(Interviewed by Caroline Brown of This Crazy over 40's Life Podcast) - Part 2

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Navigating life is challenging. Navigating partnered/couple relationship is even more challenging. Add Sex, Porn, Love Addiction to the mix - when you are still trying to understand self.

What are the things hindering you from being the best that you can be. Sex, Porn, Love Addiction is the self-soother escape and avoidance and so that isn't it - alone!

Therapy can help. Then therapy to help the couple. All about helping each of you to better understand self. Not about trying to keep the couple together. All about equipping each of you with increased insight and understanding in order to make better "informed" decisions about the future of the relationship, about self and for the benefit of the couple.

Want to know more? Click the link and come get me.

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Support Our Show
Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |

(Interviewed by Caroline Brown of This Crazy over 40's Life Podcast) - Part 1

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

You can break free of the (perhaps) generational baton of inherited compulsive behaviours and decide - "it stops with me" Here is one such past Kairos Centre client's description of her journey:

"A client’s Goodbye letter to porn, sex & love Addiction

A goodbye to sex and love addiction letter, written by a woman after 9 months therapy with Gary McFarlane and Kairos Services and following a transformational dance (5 Rhythms) to express the story and journey:

Dear Sex and Love Addiction,

It’s time for us to part, forever.

Goodbye, so long, be gone, don’t look round I’m not wavering, cheerio, it is done.

It is finished; I understand you, I see you for what you are, I don’t need or want you.

We can no longer be friends because you are a tedious distraction and a liar.

You might offer some saturation in happy woozy oozy feelings, but right next to that you bring confusion, isolation, longing, pining, which can never be met. You remind me of what I seek - unity with the Divine and then snatch that from me, into the embrace of want and lust. If I have to part from the dizzy wooziness so be it, no regrets. It comes with too big a price.

You have wasted so much of my time, damaged my body and turned me into a killer. With you for company I have behaved like an unfeeling, all consumed, callous bitch. Nothing else mattered. I tricked and conned people, I stole their hearts, I lied, I hurt them and honestly sometimes I didn’t care. When I did care it was unbearable. Crippling guilt - you forgot to mention that would be an outcome!

I feel clear in my moving on. I have known you for many years, but without help couldn’t see you 100% clearly, I didn’t know how to find myself and my power and to move you out of my life. But I found that help and I know for certain now that: I am in control of my life not you.

I feel free, I feel like I get to choose.

My love for people is bigger not smaller, my capacity is not diminished. I give up the soothing and stroking you offered because they were poor coping methods. They created problems and they held in feelings of anxiety that were ready to leave me. Goodbye anxiety. Goodbye shame and narcissism too, you can all move out together.

I know there was a tender little girl that was seeking for a need to be met and I honour her efforts. This addiction saw me through some harsh times, it provided fun and humour, risk and adventure. All these things are still in my capacity and I hold on to the good stuff; including a feminine and masculine sexuality which loves intimacy, lets energy move, connects, reassures, holds. I welcome my ecstatic connection with the infinite, however and wherever it may manifest.

Goodbye forever sex and love addiction. I no longer need or want you or feel confused by you. You have no role, You take up room.

Goodbye".

Want to know more? Click the link to get me.

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
www.kairos-centre.com info@kairos-centre.com

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Support Our Show
Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Interview by Damian Andrews of SHAIR.care: What it means to be a man (10)

What do you want from Therapy? Where does your view come from? Is it your view or a “hand me down”? Therapy won’t work until you are ready. But if you take too long (as the masses do), then the hand grenade may go off in your face and then you are left picking up shrapnel. Picking up shrapnel is to be re-active.

The preference is to be proactive. Make conscious choices, even if wrong choices (at least you know you made then and can own the fallout); rather than choice be done to you (then you can’t own the repercussions). Make sense?

CBT= Cognitive Behaviour (Therapy). The Cognitive (your thinking) will always come before Behaviour (the action). Change your thinking before trying to change Behaviour. If you can change your Mind, you can change your life.

Whichever addiction you are caught up in (whether Alcohol, smoking, eating, sex, porn, seeking out connection with love, drugs, gambling or gaming), the craving to use are not under direct conscious control. The memory of the positive after effect feelings (feeling-state) drives the repeat behaviour. Your cognitive (thinking/thoughts) is triggered by the neural pathway set up by the past repeat behaviours; so the thought is - I need to have that thing; do that thing - it will make me feel better. So you go after it. Do it again. Get a temporary fix and also further cemented the neural pathway links. You're back on the hamster wheel. Get it!

There may be a high level of sincere motivation to stop, but later on the physiology demand for its chemical fix, situational triggers and disturbing/upsetting feelings, causes a PART of the personality to sabotage; not care about the demands of the other PARTS of the personality. I see, I desire, I want, so I take - kicks in – where “Immediate gratification rules again.

Want to know more? Click the link and come get me.

Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; discover the real, authentic you. www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.com

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Support Our Show
Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |