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In the category of sexual addiction recovery, there are a few people who deserve to be called pioneers. BARBARA STEFFENS is definitely one of them. Over the last quarter century she has begun and advanced invaluable philosophy and resources related to partner betrayal trauma. Previous sex addiction conventional wisdom referred to the addict's partner as a "co-addict," used phraseology that ignored the post-traumatic stress partners undergo, and suggested they may bear some responsibility for their partner's addiction.

Barb, and many others since, have introduced a more compassionate and helpful approach, acknowledging betrayal trauma for the actual traumatic experience it is, and offering help and resources for partners seeking to heal from the extensive wounds of being betrayed.

Barb is the founder of APSATS, the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists; an organization that trains therapists to more compassionately and effectively work with partners of sex addicts.

#barbarasteffens #apsats #betrayaltrauma #betrayaltraumarecovery #pornaddiction #sexaddiction #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

DrBarbaraSteffens.com (Barb's website)

APSATS (Assn. of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists) website

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Go to whatwereallywant.show and follow us on your favorite podcast platform, to make sure you don't miss out on a single episode, including...

In the category of sexual addiction recovery, there are a few people who deserve to be called pioneers. BARBARA STEFFENS is definitely one of them. Over the last quarter century she has begun and advanced invaluable philosophy and resources related to partner betrayal trauma. Previous sex addiction conventional wisdom referred to the addict's partner as a "co-addict," used phraseology that ignored the post-traumatic stress partners undergo, and suggested they may bear some responsibility for their partner's addiction.

Barb, and many others since, have introduced a more compassionate and helpful approach, acknowledging betrayal trauma for the actual traumatic experience it is, and offering help and resources for partners seeking to heal from the extensive wounds of being betrayed.

Barb is the founder of APSATS, the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists.

In recent years, Pieter has written and spoken extensively on the topic of vocational singleness, and encourages Christians to consider this not as a curse, but as a calling on their lives.

Episode 48 | Barbara Steffens: Be a Safe Person and Listen will be available Tuesday, October 14th!

#barbarasteffens #apsats #betrayaltrauma #betrayaltraumarecovery #pornaddiction #sexaddiction #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

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RE-RELEASE. This episode originally released June 3, 2024.

What is a recovery intensive? How is it different from weekly therapy or extended inpatient treatment? How could it help my recovery process? To address these important questions, Greg enlists the help of three friends, therapists who consistently staff the Roots Retreat Men's Recovery Intensive from Awaken.

Adam Calvert, James Horne, and Jason McNaughton are all counselors who are specifically and extensively trained to work with clients around areas of trauma and addiction. They all have been part of staffing and developing the Roots Retreat since its inception in 2016.

Adam, James, Jason and Greg talk about why recovery intensives are valuable, how their impact is different than (and complimentary of) ongoing individual therapy, and why men recovering from unwanted behaviors might want to consider attending.

If you think the Roots Retreat might be right for you, please reach out to us with any questions. We'd love to help you find the right resources to support your recovery! Our next Roots Retreat Men's Intensive is November 6-9, 2025. Click the link below to fine out more and register.

#AdamCalvert #JamesBuddyHorne #JamesHorne #JasonMcNaughton #therapy #counseling #gospel #recovery #sexaddiction #pornaddiction #sexualaddiction #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation

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Suffering. We don't like it. Most of us probably don't even like the word. Suffering brings to mind experiences of abuse, neglect, rejection, abandonment... traumatic events that lodged themselves into our lives as long-term traumas. How do we get away from suffering?

Our guest CATHY LOERZEL gives an answer many won't like. We don't get away from suffering. It is inevitable and unavoidable in this life. We are made for perfect care, yet none of us receives care perfectly or completely. But the fact that suffering is going to be part of life doesn't have to be defeating or depressing.

As a speaker, coach, co-founder of The Allender Center, and co-author (with Dan Allender) of Redeeming Heartache: How Past Suffering Reveals our True Calling," Cathy has given us a gift as she helps us understand what it's like to "make friends with the reality of suffering."

Our conversation visits how to "be with" the suffering we face, and to see how God meets us, heals us, and changes us as we walk through whatever kind of suffering we encounter.

Cathy's website

Redeeming Heartache (on Amazon)

Retreats & Workshops offered by The Allender Center

#cathyloerzel #storywork #storyworkcoach #redeemingheartache #suffering #trauma #addiction #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #connection #conversation

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The Bible presents many topics that elicit passionate and polarizing opinions. One of these is how unmarried Christians should evaluate their calling and purpose as it relates to marriage.

Our guest, PIETER VALK, has a lot to say on the subject. As a Christian who for most of his life has experienced same-sex attraction and a commitment to honor a traditional Biblical sexual ethic, Pieter has embraced a life of vocational singleness. But he doesn't think it's something only gay or same-sex attracted people should consider.

