Episode 12 - Introduction to Catastrophizing

In today's episode I will be discussing catastrophizing. If you have ever found yourself jumping to the worst case scenario and predicting and preparing for the most awful outcomes all the time you could be experiencing catastrophizing as a result of trauma. The interesting thing that most people don’t know about catastrophizing is that it is a method of trying to gain control over outcomes, control of course helps us feel safe so while catastrophizing can be an unhelpful response it is no wonder it makes us feel so good in the moment we are experiencing it.

I will never forget the day a dear friend said “did you know it's not normal to be afraid of getting into a car crash every time you drive?” - I remember saying, no, I thought everyone did that.

I truly was shocked to find out that preparing for the worst outcomes was not a standard or even healthy way of living because I had become so used to living in a way that I thought was preparing me for anything that was to come. The thing is though, while there are many things that are in your control such as what you select to wear and the clothing you purchase - many life events are not in your control. The sooner you focus your energy on what you can control vs what you can’t, the more productive and truly in control you will be.

So what exactly is catastrophizing?
I will be focusing on catastrophizing as a trauma response, however, I would like to point out that other events such as a life-threatening illness, sudden job loss, chronic fatigue, chronic pain and anxiety disorders can also lead to this type of thinking. Regardless of why this type of thinking may occur for you, the information in this episode will still be helpful to hear. Predicting the worst case scenario can be a coping mechanism of protection - preparing for the worst may make someone feel that they can avoid disappointment and hurt.

Here is an example of of catastrophic thinking: I can’t fall asleep, I have a big presentation at work tomorrow, now I am not going to get any sleep and the presentation is going to be terrible, I am going to disappoint my manager and my team and I am going to lose my job and I am never going to be able to find a good job again

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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata

Episode 11 - Introduction to fierce independence or hyper-independence and the inability to ask for help

In today's episode I will be discussing fierce independence, also referred to as hyper-independence as it relates to trauma. If you find it extremely difficult to ask for and to receive help, push people trying to help you away and have a preference of doing everything by yourself, you could be experiencing hyper-independence which may be a trauma response. Many people who are fiercely independent have acted in such a way for so long that they don’t even know why hyper-independence may exist.

So what exactly is fierce independence?

Hyper-independence is when someone has the overpowering sense and feeling that they must rely upon themselves in order to survive. Hyper independence can mean existing with a perspective of “I” when it comes to challenges and tasks as opposed to a “we” perspective - this can lead to having a great deal of trouble delegating tasks, refusing help and constantly over exerting themselves by taking on more than they can handle. A person with hyper-independence may be extremely hesitant to trust others for help and support - whether that is emotional or physical support, When hyper-independence is at an extreme it can cause challenges with forming meaningful relationships. While independence is a very important and helpful attribute, when a person becomes independent to the point when they refuse help that would make things simpler and easier and they may cause themselves feelings of isolation and unneeded stress.

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

I would value and appreciate support of my show. This will help me continue to help you - subscribe today for as little as $3.00 per month here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2364681/support

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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata

In today's episode I will be discussing lack of accountability in relationships, why this happens and how this contributes to a negative cycle. If you have ever explained to someone how something they did to you hurt you and experienced them completely denying, disregarding or even blaming you for what happened, you may have experienced a lack of accountability. Victims of childhood trauma can spend lifetimes looking for and seeking accountability from abusers who will never give it. If the victim does eventually receive an apology , it can sometimes not even feel like the relief the victim was hoping it would be because that apology can end up really being for the person who inflicted the trauma and not for the victim and sadly, it may not remove the pain.

As an abuse survivor I know first hand what it is like to never hear the words “I am sorry” from an abuser, I also know what it is like to hear the words “I am sorry but….” followed by excuse after excuse from an abuser, and, I know what it is like for an abuser to remember a reality that couldn't be further from the truth - a reality in which they were the victim that never did anything wrong. It can make you feel like you made it all up, like you imagined it - it can make you spin looking for truths. It is important for you to know abusers do this intentionally, it is a well crafted manipulation intended to make you doubt yourself and your true memories of what happened to you.

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

I would value and appreciate support of my show. This will help me continue to help you - subscribe today for as little as $3.00 per month here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2364681/support

You can reach me here:
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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata