BOMT (The Battery Operated Magic Toupee) crashs on the planet KraꟇאּﬣnsmÆotdenݗnvgtgtmbargfgHdenᵹ₠∏shart, a planet where it’s inhabitants, from the age of 4 till age 75, go to school in order to learn the correct pronunciation of the planet’s name. No-one ever graduates and there is no need for any degrees to be printed.

We get an exciting preview of the most inclusive and diverse film in history: The Abraham Lincoln Story, where the first black Lincoln frees himself.

We visit a Cultural Censor Linguist and learn that everything and anything that was, is, and ever will be is racist. Including you.
Next beware of tourists in restaurants. If you’re a tourist, and if you’re in OUR restaurant, get the fuck out of here because we listened to this warning and we’re bewaring of tourists in restaurants.

Finally, did you know that the history of WW2 was all about Hitler’s struggle with his chronic masturbation addiction? In this episode of Hitler Unknown, we learn the history of the NAZI invasion of Europe through the split splooge sludge of the Fuhrer’s fiddled flugelshmong.

Welcome/ warning intro
Theme music montage
The Abraham Lincoln Story
Beware Tourists in restaurants
{PODCAST PROMO)
Hitler unknown Pt 5 – Chronic masturbation
Closing Credits

BOMT (The Battery Operated Magic Toupee) effortlessly glided into “Gotit 5”, an empowering world of positivity and unrivalled cuteness, a world where political correctness and diversity, equity and inclusion is woven into the fibre of every being’s DNA.

BOMT reacted by vomiting a bathtub full of rotted raw fish guts and immediately escaped to planet “Steaming Pigshit”, named due to everything and everyone being made from putrid hot and sweltering pig shit. The smell of decaying swine poop succeeded in clearing the air of positivity from BOMT’s lung-like things.

Many of you desire their own arse monkey but doesn’t know how to where to get one. Now – YOU can grow your own arse monkey, even if you don’t think you have the arse for it.

Changing your sex can be an expensive thing, even more expensive if you decide to change back. You can now join the all new Penis and Vagina Co-op.

We review the most exciting theatrical event of the decade. Well, not really the decade: The year. Not really the year: The week. OK, not year: the day. The hour? Ok – The minute! We review: Bill Hovis: Accountant.

Sammy The Toothpick’s returns for another round of “Condensed Classics” and looks at the film classic “Last Tango In Paris” and loses his lunch over Marlon Brando naked.

The writers had difficulty writing the next sketch and edited in a commercial for “The Writer’s Block Institute” instead.

In the next episode of “Hitler unknown Pt 4” we reveal a little known artifact of history: “Papa Hitler’s Irritable Bowel Cabaret”, the inside story of Hitler’s father singing and tap dancing bowel who could get irritated by the small things on life.

We end with the latest hit game show on The Lowest Common Denominator Network: Guess What I Had for My Dinner

Welcome/ warning intro

Theme music montage

How To Grow Your Own Arse Monkey- coming attraction

The Penis and Vagina Co-op

Bill Hovis: Accountant

Sammy The Toothpick’s Condensed classics: Last Tango In Paris

{PODCAST PROMO)

The Writer’s Block Institute

Hitler unknown Pt 4 – Papa Hitler’s Irritable Bowel Cabaret

The Lowest Common Denominator Network: Guess What I Had for My Dinner

Closing Credits

BOMT (The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee) wanders into a corner of the multi-verse that doesn’t exist because a multiverse, like a universe, doesn’t have corners since it is infinitely expanding and something that is infinite can’t have a corner.

Instead of examining this paradoxical quandary, BOMT says “What the Fuck?” and gets on with business.

In the first sketch, we ask the significant question: “Do you suffer from cunt face?” This is no laughing matter and we know you are sniggering. This is why we are debating changing this embarrassing, debilitating, condition to ‘vagina face’ because insensitive, immature, misfits like you keep giggling when we say ‘cunt face’.

We then join another episode of ‘Mangrove’s Man Talk’ as Hensley Mangrove, in his attempt to prove he is a real man, conducts boy talk and attempts to blend in with lads.

Why bother masturbating and all that physical jerking off activity when you can insert “The Shmeckle Chip?”

Finally, the touching coming of age (or coming of something – we don’t quite know what) of a man and an OoompaLumpa named Gary the OoompaLumpa.

Welcome/ warning intro
Theme music montage
C**NT Face Suffer
Mangrove’s Man Talk
The Shmeckle Chip
(PODCAST PROMO)
OoompaLumpa-ism and the adventures of Sleeznac

BOMT (The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee) visits a planet SO woke that it hurts it in its gender thing of no fixed abode as it un-cancels itself, chooses a new pronoun: Whatthe/ Fuck, and chooses to identify itself as a confused cisgender toupee with bisexual magic that is battery operated.

The episode begins with a caution… actually more of a warning… an urgent warning: stop playing with your balls in public!

BOMT righteously attempts to inspire you with the “Power Of Prayer” and the Godly intervention of the Big Dickwaller football game.

Lance Granit manages to pull himself away from the mirror, pause writing fan letters professing true love to himself , and speak on behalf of a charity that is paying him shit loads of money for him to speak on behalf of them.

Then another visit to Dr Gidday - Carbon Neutral environmentally responsible Liberal Doctor and the dream that, if we just get rid of ourselves and all living things, we may save the planet.

Become an observational comedian in Orville’s Academy Of Observational Humour. Anyone can do it, it’s as easy as saying something obvious like, “have you ever wanted to do something that anyone can do like being an observational comedian?”

And finally, on “Me and My Phobia”, we explore some really fucked up wackos… pardon us: people suffering from phobias and meet man with a thing for slutty orangutangs with no knickers.

