Trauma bonded and toxic relationships are painful. Understandably it causes you injury, you're hurt and lost. You become a victim of the relationship and narcissistic partner.

However here's the thing - remaining in the position of victimhood, rather than finding courage to get out and ask for help, maintains your victimhood.

And for some people, remaining a victim is the only way they know how to maintain relationships. Not through wanting to be malicious, but more from fear. Victimhood is beneficial in eliciting care but it also keeps you stuck.

If you're looking for support, get in touch
www.healtraumabonding.com
www.relationshipsuccesslab.com

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LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
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Website www.healtraumabonding.com
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The realm of confusion: I need to be independent but I also expect my needs to be met (which actually means you become dependent on your partner).

Today I'm joined by Erica Turner, relationship coach, to discuss relationships, communication, boundaries, needs, and how to effectively navigate these areas in personal interactions.

Main Issues in Communication:

• Acknowledging Needs: Many individuals are not even aware of their unmet needs, leading to feelings of resentment and frustration.
• Expectations from Partners: There is a common but unrealistic expectation that partners should magically understand and fulfill needs without explicit communication.
• Self-awareness: Recognizing and understanding one's needs is crucial before expecting a partner to meet them.

Identifying Needs:

• Connection to Emotions: Emotions are indicators of unmet needs. For instance, feelings of confusion might indicate a need for clarity, which can be addressed by initiating conversations.
• Safety in Expression: Creating a sense of safety to explore and express emotions is vital. Trauma can make it difficult for individuals to sit with their emotions, leading to over-productivity as a coping mechanism.

Self-Discovery and Relationship Readiness:

• Balance of Self and Partnership: While self-discovery is important, expecting to be fully healed before entering a relationship is unrealistic. Knowing one's needs, emotions, boundaries, values, and preferences provides a foundation for healthy relationships.
• Dependency in Relationships: It is important to strike a balance between self-reliance and relying on a partner. While partners should not be expected to fulfill all needs, some core relationship needs must be met.

Effective Communication Strategies:

• Expressing Needs Clearly: Articulating needs in a non-accusatory manner, such as "I need this because it makes me feel..." can reduce defensiveness and promote understanding.
• Handling Responses: Accepting that a partner may not always respond positively to expressed needs, and using their response as information for further decision-making.

Conflict and Arguments:

• Healthy Arguing: Learning to argue constructively is crucial. The best time to learn how to handle conflicts is when things are going well.
• Commitment to Well-being: Both partners must commit to preserving each other's well-being and having difficult conversations for mutual growth.
• Communication Techniques: Labeling the situation and feelings ("When this happened, I felt...") can help reduce defensiveness and foster constructive dialogue.

Risk Responses in Arguments:

• Types of Risk Responses: These include criticism, defensiveness, minimization, and silencing/ignoring. It's important to sidestep these defenses by depersonalizing issues and focusing on behaviors and feelings.

Ego Work:

• Receiving Feedback: Both partners need to work on their egos to be able to receive feedback without becoming defensive. This involves understanding that reactions often stem from one's own insecurities or past experiences.

Support the Show.

Set yourself up for relationship success and get the best marriage advice. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
info@healtraumabonding.com

5 Top reasons why you may unknowingly enable your toxic relationship

I often hear from clients about the difficulty of taking responsibility, especially when you're stuck in a victim mindset, hoping someone else, like a therapist or partner, will save you. Sometimes, it's easier to wait for rescue than to be your own rescuer. This brings me to the topic of enabling toxic relationships and how you might unknowingly be a part of it.

First, think about whether you're suppressing your own needs. Are you so scared of upsetting your partner that you keep your feelings to yourself? This is a big sign of enabling a toxic relationship because you're not acknowledging your own importance.

Second, consider self-gaslighting. You might start doubting your reality, convincing yourself that your partner's questionable behavior is okay. This happens when your partner invalidates your feelings and you begin to accept their version of events over your own.

Third, convincing your social circle that everything is fine when it's not can also enable toxicity. You might try to paint an idealized picture of your relationship to friends and family, who then unknowingly support you staying in an unhealthy situation.

Fourth, there's what I call the martyr syndrome, where you believe that enduring suffering for the relationship is a form of strength. You might justify your pain with the hope of a better future, but sacrificing yourself for a relationship isn't true happiness.

Finally, being overly empathic can make you a rescuer, forgiving your partner's harmful behavior and ignoring your own suffering. This not only minimizes their responsibility but also perpetuates the toxic dynamics.

Remember, it's about empowering yourself to recognize and address these patterns for your well-being and growth. Let's work towards healthy, fulfilling relationships where both partners are valued and respected.

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Set yourself up for relationship success and get the best marriage advice. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

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LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
info@healtraumabonding.com

Learn about the 5 risk factors in communication within your relationship: criticism, defense, dismissive, gaslighting, and stonewalling.

Join me on my Empowered Communication Workshop: www.relationshipsuccesslab.com/workshops

Support the Show.

Set yourself up for relationship success and get the best marriage advice. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
info@healtraumabonding.com

In this episode, we're diving into the complex topic of what it means to be a man, especially in 2024. You might think it's straightforward, but with all the mixed messages out there, it's anything but easy. Men often feel lost in a sea of conflicting expectations: be emotional, be strong, be a provider, but also be sensitive. It's like they're searching for an instruction manual in a world filled with contradictory messages.

Historically, men have been taught to suppress their emotions, leading to difficulties in expressing themselves and understanding their own feelings. This limited emotional range often results in either shutting down or resorting to aggression, causing strain in relationships. Women, on the other hand, may feel emotionally neglected or misunderstood, leading to frustration and distance.

This emotional disconnect can have serious consequences, impacting mental health and overall well-being. Men may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse or risky behavior to avoid facing their emotions. But ignoring these emotional needs only exacerbates the problem, leading to deeper rifts in relationships.

However, there's hope for change. Younger generations are more open to exploring emotions and breaking free from traditional gender roles. By fostering openness and embracing a balanced blend of masculinity and femininity, we can create healthier relationships and happier lives for everyone involved.

It's not about blaming men or setting unrealistic expectations; it's about fostering connection and understanding. By acknowledging and addressing these emotional needs, we can move towards a more fulfilling and harmonious way of being. So let's embrace openness and strive for a better understanding of ourselves and each other.

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Set yourself up for relationship success and get the best marriage advice. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

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LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
info@healtraumabonding.com

If you have been trauma bonded, in a relationship with someone with narcissistic tendencies, or have been in a battle where you feel belittled, controlled, criticised and coerced - this episode is for you.

Support the Show.

Set yourself up for relationship success and get the best marriage advice. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
info@healtraumabonding.com

Today, we're diving into the complex question: "Am I a good enough partner, and am I doing the right things in my relationship?" This issue arises frequently in my practice, often tangled with skewed perceptions of what constitutes good partnership. Many strive to please their partner, often at the cost of neglecting their own needs or engaging in harmful behaviors.

Short-term actions, aimed at avoiding discomfort or conflict, can lead to long-term dissatisfaction. For example, saying yes to every request to avoid confrontation may lead to resentment over time. Additionally, partners may evolve over time, and understanding this evolution is crucial for maintaining connection.

Effective communication, mentalizing (understanding your partner's perspective), and fostering emotional connection are key components of a healthy relationship. Recognizing when to have difficult conversations, avoiding defensiveness, and taking accountability for one's actions are also vital. Ultimately, the goal is to nurture mutual happiness and growth within the relationship, prioritizing both partners' well-being.

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Set yourself up for relationship success and get the best marriage advice. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

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LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
info@healtraumabonding.com

Today's discussion is going to delve into a tough topic, but it's crucial for understanding. I've personally experienced hurt from my partner, and I yearn for them to acknowledge my pain, apologize, and grasp the impact of their actions. This sentiment resonates widely, whether in ongoing relationships or after a breakup.

When we've been criticized, lied to, manipulated, or betrayed, it cuts deep, leaving us in agony. We seek validation, yearning for our suffering to be seen and recognized. This craving for acknowledgment stems from pouring our heart and soul into the relationship, only to be knocked down.

But here's the kicker: by fixating on our partner's validation, we inadvertently diminish our own pain. We grant them power over our emotions, waiting for an apology to affirm our suffering's validity. However, our pain is inherently valid, irrespective of external validation.

In relationships with narcissistic traits, awaiting apologies can be futile. These individuals struggle to empathize and may never acknowledge our pain. Even if they apologize, the sincerity is questionable. So, while momentary validation might soothe, it's fleeting.

Instead of clinging to external validation, we must validate our own emotions. By recognizing our pain's validity, we empower ourselves, paving the way for clearer relationship dynamics. Through honest communication and mutual understanding, we can address grievances and seek workable solutions.

Creating a safe space for dialogue allows both partners to express their perspectives without blame. Focusing on actions rather than labeling individuals fosters understanding and facilitates constructive resolutions. Ultimately, validating our own suffering enables us to set boundaries and navigate relationships with clarity and self-respect.

Support the Show.

Set yourself up for relationship success and get the best marriage advice. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
info@healtraumabonding.com