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What do you do with the story of your abuse?

Who do you tell? What do you tell them?

You will find yourself in many different situations with many different people where you will need to share the same story of your narcissistic abuse over and over again and it is actually important to make a conscious decision on how and what you are sharing with the different people.

Today we are going to talk about discernment, specifically about sharing your story. But the strategies here can generalize to many other areas where you need to make conscious and intentional decisions.

Early on in your healing…

You likely look like a hot mess, you are learning the language, learning the systems, it is likely that you do not fully understand what you are in for with post separation abuse and the family court system…

You probably show up in one of two ways,

Word vomit/fire hydrant of info… context for days, looking like a crazy person
Shut down, not trusting, fearful

Both make sense.

Now that you have some psycho ed under your belt and hopefully have done some healing work with a therapist or in a group…

Use these questions to assess who and what you will share about your abuse story?

What is the role of the person you are talking to?
What is the goal you hope to achieve?
What evidence do you have that this person will listen/understand?
Where are you in this moment?
How safe will the information be?

Once you have asked these questions, then you can make decisions and some discernment about how much and what to share.

And if you have the calling to do advocacy work, write a book, or speak in public about your story, there are some other considerations you need to consider.

Episode References:

For more information and to register, click here.

The Journey Back to You: Rewriting Your Story is a Transformative Retreat for Survivors of Relationship Abuse.

Join us for a transformative two-day, in-person retreat designed to help you rewrite your story. This retreat is a refuge where you can connect with others who understand your journey and take steps toward reclaiming your narrative.

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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If you share more than one child with your narcissistic ex, then it is likely that you have seen your children treated differently.

Oftentimes a narcissistic parent creates a dynamic where one child is “the golden child” and another is “the scapegoat.” The golden child is treated much differently than the other children, getting more attention and special treatment, whereas a scapegoated child will take the brunt of the blame and shame for anything that is going wrong or that the narcissistic parent doesn’t like.

But why does this dynamic persist and why is it so common?

And more importantly, what can you do as a protective parent to help your children as they manage the negative consequences of this dynamic?

In this episode we take a look at why this dynamic works for a narcissistic parent, the negative consequences for each child, and what you can do about it as a protective parent.

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Did you know that there are actually members of law enforcement that understand and want to find solutions to support victims of domestic violence and coercive control?

I know for many of you this is hard to believe, and I have found one!

In today’s episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast I interview Detective Brandon Wootan on his journey starting a high risk domestic violence team, what it looks like and the goals of the team. We also take a look at the risk factors correlated with domestic violence homicide, where law enforcement is missing the mark, and some tips and strategies for victims and survivors when reaching out to law enforcement to help.

I learned a lot from this episode and I feel a sense of hope with each conversation I have with Detective Wootan.

Detective Brandon Wootan's Bio:
As a police detective with over a decade of law enforcement experience, I am committed to protecting and serving the community with integrity, professionalism, and compassion. My core competencies include investigation management, teaching, teamwork and leadership.

Currently, I work as a detective at the City of Fort Collins, where I investigate crimes against persons, such as homicide, assault, sexual assault, and domestic violence. I also lead the Larimer County Domestic Violence High Risk Team, a multidisciplinary team of professionals who collaborate to identify, assess, and intervene in high-risk domestic violence cases. Additionally, I leverage my teaching skills to provide training and education on domestic violence prevention and response to law enforcement agencies, community organizations, and the public. I have contributed to the development and implementation of policies and protocols to enhance the safety and well-being of domestic violence survivors and their families.

References mentioned:
AIMEE Says app
Talking Parents app

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
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Enjoy some of our freebies!

• Canned Responses Freebie
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• Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
• Free Mini Guide to Decrease Your Child's Anxiety Around Visits

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What would it be like to get a full night sleep? Or to be able to focus on the task at hand?

After experiencing the trauma of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse many survivors find that their daily functioning completely goes away. And this makes complete sense, right?

