There’s a lot of talk out there about self-care and rest.

We all experience stress and dysregulation in this world, and rest is essential for our emotional and physical well-being.

Yet sometimes, when we’re stressed and agitated, it can be challenging to realize that we desperately need a break and even harder to figure out how to do that.

This is where one of my favorite tools comes in: the Menu of Refuge.

Today, I want to share what refuge is, why you need and deserve it, and how to empower yourself by creating your own personal Menu of Refuge.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Defining refuge, literally and metaphorically, and why it’s more than simply retreating from the world
• How a Menu of Refuge helps us take positive steps to resolve stress and dysregulation
• How refuge addresses our fundamental biological need for emotional and physical safety
• Why refuge also needs a sense of growth, wonder, or expansion
• How refuge restores our sense of dignity and self-worth
• How to craft your own list of activities and places that serve as refuge for you

Learn more about Valerie Black:

• The Change Agency
• Becoming Power Newsletter
• Coaching

What rituals and practices do you turn to when you need refuge?

In a recent conversation with my friend and former colleague, Darcy Constans MD, I realized that we had a cherished childhood touchstone in common that Darcy still uses when she needs a respite from the real world.

In this episode, Darcy and I delve into her journey of managing her energy, exploring the spiritual and energetic aspects of healing, and her unique understanding of patients' dark nights of the soul. Her journey is insightful and inspiring, and I hope it motivates you in your own path of self-care.

Darcy Constans MD is a physician and community advocate with a focus on behavioral health, psychedelic medicine, and treatments for PTSD and substance use disorders.

Content note: Discussion of mortality, psychedelic use, addiction, and mental illness

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Why Darcy finds it essential to tend to her spiritual and energetic worlds in order to do her work as a physician
• How Darcy’s grounding practices have evolved through different clinical environments
• How Long COVID challenged Darcy’s sense of control in the world and forced her to step back with intention
• How television provides refuge and comfort for Darcy, and how she maintains awareness of it as a tool
• How Darcy manages screen time and technology with her kids with values and goals at the center

Learn more about Darcy Constans, MD:

• Website

Learn more about Valerie Black:

• The Change Agency
• Becoming Power Newsletter
• Coaching

Picture this: you’ve just completed a big project. All the work (and stress) is over, and you can breathe a sigh of relief. Right?

So, how quickly do you start itching to know how others think it went?

Perhaps you’re a student constantly refreshing your email for your professor’s thoughts. Or maybe you’re in the workplace, compulsively checking Slack for comments from your boss. Do you ever find yourself anticipating criticism, trying to get ahead by guessing what flaws others will pick out?

This begs the question, did you ever stop to ask yourself how you thought it went?

How we assess our performance on things that matter to us can strongly impact our mental health and self-esteem, not to mention the progress of our work.

Today, I want to pull back the power from the process of self-evaluations and building self-trust. Even if you’re not in an environment where you get formal feedback or have to complete self-evaluations, the method I will share has something for you, too. This method helps you create space for self-reflection that serves the impact you want to make in the world without losing yourself in self-doubt and other people’s opinions.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Why developing the ability to discern your own performance is a critical skill set
• How self-assessment became so embedded in our work lives, and how the process has lost its meaning
• Two simple tools to help you center your own voice when considering your performance

Learn more about Valerie Black:

• The Change Agency
• The Change Agent's Handbook