Welcome/ warning intro
Theme music montage
Stop playing with your balls in public
The Power Of Prayer – The Big Game
Lance Granit Charity Appeal
Dr Gidday – Carbon Neutral environmentally responsible Liberal Doctor
{PODCAST PROMO)
Orville’s Academy Of Observational Humour
Me And My Phobia
Closing Credits

BOMT (The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee) visits a unnamed multiverse that we cannot name because it was cancelled for being ‘uniphobic’ – phobic of everything in the universe that one can be phobic about. If we mention the name of this cancelled universe we will be cancelled across every platform of the multiverse.

BOMT begins the episode by asking a question, the answer to which being the key to accomplishing anything in this universe: “Who do I have to fuck to get anything done around here?” BOMT will reveal the name of the man you have to fuck to get anything done and if you have to give assplay as well.

BOMT introduces three notoriously politically incorrect comedians, their strategies for not being cancelled, and whether or not their balls can be reattached.

BOMT’s answer to painful swollen roids is the new Haemmeroff inflatable underpants.

While on the subject of colossal pains in the ass - everyone’s least favourite Tiktok influencer, The Prat Prankster, is back influencing the public to beat the shit out him for his obnoxious pranks.

Sammy The Toothpick returns with another condensed classic as he tackles condensing ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes’, leaving the king without clothes and exposing his tiny dinky in a mere ten seconds.

In this week’s episode of ‘The Unknown Hitler’, we examine Hitler’s obsession with young German boys in lederhosen and his infamous “Just look at Göring wearing those lederhosen, wear those lederhosen you hot German Nazi bitch general!” speech that defined WW2.

We end the episode with a warning to those movie spoilers who do not responsibly use spoiler alerts (especially you Eleanor) with the tragic Psycho spoiler incident of 1960.

BOMT (The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee) scrubs its private parts with industrial cleaner after it visits the universe “Fukhorse”, where humans love animals… just a little too much. Let’s not delve into this further… we’ll just say they love animals a little too much.

BOMT begins the episode by examining why you may love animals a bit too much with the question, “Do you have low sexual self-esteem?” If you are on your knees giving head to a well-hung sewer rat of no fixed abode – this question has already been answered.

BOMT brings you the latest breakthrough in medicine: The Spine Removal Institute. Cure backache by simply removing your spine, a treatment not available to politicians and certain other groups born without one.

In ‘Live Like An Animal’– our resident Instagram naturist learns from the animals and is careful not to lift his leg and pee on our camera equipment.

Finally, a frustrated and horny Disney animator prepares for a rodent gang bang with Mini Mouse.

BOMT (The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee) poots and farts four degrees left to dimension “Arse 4”, one whole degree and one less whiff from dimension Arse 3. It is a dimension which embraces an arse-centric view of the ‘hole’ universe.

BOMT begins with a profound moment of introspection and asks you, “Are you a pretentious twat?” If you are, you can reply ‘jes’ or ‘ne; since a REAL pretentious twats reply in Esperanto.

BOMT introduces us to ‘The Carnivore Naturalist’ as he only dines from fresh living animals. Witness him eat an elephant’s arse (not in a sexual way – but in a nutritious one).

BOMT uses the revolutionary ‘Sound Behind technology’ to peek at the sound behind the important events that shaped history. This week we look at the logistics of changing a nappy (in the UK) or diaper (in America) of a US president.

Death is no reason to lie around and be bored out of your decomposing mind when you bring your deceased beloved to Corpseland to have the time of their deaths.

Finally, can you remain aloof and business like when a man, even if he is a professional, sticks his finger in up your arse? This is answered in the touching romance “Me And My Proctologist”

Visit our Patreon page for membership:

patreon.com/BOMT_Podcast

Episode 2 has BOMT (The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee) transmitting from a timeline which contradicts Winston Churchill’s assertion that “History is written by the victors”. In this timeline, history (and everything else) is written by losers. To be more precise: complete fucking losers.

We begin this week’s excursion with advice for those suffering from a ‘Homosexual Oedipus Complex’ and the best ways to kill mom and ‘do it’ with dad.

BOMT visits the bistro where fine dining is accompanied by an orgasm and where, instead of pairing wine with food, the food is paired with sex. If you ever desired a bratwurst up your arse paired with Schnitzel or having kippered herring stuffed in a rusted trombone – this is the bistro for you.

Experience first class treatment at American Tourmaster Hotels, where tipping isn’t expected and arse play is optional.

Hollywood legend Sam Fluggelman shares exclusive, never before seen, footage from his original cut of “Gone With The Wind” and the infamous Clark Gabel emergency trouser change incident.

Sammy The Toothpick is back… back? You never knew he left! Witness some assholes waiting around as Sammy hits us with another condensed classic: “Waiting For Godot” to 20 seconds.

For those fucking history snobs out there BOMT is giving a history lesson with the latest ‘Hitler Unknown’, this week’s episode: ‘That Fucking Moustache’. We reveal the truth about Hitler’s insistence that he didn’t want to be confused with the little tramp because of his moustache and that he was referring to Marline Dietrich and not Charlie Chaplin.

Everyone’s/ no-one’s favourite Tiktok star, The Prat Prankster, pulls an hysterical pole wacker of prank, scares the crap out of two lovers, and gives a mortician a heart attack after being accidentally autopsied. Definitive proof that being a colossal obnoxious asshole isn’t required to be a social media influencer, but… actually being a colossal obnoxious asshole is required.

BOMT ends our journey with the woke film event of the year: “ I am Not Henry, I Am Daisy Bell”. If if you don’t agree that this is the most important movie in film history then fuck you, you are an artistic racist and shall be cancelled!

Visit our Patreon page for membership:

patreon.com/BOMT_Podcast