The constant trauma while in the relationship and the continued trauma in the aftermath cause a myriad of problems for your physical and mental health.

On the last episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast I explained many of the most common trauma modalities that therapists today are using to support survivors. In this episode we are diving deeper into a lesser known modality; neurofeedback.

I have a conversation with Louise Finley, LPC on how neurofeedback can be used as a part of your healing journey from your abusive relationship. We discuss what neurofeedback is and what it might look like during a session, and we also talk about some of the possible benefits and symptoms that can be targeted through this modality.

Louise is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Georgia, USA and has worked in the therapy field since 2011. Her early career years were split between private practice and hospital outpatient settings and consequently, Louise has gotten to work with individuals in many stages of life, mental health crises, trauma recovery, and growth. In 2017 Louise was offered the opportunity to be trained in the Othmer Method of Neurofeedback--she initially saw this as a way to expand support for clients, but it has ended up re-shaping her, both personally and as a clinician. The additional training has led Louise to actively integrate more brain and nervous system education in her talk therapy work and to appreciate how an appropriately timed brain-based intervention can be a catalyst for beautiful change. Louise currently balances being a parent and seeing a small number of clients in private practice. She occasionally blogs about Neurofeedback at www.louisefinley.com and would love to be a resource to any individuals or clinicians with Neurofeedback questions or looking to connect with a Georgia provider!

Where to find Louise:
www.louisefinley.com
www.eeginfo.com (website of the organization that trained Louise, some providers listed here)
https://neurofeedback-network.sq

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
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Enjoy some of our freebies!

• Canned Responses Freebie
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• Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
• Free Mini Guide to Decrease Your Child's Anxiety Around Visits

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If you have experienced relationship abuse, then you have experienced trauma. And even if you do not meet all of the requirements for post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) it is likely that some form of trauma therapy will be a helpful part of your healing journey.

And if your children have experienced or witnessed any of the abuse or the aftermath of the abuse, then they have experienced trauma as well and will likely need some support.

In this episode I am going to give you an overhead and general view of some of the possible trauma modalities that you may find beneficial and share the most important aspects of all therapeutic relationships for survivors of domestic violence, narcissistic abuse, and coercive control.

We discuss:
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT)
Narrative Therapy
Group Therapy
And for children:
Play Therapy
Other experiential therapies (music, art, dance)
EMDR
TF-CBT

The most important aspect of whether the trauma modality will work for you is actually not the modality. The most important aspect of your healing journey with your therapist is your relationship with the therapist. Do you feel safe enough to ask questions? Does your therapist take on a collaborative role with you instead of an expert role talking to you? Do you feel a sense of unconditional positive regard? If they are working with your children, do they have strong boundaries and protect your children’s information?

VIDEO: EMDR: Special Considerations for Domestic Violence with Barbara Sheehan-Zeidler, MA, LPC

For more information and to register, click here.

The Journey Back to You: Rewriting Your Story is a Transformative Retreat for Survivors of Relationship Abuse.

Join us for a transformative two-day, in-person retreat designed to help you rewrite your story. This retreat is a refuge where you can connect with others who understand your journey and take steps toward reclaiming your narrative.

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

Enjoy some of our freebies!

• Canned Responses Freebie
• Mic Drop Moments Freebie
• Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
• Free Mini Guide to Decrease Your Child's Anxiety Around Visits

Register for the Septe...

Send us a Text Message.

Domestic violence and narcissistic abuse strips away your sense of self and autonomy. One of the most important parts of the healing process is to rediscover who you are and what you value so that you can learn to trust yourself again.

As you become curious about who you were before the abuse and who you would like to be after you heal it can be helpful to have a guide to understand what drives you, what challenges you, and your best attributes.

On this episode I have a conversation with my dear friend and colleague, Talya Dash, LCSW about how to use the Enneagram to connect with yourself as you heal from abuse. The Enneagram system is a widely accepted personality model that offers deep insight into our core driving motivations, opening up exciting possibilities in the prediction and understanding of human behavior. Talya describes each of the 9 types and how each one may find themselves susceptible to an abusive relationship and what may motivate each one as they heal.