Pieter believes the calling to remain single has deep, meaningful purpose for those who would embrace it. He believes single people have a responsibility to own their lives and to pursue deep relationships outside of marriage, AND he believes the Church has a responsibility to provide real family to those who remain unmarried.

Pieter is the founder and executive director of Equip, a premier consulting and training solution for churches aspiring to be places where LGBT+ people are embraced and thrive according to historic sexual ethics. Since their inception in 2014 they have trained over 35,000 individuals on how to better love and care for LGBT+ people in their churches and communities.

• EQUIP's web site
• Pieter on Instagram
• Some of Pieter's writings
• Pieter's article on vocational singleness

#pietervalk #equip #equipyourcommunity #vocationalsingleness #christiansingleness #lgbt #gaychristian #pornaddiction #sexaddiction #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

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People addicted to pornography often experience lots of shame and self-contempt ("What's wrong with me?!"). They often see their sexual desire, and the fact that they go to porn to try and satisfy it, as THE problem.

Our guest, DREW BOA, disagrees. In his new book Outgrow Porn: Find Lasting Freedom Without Fighting an Exhausting Battle, Drew says, "Your sexuality is not the problem, and the urge to watch porn is not bad either. It's a symptom of unprocessed pain. When you understand this, your journey will dramatically change."

In this great conversation with our first returning guest, we talk with Drew about how compassion and curiosity are far more helpful in outgrowing porn struggles than shame, self-condemnation, and strategies limited only to behavior management. We discuss how evangelicalism's history of unhelpful messages about sex have negatively contributed to people's struggles. And we talk about how committing to a path of healing and recovery can help us find what we've been looking for all along.

Drew is the founder of Husband Material, an online community where men can find friends, coaching, and resources to support them in their path to living as mature, healthy men.

Some of the items we discussed in the episode:

• Drew's previous episode of What We Really Want
• Sheila & Keith Gregoire's episode of What We Really Want
• Johan Hari's famous TED Talk

How to connect with Drew:

• Husband Material website
• Husband Material podcast
• Outgrow Porn book from Drew's website (discount + bonus materials)
• Outgrow Porn book on Amazon

#drewboa #husbandmaterial #outgrowporn #healtheboytofreetheman #purityculture #pornography #pornaddiction #sexaddiction #healing #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #connection #conversation

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When couples in conflict feel a million miles apart, are they? Are the areas of "stuckness" as insurmountable as it sometimes feels?

KELLY BOURQUE, is a therapist who specializes in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a modality of counseling that focuses on attachment science and how it shows up in romantic relationships. Kelly is the founder of Red Therapy Group in Franklin TN. EFT is a modality based in attachment theory, and is helpful in allowing couples to identify unhealthy patterns in their relationships. Patterns such as the "push/pull" or "pursuer/withdrawer" dynamic, or with anxious/avoidant attachment styles.

Kelly talks about how EFT has been invaluable in helping couples see that despite the surface conflict, they usually desire the same things. It can help them get out of old, unhelpful cycles and find their way back to each other more healthily and authentically.

#kellybourque #redtherapygroup #emotionallyfocusedtherapy #efttherapy #efct #efit #suejohnson #holdmetight #createdforconnection #addiction #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation

Free consultation for 3-day intensives in Franklin, TN. Click here

Red Therapy Group website (traditional therapy for TN residents)

Kelly's book I Have Feelings About This

Kelly's video series for betrayal trauma recovery

Find an EFT therapist (https://iceeft.com/)

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People walking through the wilderness of addiction can have a hard time finding places that feel truly safe to open up. Yet authentic connection is the key to freedom from addiction. One of the things that gives the safety people seek is a person who chooses to be open about their own "limp," not hiding from their personal failures.

John Steakley is that kind of person. Since walking through his own addictive struggle with alcohol, John has been using that experience to help hundreds of others find hope as they seek to walk out of that same wilderness. John is the founder and Executive Director of Unbound Grace Ministries, a support & counseling ministry helping people who have found themselves trapped in unhealthy relationships with alcohol and other substances.

John talks about the importance of providing safe healing space by how we are vulnerable with our own struggles (pointing to our limp). Pointing to our own limp also helps us and others remember that it's not about us or what we can do... our limp also points to God, the "Power greater than ourselves," who desires to restore us to the lives we were meant to live.

John has written a book, also titled Unbound Grace. He lives in Birmingham AL with his family.

#johnsteakley #unboundgrace #addiction #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation #healing #gospel #grace #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #connection #conversation

Unbound Grace ministry website

Unbound Grace book (on Amazon)

Support the show

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Awaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)