Episode 12 - Introduction to Catastrophizing

In today's episode I will be discussing catastrophizing. If you have ever found yourself jumping to the worst case scenario and predicting and preparing for the most awful outcomes all the time you could be experiencing catastrophizing as a result of trauma. The interesting thing that most people don’t know about catastrophizing is that it is a method of trying to gain control over outcomes, control of course helps us feel safe so while catastrophizing can be an unhelpful response it is no wonder it makes us feel so good in the moment we are experiencing it.

I will never forget the day a dear friend said “did you know it's not normal to be afraid of getting into a car crash every time you drive?” - I remember saying, no, I thought everyone did that.

I truly was shocked to find out that preparing for the worst outcomes was not a standard or even healthy way of living because I had become so used to living in a way that I thought was preparing me for anything that was to come. The thing is though, while there are many things that are in your control such as what you select to wear and the clothing you purchase - many life events are not in your control. The sooner you focus your energy on what you can control vs what you can’t, the more productive and truly in control you will be.

So what exactly is catastrophizing?
I will be focusing on catastrophizing as a trauma response, however, I would like to point out that other events such as a life-threatening illness, sudden job loss, chronic fatigue, chronic pain and anxiety disorders can also lead to this type of thinking. Regardless of why this type of thinking may occur for you, the information in this episode will still be helpful to hear. Predicting the worst case scenario can be a coping mechanism of protection - preparing for the worst may make someone feel that they can avoid disappointment and hurt.

Here is an example of of catastrophic thinking: I can’t fall asleep, I have a big presentation at work tomorrow, now I am not going to get any sleep and the presentation is going to be terrible, I am going to disappoint my manager and my team and I am going to lose my job and I am never going to be able to find a good job again

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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata

Episode 11 - Introduction to fierce independence or hyper-independence and the inability to ask for help

In today's episode I will be discussing fierce independence, also referred to as hyper-independence as it relates to trauma. If you find it extremely difficult to ask for and to receive help, push people trying to help you away and have a preference of doing everything by yourself, you could be experiencing hyper-independence which may be a trauma response. Many people who are fiercely independent have acted in such a way for so long that they don’t even know why hyper-independence may exist.

So what exactly is fierce independence?

Hyper-independence is when someone has the overpowering sense and feeling that they must rely upon themselves in order to survive. Hyper independence can mean existing with a perspective of “I” when it comes to challenges and tasks as opposed to a “we” perspective - this can lead to having a great deal of trouble delegating tasks, refusing help and constantly over exerting themselves by taking on more than they can handle. A person with hyper-independence may be extremely hesitant to trust others for help and support - whether that is emotional or physical support, When hyper-independence is at an extreme it can cause challenges with forming meaningful relationships. While independence is a very important and helpful attribute, when a person becomes independent to the point when they refuse help that would make things simpler and easier and they may cause themselves feelings of isolation and unneeded stress.

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Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

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Renata

In today's episode I will be discussing lack of accountability in relationships, why this happens and how this contributes to a negative cycle. If you have ever explained to someone how something they did to you hurt you and experienced them completely denying, disregarding or even blaming you for what happened, you may have experienced a lack of accountability. Victims of childhood trauma can spend lifetimes looking for and seeking accountability from abusers who will never give it. If the victim does eventually receive an apology , it can sometimes not even feel like the relief the victim was hoping it would be because that apology can end up really being for the person who inflicted the trauma and not for the victim and sadly, it may not remove the pain.

As an abuse survivor I know first hand what it is like to never hear the words “I am sorry” from an abuser, I also know what it is like to hear the words “I am sorry but….” followed by excuse after excuse from an abuser, and, I know what it is like for an abuser to remember a reality that couldn't be further from the truth - a reality in which they were the victim that never did anything wrong. It can make you feel like you made it all up, like you imagined it - it can make you spin looking for truths. It is important for you to know abusers do this intentionally, it is a well crafted manipulation intended to make you doubt yourself and your true memories of what happened to you.

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

I would value and appreciate support of my show. This will help me continue to help you - subscribe today for as little as $3.00 per month here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2364681/support

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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata

Todays episode is an Introduction to the invisibility of abuse. You may be wondering what happened in my household and how the abuse I endured or anyone endures, can go unseen.

Most of us are familiar with the age-old adage - things are not always what they seem. In today's world we are surrounded by social media. For the most part, users control the way the world sees them and only share positive heavily filtered (literally and figuratively) views of their life on social media. Let's go back about 40 years ago, when social media did not exist. There were no cell phones, there was no internet or household computer then. Yet even then, things were not always what they seemed and could be filtered. This is the thing about human nature, most people will only divulge what will make them safe in a crowd and part of this is because of our primal need to fit in in order to keep us safe from threats. Our primitive brain is hardwired to keep us safe, so if presenting a life that is truthful could lead to rejection which in turn equates to the risk of dying due to predators or the outside elements, of course people are not incentivised to share the harder parts of life easily. These events can remain bottled up, never to be seen by the light of day until years pass and it bubbles over. This is exactly what happened to me.

Since starting this podcast I have had countless people say to me that they had no idea what I was going through, even when I was going through it. Their impression of my childhood was completely the opposite of what it truly was. They have shared that this podcast has been eye opening and hard to hear as someone that knew me during the time I was going through what I did. This has been said to me by both close family members and friends. I completely believe what they are saying, because, things are not always what they seem.