Received my BA in Psychology from Earlham College and Masters in Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University. She has been in the mental health field for over 17 years, in private practice for over 8 years. She is a Certified Somatic Experiencing practitioner, SE focuses as much on body sensations and the nervous system as it does on emotions, thoughts, actions and imagery. She is also a PACT couples therapist, and utilizes attachment work and the Enneagram. Talya Fell in love with the Enneagram almost 15 years ago and has not only found it instrumental in her own life, marriage, and parenthood, but also in her practice working with individuals, couples, and families.

Talya's Website: https://www.thrivenowpsychotherapy.com/

Resources:
https://www.enneag

For more information and to register, click here.

The Journey Back to You: Rewriting Your Story is a Transformative Retreat for Survivors of Relationship Abuse.

Join us for a transformative two-day, in-person retreat designed to help you rewrite your story. This retreat is a refuge where you can connect with others who understand your journey and take steps toward reclaiming your narrative.

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

Enjoy some of our freebies!

• Canned Responses Freebie
• Mic Drop Moments Freebie
• Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
• Free Mini Guide to Decrease Your Child's Anxiety Around Visits

Register for the Septe...

Send us a Text Message.

Summertime means fun in the sun, getting outdoors, swimming, camping and s'mores. But will your abusive, high conflict co-parent allow you to enjoy the fun?

They will try to do everything they can to cause conflict and ruin these memory-making times with your children. In this episode we are going to touch on:

• The challenges that come with a change in transitions if your children have normally transitioned from house to house after school
• The challenges that arise with childcare and right of first refusal
• How they will try to ruin any of your planned vacations
• Extended family issues
• The differences in supervision and parenting that occurs over the summer
• And more

And now that we know what some of the challenges are, what can you do about them to have less conflict and anxiety over the summer?

The number one tip is to know your parenting plan inside and out and use the language in it in your communication with your narcissistic ex. It is also important to understand what are day to day decisions and to remember what you have control over and what you don’t.

For more information and to register, click here.

The Journey Back to You: Rewriting Your Story is a Transformative Retreat for Survivors of Relationship Abuse.

Join us for a transformative two-day, in-person retreat designed to help you rewrite your story. This retreat is a refuge where you can connect with others who understand your journey and take steps toward reclaiming your narrative.

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

Enjoy some of our freebies!

• Canned Responses Freebie
• Mic Drop Moments Freebie
• Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
• Free Mini Guide to Decrease Your Child's Anxiety Around Visits

Register for the Septe...

Send us a Text Message.

If you are a victim or survivor of domestic violence or narcissistic abuse you will likely come into contact with a lot of our larger systems. One of them being Child Protective Services (CPS).

This may bring up your greatest fear, one that your partner threatened on many occasions; that if you leave they will do everything to take your children away from you. And if your abuser has done a good job at making you feel crazy and worthless, the possibility that CPS will take away your children feels imminent.

So, what can you do as the protective parent if CPS becomes involved in your case?

First, it is helpful to know a bit about the process and how your ex partner will show up. Because of their MO of taking control of the narrative, it is paramount that you develop a relationship with the team of people involved in your case. It is important that you show up in ways that refute the narrative of your ex and do this consistently.

I also discuss the negative ramifications of how our current CPS system is impacting cases where family court is involved and what I think needs to change.

For more information and to register, click here.

The Journey Back to You: Rewriting Your Story is a Transformative Retreat for Survivors of Relationship Abuse.

Join us for a transformative two-day, in-person retreat designed to help you rewrite your story. This retreat is a refuge where you can connect with others who understand your journey and take steps toward reclaiming your narrative.

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

Enjoy some of our freebies!

• Canned Responses Freebie
• Mic Drop Moments Freebie
• Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
• Free Mini Guide to Decrease Your Child's Anxiety Around Visits

Register for the Septe...