi on Social Media:

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Divorcecoach4women

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mardiwinderadams/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoach4women/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@divorcecoach4women

Thanks for Listening!

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.

Do you have feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below!

Subscribe to the Podcast

If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app.

Leave an Apple Podcast Review

Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.

What if the key to healthier relationships is not changing the other person, but learning how to feel secure within yourself?

In this episode of The D Shift, Mardi Winder sits down with Maria Vogel, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, to explore attachment styles, emotional safety, and the role self-security plays in both relationships and divorce.

Maria shares how her work evolved from supporting children and families to helping adults heal unhealthy relational patterns. Drawing from both her professional expertise and her own experience as a child of divorce, Maria explains how attachment styles shape the way people seek emotional safety in relationships.

Mardi and Maria unpack the anxious and avoidant dynamics that often appear in struggling marriages and why so many couples unintentionally trigger each other’s deepest insecurities. The conversation explores the emotional toll of resentment, the challenges of deciding whether to stay or leave, and how self-regulation and boundaries can dramatically change the way people navigate conflict.

Maria introduces the concept of “self security,” which focuses on building self-trust, emotional regulation, and healthy boundaries rather than depending on another person for emotional stability. The discussion also examines why staying together for the children can sometimes create more harm than healing and how divorce can become an opportunity for growth and healthier patterns moving forward.

The episode highlights how:

• Attachment styles are often strategies people develop to create emotional safety

• Many struggling relationships involve anxious and avoidant dynamics that reinforce conflict

• Resentment grows when issues remain unresolved for too long

• Couples often wait far too long before seeking therapy or support

• Self security comes from emotional regulation and healthy boundaries

• Staying together for the children can sometimes create unhealthy emotional environments

• Divorce is not failure and can become an opportunity for healing and growth

• Building a healthier relationship with yourself changes every other relationship in your life

About the Guest:

Maria Vogel is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in couples and individuals who want to heal relational patterns. Through her group practice, Bhumi Therapy Center, Maria teaches clients how to build more intentional lives using mindfulness-based therapy techniques.

For Maria’s book, “Finally Secure”: https://a.co/d/0cIQzfW1

To connect with Maria:

Website: www.bhumitherapycenter.com

IG: @mariavtherapy

About the Host

Mardi Winder is a Strategic Divorce Consultant and High-Conflict Divorce Coach who helps high-achieving individuals navigate divorce with clarity, confidence, and control. Drawing on more than 30 years of experience in mediation, divorce coaching and conflict resolution, she supports clients in making smart decisions while reducing emotional and financial fallout, particularly in high-conflict, high-asset and complex divorces. Mardi is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC, and the Strategic Divorce Directory, LLC.

For Mardi’s gift: The Resilience Building Blueprint: A 28-Day Journey To A Stronger You https://www.divorcecoach4women.com/rbb

Connect with Mardi on Social Media:

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Divorcecoach4women

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mardiwinderadams/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoach4women/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@divorcecoach4women

Thanks for Listening!

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.

Do you have feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below!

Subscribe to the Podcast

If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app.

Leave an Apple Podcast Review

Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.