Fed Up

Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward

By: Gemma Hartley

Narrated by: Therese Plummer

A rousing call to arms, packed with surprising insights, that explores how carrying "the mental load" - the thankless day-to-day anticipating of needs and solving of problems large and small - is adversely affecting women’s lives and feeding gender inequality, and shows the way forward for better balancing our lives.

Launching a heated national conversation with her viral article "Women Aren’t Nags; We’re Just Fed Up" - viewed more than two billion times - journalist Gemma Hartley gave voice to the frustration and anger of countless women putting in the hidden, underappreciated, and absolutely draining mental work that consists of keeping everyone in their lives comfortable and happy. Bringing long-overdue awareness to the daunting reality of emotional labor in our lives, Hartley defines the largely invisible but demanding, time-consuming, and exhausting "worry work" that falls disproportionately and unfairly on all women - no matter their economic class or level of education.

Synthesizing a wide variety of sources - history, sociology, economics, psychology, philosophy, and anthropology - Hartley makes the invisible visible, unveiling the surprising shapes emotional labor takes at work, at home, in relationships, and in parenting. With on-the-ground reporting, identifiable personal stories, and interviews from around the world, this feminist manifesto will empower women to transform their inner dialogue and give all women the emotional fortitude and courage to ask for what we most want - without shame, without guilt, and without the emotional baggage.

Beyond naming the problem, Fed Up offers practical advice and solutions for teaching both men and women how to wield emotional labor to live more full and satisfying lives. Hartley helps us to see emotional labor not as a problem to be overcome, but as a genderless virtue we can all learn to channel in our quest to make a better, more egalitarian world for ourselves and most importantly, our children.

Insightful, surprising, deeply relatable, and filled with all-too-familiar moments, this provocative, intelligent, and empathetic guide is essential listening for every woman who has had enough with feeling fed up.

©2018 Gemma Hartley (P)2018 HarperCollins Publishers

Repetitive Yet Good

First of all, I found this book repetitive in the extreme ... same idea repeated hundreds of times in nearly the same words for over 250 pages. Yet I feel that as a mother and wife it is nice to hear that you are not alone in a lot of the things she explained and that females are not the only ones that feel this way. Try listening to this with a male or even your husband so you can hear that wow he feeling the same way and you have not been aware. See as humans we are all different and in a relationship where one might be fed up another can think it is perfection.

Good discussion, but repetitive

I really wanted to enjoy this book more. The topics seemed fairly repetitive and no solution was brought up until the very end, at which point I wasn't convinced it was a solution at all.

Good information if you can get past the tone.

I work professionally with families and this title was recommended at a training. I have seen the emotional labor divide in many contexts, and this book explains it in an accessible way. However, the narrator was too dramatic and whiny for a non-fiction text, and I almost stopped listening because the first few chapters sounded like a frustrated, nagging wife complaining about her clueless husband. The substance of the book got better, but I sort of wish I had read it instead.

Best book EVER!

This was eye opening and even felt necessary for me raising a Son. READ NOW!

Fed up.

Great way to put emotional labor in women and how to overcome it. Helps to look at things differently.

Incredible book!

I loved this book and would wish all women an# men would read this. Emotional labor is one sided mostly and that needs to change.

Making visible shadow work

Loved it! Thank you for helping us draw a line in history and providing perspective

Great content, repetitive.

just read chapters 1, 8, 15, 16, the rest is pretty repetitive. Gemma gives vocabulary to unseen work, and gets to the root of women's struggle of simply wanting to be seen and valued.

Decent

I was looking for a book to help me be a better partner to my wife and decided on this. There were some really great points made and it really opened my eyes about emotional labor; ways I am passing tough responsibilities on to my wife without realizing. I also realized that I was also carrying a lot of EL that was making me frustrated. Recognizing both has been really helpful.

I think my favorite point made by the author is that by passing off planning birthday parties, writing cards, or making chat phone calls I am missing out on a deeper connection with friends and family and experiencing a less full life, while also making things harder on my spouse.

Something the author partly satisfactorily addresses is that EL is also on us to a large degree. We carry it in the form of worry and stress that partners don’t necessarily feel. so while I might feel a ton of EL from the recycling not being take out, my partner might just not see it that way and feels none of the EL. At first the author really lays it on thick that her husband basically sucks at household things (but is still super progressive!) and doesn’t admit that her own feelings about chores was making it worse. She addresses that in the last few chapters, which I appreciated, but can also see how someone might give up on this book early on.

Some quibbles: the term “emotional labor” got used sooooo much. Don’t know if there’s a way around it, but another way of saying the phrase would’ve been nice. Also the narrator pronounced “minutiae” like “min-nooo-sha-ee” which I can’t find in any typical English pronunciation. Was really noticeable. Finally, the narrator would do accents for any quote, trying to mimic Hillary Clinton’s or a man’s or a black woman’s voice, which were universally bad.

Overall, the book was alright. I definitely learned from it and appreciate those lessons. I think they’ll make me a better husband. I also think it was tedious and unenjoyable to listen to for around 35%. Some of that is due to the book and some from the narration.

So much anger.

I wanted to hear what she had to say but could not get past all the anger. Whoa is me, men suck, other people suck.
Was looking for a perspective and perhaps some solutions.