The Virtual Couch By cover art

The Virtual Couch

By: Tony Overbay LMFT
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  • Summary

  • The Virtual Couch is a podcast hosted by Tony Overbay, a marriage and family therapist, humor columnist, and motivational speaker who works with many individuals and couples in various areas, including marriage, sexual addiction, and parenting. Tony, and his guests, hope to provide listeners with tools and strategies to help break negative patterns and embrace new and exciting challenges in their lives.
    Copyright 2024 The Virtual Couch
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Episodes
  • Breaking Free from the Mirror: Developing a Secure Sense of Self

    Breaking Free from the Mirror: Developing a Secure Sense of Self
    Jul 12 2024
    Who are you? How do others view you? And why do we care so much about what others think of us, especially when they probably aren't spending as much time thinking about us as we think they are? When they do think about us, they see us through their own lens. It’s time to discover who you are. So, how exactly do you do that? Tony Overbay, LMFT, reads a heartfelt letter from a long-time listener, Jamie, who is struggling with issues in her marriage and recognizing patterns from her childhood that affect how she interacts with her spouse and children. Tony explores the concept of the 'Looking Glass Self' by Charles Horton Cooley, discussing how our self-identity is shaped by our perceptions of how others view us. He explains how these early experiences impact our self-esteem and relationships, using examples from listeners and clients. Tony introduces the modern-day concept of the 'reflected sense of self' from David Schnarch's theories of differentiation and provides practical advice on overcoming the need for external validation, forming healthier attachments, and developing a stable self-identity. Join Tony as he navigates these deep psychological concepts and offers insights into creating more emotionally secure and fulfilling connections. 00:00 Listener's Heartfelt Letter 02:31 Introduction to Episode 424 03:10 Exploring the Concept of the Mirror 03:29 Charles Horton Cooley and the Looking Glass Self 09:00 Real-Life Examples of the Looking Glass Self 16:16 Differentiation and Emotional Independence 16:57 Balancing Connection and Individuality 18:47 The Reflected Sense of Self 27:00 Understanding Identity and Self-Worth 27:55 The Role of External Validation 29:25 Parent-Child Dynamics and Conditional Love 30:53 Emotional Neglect and Its Impact 33:21 Attachment Styles and Emotional Support 40:13 The Concept of Shame and Guilt 46:26 Overcoming Childhood Wounds 49:35 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
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    50 mins
  • Shame, Certainty, Memory and Healing: An Updated Approach to Treating Betrayal Trauma

    Shame, Certainty, Memory and Healing: An Updated Approach to Treating Betrayal Trauma
    Jun 5 2024
    Tony Overbay, LMFT, and Marla Christensen, AMFT, APCC, dive deep into the complexities of betrayal trauma, focusing on the emotional and cognitive challenges faced by both partners. They explore how the betrayer's shame and fragmented memories often lead to staggered disclosures, which can further traumatize the betrayed partner. Over time, understanding the flawed nature of memory, the impact of shame, our desire to alleviate discomfort at almost any cost, and the human need for certainty is crucial. By developing emotional regulation, better communication skills, and a deeper understanding of oneself and each other, couples can approach the formal disclosure process with less pain, more intention and compassion, and potentially more realistic expectations. This discussion highlights the importance of patience, education, and therapeutic support in healing betrayal trauma. Tony shares the continuing evolution of his therapeutic approach for working with betrayal trauma, building off of his work with hundreds of couples over the past decade. Tony emphasizes the need to intentionally delay full disclosure until a strong foundation of emotional skills and mutual understanding is built. He explains how therapists must remain differentiated and confident in their methods to guide couples through this challenging process. By focusing on the concepts of memory, certainty, emotional immaturity, and effective communication, Tony and Marla offer valuable insights for anyone navigating the painful path of betrayal trauma. If you are interested in contacting or working with Marla, you can contact her at marlachristensencounseling@gmail.com 00:00 Welcome Back to the Virtual Couch 00:24 Understanding Dual Licensing 01:50 The Licensing Exam Experience 02:31 Introducing the Controversial Theory on Betrayal Trauma 03:39 The Concept of Formal Disclosure 06:34 Personal Experiences with Staggered Disclosure 09:15 Confabulation and Memory Mechanisms 15:55 Therapeutic Approaches to Betrayal Trauma 19:03 Recognizing Signs of Discouragement 20:48 The Two-Choice Dilemma 22:46 Understanding Memory and Its Challenges 27:10 The Quest for Certainty in Relationships 34:39 The Concept of Lying and Its Implications 36:19 Final Thoughts and Reflections
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    44 mins
  • Expectations and Emotions: A Ballet of Balance and Bliss

    Expectations and Emotions: A Ballet of Balance and Bliss
    May 28 2024
    Understanding the interplay between expectations and emotions can not only help you stay more grounded, but it can also significantly impact your relationships in a positive way. In this episode, Tony delves into the art of managing expectations and emotions to foster healthier connections with others. Tony explores the detrimental effects of unhealthy coping mechanisms such as pornography, food, or overworking and provides valuable resources for those struggling, including his Path Back recovery group and upcoming emotional maturity courses. He breaks down the intricate relationship between expectations and emotions, explaining how they influence our reactions and interactions. Tony emphasizes the importance of mindfulness, flexibility, and clear communication in navigating these dynamics. Through engaging narratives, Tony illustrates how expectations and emotions can either work in harmony or clash, offering practical advice on emotional regulation and psychological flexibility. Tune in to learn how to manage your inner experiences better and cultivate more fulfilling relationships. 00:00 Introduction to the Virtual Couch Podcast 00:36 Exploring the Path Back Recovery Group 01:02 The Complex Dynamics of Shame and Relationships 01:44 Navigating Emotional Needs and Relationship Dynamics 04:24 Understanding Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms 08:09 The Importance of Emotional Maturity and Tools for Growth 09:42 Expectations vs. Emotions: A Deep Dive 23:17 Navigating Discomfort and Unmet Expectations 23:48 The Healing Dialogue: Emotions Meet Expectations 25:08 Personal Journey: From Tech to Therapy 27:39 Embracing Discomfort for Growth 35:39 Managing Expectations to Foster Emotional Well-being 38:17 The Power of Acceptance and Psychological Flexibility 41:16 Emotional Regulation: Techniques and Tools 43:50 Concluding Thoughts on Growth and Self-Compassion To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/ Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384 Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ
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    48 mins
Psychology Hygiene & Healthy Living Personal Success
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Profile Image for Mattmpotato

Fantastic.

This podcast is so fascinating. Tony has a brilliant way of sharing his thoughts and experiences in a way that makes it easy for me to understand him. I love listening to the Vitual Couch when I'm driving, gaming, and even sleeping!

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