We may be interested in living an authentic, honest life.

Unfortunately, that doesn't necessarily mean those we're closest to are interested in doing the same thing.

The easiest way to encourage those around us to show up authentically is by ensuring we make that experience as easy and enjoyable as possible for them.

In this episode, we discuss:

• 2:31 My daughter rescinded her dinner invitation and my feelings were hurt, and I pretended it was fine when I was actually really hurt.
• 13:34 How powerful requests can revolutionize relationships
• 17:10 Behavior is coded communication
• 23:46 My grandson won't greet me
• 28:30 A script for gathering the data needed to move forward
• 38:17 Getting Grounded in Our Goodness
• 40:30 How to interrupt interpersonal violence
• 46:12 A special offer just for you!

Two upcoming programs are discussed in this episode. Click on the links below for more info:

Fall Deep Dive: A Look at Grandiosity and Shame

March 2025 Retreat in Santa Fe

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Follow me on YouTube
• Join my membership program
• Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Navigating relationships with difficult family members can sometimes be a Herculean task.

This episode highlights four main strategies for walking the path of authentic communication with family members who can be hard to connect with:

1. Practicing the art of translating judgments into feelings and needs.
2. Maintaining deep connection with ourselves.
3. Locating the conversation in the present and not the past.
4. Melting defensiveness by creating enough internal capacity to be present to someone else's pain.

We discuss:

• 5:07 My family can be so judgmental. How can I communicate better with them?
• 6:26 How to practice translating judgments into feelings and needs.
• 16:10 The inside practice essential for staying grounded when someone else is activated.
• 19:17 "When we are helping someone else wake up to the dynamics of a situation, we want it to be as gentle as possible so they enjoy it and do more of it."
• 25:08 How can I establish trust with my brother who avoids me?
• 32:58 Want to change the same old complaint-filled conversation? Try locating the conversation in the present, not the past.
• 36:23 How can we begin melting defensiveness?
• 37:11 A script for moving forward when you need an answer and the other person is silent.
• 40:15 How to get more of what you want.

Something that can make it difficult for families to connect authentically with one another are the relational habits we fall into. This fall I'll be offering a practice group that dives deep into narcissism and shame and I'd love to see you there! Interested in learning more? Check out all the details.

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Follow me on YouTube
• Join my membership program
• Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Changing our default patterns in relationships takes intention and effort. Whether we're wanting to act differently with loved ones at home or with strangers in public, relational transformation starts by turning inward and working with ourselves, first.

In this week's conversation we discuss:

• 1.01 Find information on my upcoming offerings: Deep Dive into Narcissism and Shame and winter retreat Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• 3:16 "My usual MO would be to run .." I want to experience myself in a new way, what can I do?
• 5:56 How do we establish shared reality with others?
• 9:47 The quickest way to kill generosity.
• 11:53 Finding courage to ask the hard questions I usually avoid asking.
• 14:49 A tip when dealing with avoidant attachment patterns.
• 19:36 Why demands don't work.
• 22:13 Meeting needs vs caring about needs.
• 25:25 The biggest gift we can give one another.
• 26:24 Responding to a child's unpleasant behavior with nonviolence.
• 33:33 Connecting with a parent to discuss their child's behavior
• 38:20 How to approach "feeling dismissed and invalidated"

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Follow me on YouTube
• Join my membership program
• Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This week's episode explores themes of belonging, and the human need we all share for community.

We explore:

• 1:59 I don't feel like I belong anywhere
• 5:50 Rising into grandiosity or sinking into shame
• 7:19 Belonging to Yourself
• 12:05 The role of reverence
• 14:03 How do I handle passive aggressive comments?
• 25:20 We're either repeating or transforming a dynamic
• 26:43 Make the implicit explicit
• 34:28 My friend takes a long time to text me back and it hurts my feelings

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Follow me on YouTube
• Join my membership program
• Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This week's episode is an investigation into working things through in relationship: with our extended family, our mothers, our daughters, and ourselves.

We explore:

• 1:18 The dynamics I see in my nieces and nephews repeat the dynamics between my siblings and I get triggered. How can I help myself and them?
• 4:12 How to ground observations in micro moments
• 13:11 I wanted care and I didn't receive it. How can I talk about this with no accusations?
• 31:05 A script for sharing what you're needing now
• 34:00 How do I tell my daughter I long for more acceptance from her?
• 49:00 How can I support myself as I continue to grow into who I am?

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Follow me on YouTube
• Join my membership program
• Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This week's caller is looking for scripts that can help her call out some discriminatory dynamics at work.

She asks: "I am facing new challenges in my work environment. More specifically, I am noticing weird racial dynamics ( for example, staff of colour all scheduled for night shift, and day shift exclusively (no exceptions) staffed by white staff. I have also heard rumours of ‘racially hostile behaviour’ from colleagues and supervisors. For context, I am black/African. I also just notice gossipy, 2-faced behaviour. And all of this makes me feel unsafe. I want to do something about it but I feel so much fear. Any ideas?"

Listen along as we discuss:

• 6:57 The upside of anger and how to work with it skillfully
• 7:47 The importance of knowing what you WANT to say
• 11:10 "Why is this happening?"
• 13:04 "I'm scared I'll get fired"
• 21:09 Addressing issues from the power-under position

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Follow me on YouTube
• Join my membership program
• Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

It's a common - if painful - dynamic: we want to share our pain with another in the hopes of receiving empathy, but their best move is to try and fix our pain by finding fault with something we've said or done.

It is so hurtful to be blamed for our own pain.

In this week's episode, a caller asks a universally applicable question: "What can I do when I share my pain with my spouse and he blames me for it?"

Highlights include:

• 2:50 If all I get is blame, why should I even try to have the conversation?
• 7:03 How to ground a discussion in a micro moment
• 10:03 Scripts that help "waking up" feel pleasurable and not painful
• 12:05 Doing the inner work necessary for successful conversations
• 15:15 A script for getting to "Yes"
• 22:54 "I'm not trying to change you."
• 24:24 The role of our defensive system

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Follow me on YouTube
• Join my membership program
• Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

It can be so difficult to know what to say next. Whether you need to have a personal or professional conversation, sometimes finding the words are hard.

In this week's podcast, we script out four different conversations for four different scenarios. We discuss:

• 1:06 "Please tell me you love me, dad."
• 8:54 "I'm sorry, but you're fired."
• 15:47 "I want to stay. Do you want that, too?"
• 29:16 "Dear child, this is my boundary."

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Follow me on YouTube
• Join my membership program
• Come to my Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus