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How to Stop Over-Functioning & Reclaim Your Energy

Are you exhausted from doing everything for everyone — at home, at work, and in your relationships?

In this episode of the Lemons & Pineapples Podcast I explore over-functioning — the hidden pattern behind burnout, resentment, and chronic over-giving. You’ll learn why so many capable, high-functioning women end up carrying the emotional, mental, and practical load, and how this pattern often starts in childhood.

I unpack how over-functioning shows up in relationships, family dynamics, and the workplace — and why it’s fundamentally a self-worth issue, not a productivity problem.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

• What over-functioning really is (and why it feels “normal”)
• How over-functioning and under-functioning keep each other in place
• Why saying yes resentfully leads to burnout
• The link between over-functioning, fear, and self-worth
• A powerful question that helps you start changing the pattern

If you’re tired of being the reliable one, the capable one, the one who “does it all” — this episode is for you.

👉 WATCH MY FREE OVER-FUNCTIONING MASTERCLASS
Go deeper and learn the practical steps to stop over-functioning and reclaim your energy HERE

Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share if this episode resonated with you 💛

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Send us a text

Divorce can feel like an ending… but what if it’s actually a portal?

In this episode, Emma O’Brien is joined by Isabelle Ulenaers—psychologist, trauma specialist, and best-selling author—who supports women through the emotional aftermath of divorce using a neuroscience-informed blend of psychology, coaching tools, EFT, EMDR, and somatic integration.

Together, we explore why the hardest part often isn’t leaving the marriage… it’s everything that follows: the identity collapse, the shame and guilt, the fear of being “the villain,” and the slow realisation that you’ve been abandoning yourself in tiny, socially acceptable ways for years.

You’ll also hear powerful re-frames—like why it’s okay to leave a relationship that looks “fine” on paper, and how to begin coming back to yourself through small, grounded choices that rebuild self-trust.

In this episode, we cover:

- Why divorce isn’t a failure—it can be the beginning of freedom, identity, and self-return

- The “good wife / good mother” conditioning that keeps women stuck in roles they’ve outgrown

- How self-abandonment happens slowly and subtly—one micro-moment at a time

- The difference between guilt (I did something wrong) and shame (I am something wrong)

- Why leaving a “fine” marriage can feel harder than leaving an obviously bad one

- Isabelle’s Michelin restaurant vs burger and fries analogy (and why it hits so hard)

- What women actually need to rebuild after divorce: inner safety, nervous system regulation, and identity repair

- Why “What do I want?” can be too big at first—and the better starter question to ask

- The practical path back to self: noticing where you feel seen/heard, and where you disappear

- How fear works (and why it shows up the moment you change anything)

- The “fear witch” / Rapunzel metaphor: how fear keeps you in the tower—and how to move anyway

- A potent closing reminder: your needs are non-negotiable

A gentle reflection prompt (from the conversation) If “What do I want?” feels too big, try:

Do I want to be on this stage?

Where do I feel seen, heard, and connected?

Where do I abandon myself—and why?

Connect with Isabelle:

Connect with Isabelle on Instagram—send her a DM and she’ll guide you from there - @isabelle.ulenaers

Loved this episode?

If this landed for you, take a breath and let this be your permission slip:
You’re not “too much.” And you don’t need a dramatic reason to choose yourself.

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Send us a text

In this episode, I’m sharing the 12 powerful reflection questions I’m personally using to make sure that 2026 is not another year on repeat.

If you’ve ever reached the end of a year thinking “Nothing really changed”, despite good intentions, this episode is for you.

I talk honestly about why 2025 felt like a Groundhog Day year for me, why internal change always comes before external results, and how clarity, self-honesty, and nervous-system-led reflection are the foundations for real transformation.

✨ The 12 Questions to Reflect On for 2026

1️⃣ What went well in 2025?

What were your wins? What brought you joy, growth, or insight?

2️⃣ What didn’t work?

What felt heavy, draining, misaligned, or simply didn’t move the needle?

3️⃣ What patterns repeated in 2025?

In work, relationships, or behaviours, and what part did you play in keeping them alive?

4️⃣ What gave you energy and what drained it?

Who and what lit you up? Who and what left you depleted?

5️⃣ Who truly supported you?

And who couldn’t meet you where you were?

6️⃣ What did 2025 teach you about who you are becoming?

What identity shifts happened beneath the surface?

7️⃣ What do you want to be celebrating at the end of 2026?

Be specific. What does “success” actually look like for you?

8️⃣ What are your top 3 priorities for 2026 and why?

The why is everything when motivation dips.

9️⃣ What habits, behaviours, or beliefs need to be released?

What’s quietly keeping you stuck or playing small?

🔟 What daily or weekly practices will support you?

Especially practices that regulate your nervous system and keep you grounded.

1️⃣1️⃣ Where did you experience the most joy or peace last year?

And how can you consciously create more of that?

1️⃣2️⃣ If you met your future self at the end of 2026…

What would they thank you for starting now?

💫 Want to Go Deeper?

I’m hosting a New Year Reflection & Intention Setting Workshop where we'll:

- Break unconscious patterns
- Shift limiting beliefs
- Ground intentions into your nervous system
- Journey to meet your future self

📅 Wednesday 7th January
🕖 7pm UK | 9pm South Africa I 2pm EST I 11am PST
🎥 Replay available
💷 £22

👉 All details and the booking link are HERE

Thank you, as always, for being here and sharing this space with me.
I’ll see you in the next episode 💛

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Send us a text

Have you reached the end of this year and realised… nothing has really changed?

In this episode of Lemons & Pineapples, I’m speaking directly to you if you promised yourself last year would be different — and you’re now finding yourself in the same relationship, the same financial loop, the same job, or the same patterns that have followed you for years.

If 2025 is coming to a close and you’re feeling frustrated, disappointed, or quietly asking yourself “How am I still here?” — this episode is for you.

I share honestly about why real change doesn’t happen just because we want it to, and what actually needs to shift so that 2026 doesn’t become another repeat of the past. We often know what actions we should take, but still don’t take them — and the reason for that lives much deeper than motivation or willpower.

In this episode, I invite you to slow down and reflect on:

• Why familiarity keeps us stuck more than fear
• How unconscious beliefs drive our choices around relationships, money, and career
• Why we avoid difficult conversations and big decisions
• How self-worth sits at the centre of lasting change
• The real cost of staying exactly where you are for another year

I walk you through three powerful questions that will help you identify what hasn’t changed, why it hasn’t changed, and what needs to shift internally for your external reality to finally move.

This episode is also a personal declaration. I share my own commitment to doing things differently — and I invite you to make that commitment with me.

I also share details of my New Year Reflection & Intention Setting Workshop, where I’ll guide you through reflecting on 2025, releasing what hasn’t worked, and consciously stepping into the version of you who finishes 2026 in a very different place.

Sign up to the New Year Workshop HERE.

If you’re tired of telling yourself “next year will be different” and you’re ready to understand what actually creates change — this episode will meet you exactly where you are.

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Send us a text

In this powerful and deeply honest conversation, I'm joined by clinical psychologist, relationship coach, and bestselling author Dr. Ray Doktor to explore why so many capable, self-aware women keep finding themselves drawn to emotionally unavailable men and, more importantly, how to change that pattern at the root.

Together, we unpack the hidden beliefs, childhood conditioning, attachment dynamics, and unspoken fears that keep women over-functioning, people-pleasing, and waiting for men to meet their potential rather than their reality.

This episode goes beyond surface-level dating advice and dives into the belief shifts, communication skills, and self-worth work required to create relationships rooted in mutual availability, safety, and growth.

If you’ve ever thought:

• “If I ask for what I need, he’ll leave”
• “I just need to be more understanding”
• “Why do I always attract the same kind of man?”

…this conversation will land deeply.

✨ In this episode, we explore:

• The core hidden belief that pulls powerful women toward unavailable partners
• Why over-functioning and “being the strong one” can repel emotionally available men
• The danger of falling in love with potential instead of reality
• How early family dynamics shape adult relationship patterns
• Why poor communication isn’t cruelty — it’s often immaturity and lack of modeling
• The fear many women carry: “If I speak my truth, I’ll be abandoned”
• How to tell the difference between healthy compromise and self-betrayal
• Why relationships don’t complete us — they reveal us
• What emotionally mature dating actually looks like in practice

Dr. Ray also shares the key beliefs that quietly sabotage relationships and explains why healing your inner world is the most reliable way to change who you attract.

📘 Recommended Resource

Dr. Ray’s book:

All It Takes Is One; Drop Your One BIG Hidden Belief and Master Your Life

A powerful blend of insight and practical exercises to help you identify and release the one belief holding you back — in love and life. Buy the book HERE.

🔗 Connect with Dr. Ray

Visit his website for workshops, coaching, and resources:
raydoktor.com

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Send us a text

If you’ve ever found yourself obsessing over texts, over-giving in relationships, or feeling painfully hooked on emotionally unavailable people, this episode is going to feel like a deep exhale.

In this conversation, I’m joined by trauma-informed somatic coach and anxious attachment specialist, Valerie Rubin. We dive into what anxious attachment actually is, why it’s not a personality flaw and how healing happens at the level of the nervous system, the body, and even ancestral lines – not just in your head.

In this episode, we talk about:

• What anxious attachment really looks like in everyday life
• The 4 attachment styles (plus one often-missed one)
• Why anxious & avoidant attachment share the same core wound
• Reassurance-seeking, ‘chasing’ & “crazy” behaviour – reframed
• Why talk therapy alone often isn’t enough
• Ancestral trauma & attachment
• Somatic & nervous system tools to begin healing anxious attachment
• Breaking the pattern of chasing emotionally unavailable partners

This episode is for you if…

• You identify as anxiously attached, or you’re constantly worrying your partner will leave, cheat or “find someone better”.
• You keep ending up with emotionally unavailable, avoidant or “bad boy” types, even though you know they’re not good for you.
• You’ve tried talk therapy, mindset work and “acting differently”… and still find yourself stuck in the same cycles.
• You’re curious about somatic therapy, brainspotting, ancestral healing or shamanic work as ways to untangle old patterns.
• You’re ready to stop blaming yourself and start working with your nervous system instead of against it.

If you’re someone who is anxiously attached and keeps being pulled towards avoidant or emotionally unavailable partners, Valerie has created a free masterclass that you’re going to want to jump into.

👉 You can access Valerie’s free masterclass HERE

You can find Valerie and her work here:

• Instagram: @healwithval
• Podcast: The Anxiety Recovery Podcast with Valerie Rubin
• Website: www.valrubin.com

Thank you for listening, and as always, if this episode resonated, please share it with a friend who keeps getting hooked by emotionally unavailable partners, or leave a review so more people ca

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Send us a text

In this week’s episode, we are diving deep into a relationship pattern so many brilliant, capable, beautiful women find themselves stuck in: the magnetic pull toward the emotionally unavailable man.

If you’ve ever chased crumbs, waited for the 2am “u up?” text, or convinced yourself that bare-minimum effort was “just his way,” this episode is going to land for you.

I unpack why this pattern is so common — and spoiler, it’s not because you’re broken. It’s because your attachment style, childhood wiring, and self-worth have been running the show from the shadows.

In This Episode We Explore:

✨ Why unavailable men feel so intoxicating when you have low self-worth

✨ The anxious–avoidant trap

✨ How childhood bonds create adult relationship choices

✨ What self-worth actually is

✨ What you tolerate when your self-worth is low

✨ How to start breaking the cycle

Practical, grounded, and spiritual tools including:

- Recognising your patterns
- Attachment style awareness
- Shamanic journey work + ancestral healing
- Family constellations
- Nervous system regulation
- Inner child re-parenting
- Learning to trust your intuition (not your anxiety)
- Getting honest about loneliness and choosing from clarity, not fear

✨ Why secure self-worth makes you magnetic

When you choose yourself — truly — your standards rise, your intuition sharpens, and you stop accepting anything that drains your energy or diminishes your value.

If You're Caught in the Cycle…

Please know this: you can break it. You deserve more. And you are not alone.

You get to choose a partner who shows up with consistency, safety, emotional maturity, and respect. You don’t have to earn love. You don’t have to soften parts of yourself to be acceptable. And you do not have to wait for someone to “finally choose you.”

When your self-worth rises, the whole landscape of dating and relationships shifts — for good.

Links & Next Steps:

📌 Listen to Episode 14 for a deeper dive into attachment styles
📌 Next week’s episode features a guest expert on anxious attachment
📌 Come say hello on Instagram: @EmmaOBrienCoach

If this episode has hit home and you recognise your own patterns in the stories I’ve shared, I’d love to support you.

We’ll talk about your self-worth, the unavailable man cycle, and what it will take for you to finally break it — so you can create the love, safety, and connection you truly deserve.

✨ Book a free connection call in HERE

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.

Send us a text

In today’s episode, we’re going down a rabbit hole I’ve been exploring deeply over the past month — a trail that started with my shamanic soul-retrieval work, moved into inner child healing, and has now led me into the world of attachment styles in romantic relationships.

If relationships feel confusing, draining, or chaotic for you… this is an episode you don’t want to miss.

I’m sharing insights from the brilliant book Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller (linked in the show notes). If you struggle in romantic partnerships, I’m practically ordering you to read or listen to this book — it will give you clarity, language, and tools that make everything make sense.

This episode explores why you show up the way you do in relationships, how your early experiences shaped that, and—most importantly—how you can shift toward secure, grounded, self-led connection.

What We Explore in This Episode

✨ Why attachment styles matter more than you think

✨ The 3 main attachment styles (plus the rare 4th)

✨ How childhood shapes attachment

✨ Triggers and attachment activation

✨ The anxious–avoidant trap

✨ How to shift toward secure attachment

✨ The power of secure partners

Resources Mentioned

📘 Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller — Find it on Amazon HERE.

If this episode has brought some lightbulb moments or stirred something meaningful for you, I’d love to hear from you. Send me a DM on Instagram at @EmmaOBrienCoach

If you’d like support with healing your attachment patterns, inner child work, or building emotional safety in your nervous system, you can book a free connection call. Coaching is where this work becomes truly transformational.

✨ Book a free connection call → HERE

Thank you for being here with me. There’s so much exciting self-discovery happening behind the scenes, and I can’t wait to bring you into the next layer in the upcoming episode.

Happy healing, and see you next week!

If you’re done playing small and ready to lead yourself — you’re in the right place.

I’m Emma O’Brien — Martha Beck trained and certified life coach, HeartMath practitioner, and shamanic healer helping high-achieving women stop second-guessing themselves and finally trust their own voice.

Through nervous system re-calibration, strategic coaching, and deep energetic work, I help you move from self-doubt to self-trust so you can create a life you actually want to be in — no external approval required.

🌀 Want to work together?

Explore the 6-week Nervous System Reset, 1:1 coaching, or Shamanic Soul Retrieval sessions here: emmaobriencoach.com

Questions or ready to chat?

DM me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach
or book a free connection call HERE.