Showing results for title "You" in Humor

Here is the incomparable Dr. Seuss' story of an unnamed "you" whose travels through the world involve a series of ups and downs. His ultimate success, however, is "98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed!"

New York Times best-selling author Stephan Pastis is the creator of the award-winning comic strip Pearls Before Swine. Now Look What You' ve Done finds comically clueless kid detective Timmy Failure on the cusp of cracking the biggest case of his generation. The school globe' s been stolen and a $500 reward is up for grabs. But before claiming the prize, Timmy and his polar-bear sidekick Total will have to trip up a rascal trying to scam the system.

Just when they think they are safe, theMcDonald twins are chased by an evil Elvis impersonator, trapped in a pool of flesh-eating soda pop, nearly pulverized in a giant shredder, and crushed in a turbo-charged carnival ride. Worst of all, no one believes them! Will they make it out alive? Will they ever find out who's really after them? All bets are off in this explosive third book in the Genius Files series.

Anastasia Krupnik's little brother, Sam, wants fangs more than anything in the world. But there is one big problem. Sam's mother, Mrs. Krupnik, has fangphobia and forbids Sam even to touch his plastic vampire fangs in the house. How can she not see how cool fangs really are? Sure, they make it hard to eat hot dogs, but they make him look disgusting - and Sam loves to took disgusting.

"In this fifth and final (I swear!) audiobook in my saga of secrets, a class trip to the local natural history museum turns dangerous, or perhaps deadly - and I don't mean in the bored-to-death way - when Cass accidentally breaks a finger off a priceless mummy. Forced to atone for this "crime" of vandalization, Cass and her friends Max-Ernest and Yo-Yoji go to work for the mummy exhibit's curator, only to be blamed when the mummy disappears."

As the mighty alien fleet from the very latest computer game thunders across the computer screen, Johnny prepares to blow them into the usual million pieces. And they send him a message: We surrender. They're not supposed to do that! They're supposed to die. And computer joysticks don't have 'Don't Fire' buttons. But it's only a game... isn't it?

This book was never meant to exist. No one needs to know the details. Just know this: there's a Merry, a Larry, a missing tooth, and a teachers' strike that is crippling Timmy Failure's academic future. Worst of all, Timmy is banned from detective work. It's a conspiracy of buffoons. He recorded everything in his private notebook, but then the manuscript was stolen. If this book gets out, he will be grounded for life. Or maybe longer. And will Timmy's mom really marry Doorman Dave.

Melvin throws fit after fit when he doesn't get what he wants. He must learn how to deal with disappointment. After all, you get what you get and you don't throw a fit.

Dangerous secrets lie in the audio of this book. Okay, I warned you. But if you think I'll give anything away or tell you that this is the sequel to my first literary endeavor, The Name of This Book Is Secret, you're wrong. I'm not going to remind you of how we last left our heroes, Cass and Max-Ernest, as they awaited initiation into the mysterious Terces Society, or the ongoing fight against the evil Dr. L and Ms. Mauvais.

Stacy Friedman is getting ready for one of the most important events of her young life—her bat mitzvah. All she wants is the perfect dress to wear, her friends by her side, and her biggest crush ever, Andy Goldfarb, to dance with her (and maybe even make out with her on the dance floor). But Stacy's well-laid plans quickly start to fall apart... Her stressed-out mother forces her to buy a hideous sequined dress that makes her look like the bride of Frankenstein. Her mitzvahs are not going well at all. And then the worst thing in the entire world happens.

Alexander’s dad has a new job 1,000 miles away, so now his family has to move. Alexander would rather have poison ivy. Maybe he could live with the Baldwins and their dog. He’s always wanted a dog. How can he leave Rachel, his favorite baby-sitter, who taught him to stand on his head and whistle with two fingers (but not at the same time)? And his best friend Paul, who’s like a brother, except that he doesn’t call Alexander "puke-face" like his real brother does? Just as Alexander is ready to hide from his parents, Dad decides that a boy might need a dog....

Dory got lost. Then she got found! She never wants to be separated from her family again. Good thing Dory knows just what to do to keep them close. Get goofy—and ghostly—with Dory, that irresistible rascal!

A brand-new Goosebumps arc narrated by the most iconic and evil character of the series, Slappy! The evil dummy comes to life to tell his own twisted tales and scary stories. "Welcome to SlappyWorld," he announces. "I want to tell you one of my favorite stories. Of course, it's a horror story! I think you'll agree it's a SCREAM!" Slappy welcomes the listener to his world and introduces every novel in his own hilarious, menacing style.

Samantha Byrd is a klutz. An accident waiting to happen. And that makes her the least popular member of the girls' basketball team. But all of that is about to change. Sam's met someone who can grant her three wishes. Too bad Sam wasn't more careful when she asked for. Because her wishes are coming true. And they're turning her life into a living nightmare!

In The Silly Kids Joke Book, you will discover a unique collection of original question-and-answer jokes that both kids and adults will enjoy.  Perfect as an after-school activity, a bonding session with friends, or just a lighthearted pastime when your kid has nothing else to do, this joke book is the perfect companion whether alone or in a group.

Courtney is a total show-off. She thinks she's so brave, and she's always making Eddie and his friends look like wimps. But now, Eddie's decided he's had enough. He's going to scare Courtney once and for all. And he's come up with the perfect plan to do it. Eddie's going to lure Courtney down to Muddy Creek. Because he knows that she actually believes those silly rumors about the monsters. That there are Mud Monsters living deep inside the creek. It's just too bad that Eddie doesn't believe the rumors, too. Because they just might be true.

A baby bird goes in search of his mother in this hilarious Beginner Book edited by Dr. Seuss. When a mother bird's egg starts to jump, she hurries off to make sure she has something for her little one to eat. But as soon as she's gone, out pops the baby bird. He immediately sets off to find his mother, but not knowing what she looks like makes it a challenge. The little hatchling is determined to find his mother, even after meeting a kitten, a hen, a dog, and a Snort.

Childhood friends Eve and Andrew are destined to be together—everyone says so, especially their friends and classmates who are all suddenly crush-obsessed. So when Eve and Andrew’s first eighth grade school dance rolls around and Eve, feeling the pressure, awkwardly asks Andrew to go with her, everyone assumes they are Officially Dating and Practically in Love. Overwhelmed, Eve and Andrew just…go with it. And it’s weird. Neither of them wants this dating thing to mess up their friendship, and they don’t really see each other that way.

It's the perfect audiobook for ages six and up! And the best part is, there are no wrong answers - so this book won't cause any arguments between siblings or friends. It's ideal for long car journeys, slow sunday afternoons when you need some peace and quiet, or just about any other family scenario.

When you're a bear who is easily scared, it's hard to have friends. Fortunately, Bear has one: Rabbit, who is very brave. One day, Rabbit urges Bear to face his fears and embark on an adventure together. However, things don't entirely go as planned, and the two friends learn the true meaning of bravery.