Spiritual leaders on the somehow-still-peaceful planet of Bardotta are disappearing, and that Queen Julia has called upon the Senate for help. The ghost of Senator Onoconda Farr chimes in with an undignified snort, but no one in the Senate has a sense of clairaudience or of irony, and so it goes unnoticed. Chancellor Palpatine calls the Jedi Council to let them know it will in fact be a mismatched duo comedy episode starring bad cop Mace Windu and clown cop Jar Jar Binks. See, the Bardottans hate the Jedi, because they steal children, and so want Jar-Jar and no one else to come help them.

When they arrive on Bardotta, we learn that the Dagoyan Masters, non-Jedi, non-Sith force wielders, are disappearing one by one. We also learn that Jar-Jar and Queen Julia are, let's say, more than friends. Shortly after this the queen disappears. The Bardottan council explains the source of the prophecy is the Frangawl clan, who worshiped a demon in a shrine below the temple, and we realize that this is not just a buddy cop movie with a side-helping of Orientalism, but an Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom pastiche.

Our heroes journey to the caverns below the palace, where Jar Jar is immediately captured and placed in a cage hanging over lava.

After a standard amount of Jar Jar hijinks, Master Windu locates him, and the battle rages! The cultists are defeated but the cult leader escapes with the still-captive queen. Jar-jar promises the Bardottan council for the second time that day that he and Mace will recover the queen.

The Frangawl cult gets to take over the Bardottan government if Queen Julia isn’t found. I’m not sure kidnapping is a good basis for transfer of power in governments, but at this point, as an American, maybe I should be more open to new ideas.

Jar Jar breaks down what happened to the Bardotten master. The terms ‘crispy fried’ and ‘force sucked right out of him’ are referenced. Meanwhile the cultist Ornithopter lands on Geidi Prime, and if Julia is fitted with a heart plug to extract her living force I’m going to start enjoying this arc.

The Great Mother (who?!) has told the cultists that they have Jedi on their tail. The cultists are being sneaky by dragging the kidnapping victim and a glowing sphere of living force through a crowded marketplace and Jar Jar and Mace still almost miss them.

Mace and Jar Jar run into what looks like a genestealer cultist who sicks a couple Gundarks on them. Jar Jar’s prehensile tongue comes into play, and somewhere Kit Fisto senses another erotic disturbance in the Force. There’s talk of planetary alignment and apparently Lovecraftian cultists are now in the mix; we’re one pair of Nike Decades away from a cultist connect four.

Hey, it’s Mother Talzin! More fighting with some rejects from the Uldaur raid and at this point I had to lay down for a while with some pretty severe WoW flashbacks. Mother Talzin and Mace fight, and she holds her own against a Jedi who made Darth Sidious look like a chump. Where was this when Grievous invaded Dathomir?

Anyway Jar Jar rescues the Queen, Mother Talzin’s scheme unravels and Mother Talzin dissolves with a scream…? The queen decides that maybe the Bardottens should reconsider their attitude towards the Jedi, and she just has the absolute worst judgment of anyone on this show and that’s saying a lot.

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