I have a picture of me as a little girl which you can find on my social media accounts. In this picture I would say people would comment that I look happy and healthy, I even look like my basic needs are being met. The thing is though, all of this could not be further from the truth.

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

I would value and appreciate support of my show. This will help me continue to help you - subscribe today for as little as $3.00 per month here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2364681/support

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Renata

This episode features an introduction to anticipatory fear - also referred to as fear of what is going to happen next or dreading the future and anticipatory anxiety,

If you have ever experienced worry about something that has not happened yet you have experienced anticipatory fear or anxiety. As a primal need to feel safe in the future, this fear makes complete sense. However, for some, this fear becomes debilitating and feels uncontrollable. In today's episode I will be discussing an introduction to anticipatory fear as it relates to unhealed trauma and the negative trauma cycle.

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

I would value and appreciate support of my show. This will help me continue to help you - subscribe today for as little as $3.00 per month here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2364681/support

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Renata

Video link to episode is: here
(https://youtu.be/HIe_IUu-R4k)

So what exactly is a critical illness?
A critical illness can be a progressive, degenerative or malignant condition that places a person’s life in jeopardy. It may also be a medical condition in which immediate medical support of vital organ functions is needed in order to survive due to severe illness or major surgery.

My story:
From about the age of 9 or 10 I remember getting dizzy at unexpected times and sometimes for great lengths of time. I remember swimming and suddenly the pool would look like it was rotating, but not fully. The pool would appear to start to move from left to right and then suddenly stop and the movement would start again at the left. This started to happen when I would lie down, when I would figure skate, when I would walk - anywhere and at any time. Then I started to get what doctors thought were regular bouts of the stomach flu. I would be so dizzy and throwing up so much that I would have to lie in bed for days and days and eventually, the symptoms would subside. It was not until I went on a ride over and over again at an amusement park and could barely walk after that I was sent to a specialist who discovered the tumor with an MRI. Two separate medical opinions confirmed that the tumor had to be removed within two months from the date it was discovered. It was benign yet growing and had been there for so long that liquid built up in my brain was becoming more and more dangerous.

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

I would value and appreciate support of my show. This will help me continue to help you - subscribe today for as little as $3.00 per month here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2364681/support

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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata

We know enough about negative intergenerational trauma cycles to understand they are unhealthy and dangerous and that there is a huge personal and financial cost. However, what are we truly doing as a movement to prevent this? There are people trying to make a difference yet why has this not taken off when so many I would argue lesser important trends and issues have?

I am proof that one can heal from trauma, but I also know first hand this is a process that takes years, costs a lot of money and is easier to walk away from than to go through. It also must be completed in order to stop the vicious cycle.

I am going to give you some numbers to help put the problem into perspective, I expect most of you will be shocked to see how costly the problem is:

In 2018 child abuse cost Canadians $23 billion dollars annually and in the United States of America the cost was $2 trillion dollars annually - this is in the form of health care, court fees, social services and long-term effects on earnings, this is a conservative number because we know that not all cases are reported and addressed, this number has only increased over time. In 2023 a study came out explaining that in the United States the economic burden of health conditions caused by Adverse Childhood Experiences was $14 trillion dollars.

The countries I have just mentioned are prosperous - the United States is the world's third most wealthiest nation and Canada is the world's eighth wealthiest nation. Can you imagine what is happening in countries that are not prosperous?

Now you can understand why I am so puzzled as to why we are not doing more about this.

Please share this information with those around you, people need to be aware of a problem and then admit to it in order to make progress. This theme flows through my previous episodes, in order for us to work through our traumatic experiences, we need to acknowledge their very existence in the first place.

If anyone out there needs help pushing this movement out there, let me know, I would love to talk to you to see how we can make a positive meaningful change together.

You can find ways to contact and follow me here:
https://linktr.ee/cyclebreakerchangemaker

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

I would value and appreciate support of my show. This will help me continue to help you - subscribe today for as little as $3.00 per month here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2364681/support

You can reach me here:
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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata

Episode 5 - Introduction To Triggers - emotional triggers, mental health triggers or psychological triggers

In today's episode I will be discussing an introduction to emotional, mental health or psychological triggers. It is important to understand that not all strong emotional reactions are a trigger response - if you are grieving the death of a loved one it is appropriate to have intense emotional and physical feelings. Those feelings are safe and should not be reduced or changed.
What I will be addressing today is when your trigger response is very significant when the event the trigger is in response to is actually not significant. I will be looking at why the response may not be appropriate for the situation at hand.

Trauma can lead to triggers because a traumatic event leaves the victim feeling completely powerless, sometimes even leading to dissociation in order to preserve yourself because of the immense emotional pain the experience may cause. This is why you may experience a trigger response that seems as if it has come out of nowhere. It in fact, comes out of a very important place - it means you are now able to look at and address the pain.

Here is a helpful link to breathwork with Melissa Seguin:

https://morning-fog-251.myflodesk.com/breathworkinfo?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTAAAR3ifthmp6smjakphHP_auhYh_IwwdbsJcx9Sbde_71Q6qQ0wfQFKK0ykOQ_aem_AXXHwtoW2v1xwxuBe-bQbeounV5JlLLysGV7nDJj0kMY_CAkaJtpzCfgfkyOQ0fj-N6CkoaZxlqvoXrCud33vw0k

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

I would value and appreciate support of my show. This will help me continue to help you - subscribe today for as little as $3.00 per month here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2364681/support

You can reach me here:
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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata