In today's episode I will be discussing lack of accountability in relationships, why this happens and how this contributes to a negative cycle. If you have ever explained to someone how something they did to you hurt you and experienced them completely denying, disregarding or even blaming you for what happened, you may have experienced a lack of accountability. Victims of childhood trauma can spend lifetimes looking for and seeking accountability from abusers who will never give it. If the victim does eventually receive an apology , it can sometimes not even feel like the relief the victim was hoping it would be because that apology can end up really being for the person who inflicted the trauma and not for the victim and sadly, it may not remove the pain.

As an abuse survivor I know first hand what it is like to never hear the words “I am sorry” from an abuser, I also know what it is like to hear the words “I am sorry but….” followed by excuse after excuse from an abuser, and, I know what it is like for an abuser to remember a reality that couldn't be further from the truth - a reality in which they were the victim that never did anything wrong. It can make you feel like you made it all up, like you imagined it - it can make you spin looking for truths. It is important for you to know abusers do this intentionally, it is a well crafted manipulation intended to make you doubt yourself and your true memories of what happened to you.

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

I would value and appreciate support of my show. This will help me continue to help you - subscribe today for as little as $3.00 per month here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2364681/support

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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata

Todays episode is an Introduction to the invisibility of abuse. You may be wondering what happened in my household and how the abuse I endured or anyone endures, can go unseen.

Most of us are familiar with the age-old adage - things are not always what they seem. In today's world we are surrounded by social media. For the most part, users control the way the world sees them and only share positive heavily filtered (literally and figuratively) views of their life on social media. Let's go back about 40 years ago, when social media did not exist. There were no cell phones, there was no internet or household computer then. Yet even then, things were not always what they seemed and could be filtered. This is the thing about human nature, most people will only divulge what will make them safe in a crowd and part of this is because of our primal need to fit in in order to keep us safe from threats. Our primitive brain is hardwired to keep us safe, so if presenting a life that is truthful could lead to rejection which in turn equates to the risk of dying due to predators or the outside elements, of course people are not incentivised to share the harder parts of life easily. These events can remain bottled up, never to be seen by the light of day until years pass and it bubbles over. This is exactly what happened to me.

Since starting this podcast I have had countless people say to me that they had no idea what I was going through, even when I was going through it. Their impression of my childhood was completely the opposite of what it truly was. They have shared that this podcast has been eye opening and hard to hear as someone that knew me during the time I was going through what I did. This has been said to me by both close family members and friends. I completely believe what they are saying, because, things are not always what they seem.

I have a picture of me as a little girl which you can find on my social media accounts. In this picture I would say people would comment that I look happy and healthy, I even look like my basic needs are being met. The thing is though, all of this could not be further from the truth.

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

I would value and appreciate support of my show. This will help me continue to help you - subscribe today for as little as $3.00 per month here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2364681/support

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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata

This episode features an introduction to anticipatory fear - also referred to as fear of what is going to happen next or dreading the future and anticipatory anxiety,

If you have ever experienced worry about something that has not happened yet you have experienced anticipatory fear or anxiety. As a primal need to feel safe in the future, this fear makes complete sense. However, for some, this fear becomes debilitating and feels uncontrollable. In today's episode I will be discussing an introduction to anticipatory fear as it relates to unhealed trauma and the negative trauma cycle.

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

I would value and appreciate support of my show. This will help me continue to help you - subscribe today for as little as $3.00 per month here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2364681/support

You can reach me here:
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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata

Video link to episode is: here
(https://youtu.be/HIe_IUu-R4k)

So what exactly is a critical illness?
A critical illness can be a progressive, degenerative or malignant condition that places a person’s life in jeopardy. It may also be a medical condition in which immediate medical support of vital organ functions is needed in order to survive due to severe illness or major surgery.

My story:
From about the age of 9 or 10 I remember getting dizzy at unexpected times and sometimes for great lengths of time. I remember swimming and suddenly the pool would look like it was rotating, but not fully. The pool would appear to start to move from left to right and then suddenly stop and the movement would start again at the left. This started to happen when I would lie down, when I would figure skate, when I would walk - anywhere and at any time. Then I started to get what doctors thought were regular bouts of the stomach flu. I would be so dizzy and throwing up so much that I would have to lie in bed for days and days and eventually, the symptoms would subside. It was not until I went on a ride over and over again at an amusement park and could barely walk after that I was sent to a specialist who discovered the tumor with an MRI. Two separate medical opinions confirmed that the tumor had to be removed within two months from the date it was discovered. It was benign yet growing and had been there for so long that liquid built up in my brain was becoming more and more dangerous.

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

I would value and appreciate support of my show. This will help me continue to help you - subscribe today for as little as $3.00 per month here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2364681/support

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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata

We know enough about negative intergenerational trauma cycles to understand they are unhealthy and dangerous and that there is a huge personal and financial cost. However, what are we truly doing as a movement to prevent this? There are people trying to make a difference yet why has this not taken off when so many I would argue lesser important trends and issues have?

I am proof that one can heal from trauma, but I also know first hand this is a process that takes years, costs a lot of money and is easier to walk away from than to go through. It also must be completed in order to stop the vicious cycle.

I am going to give you some numbers to help put the problem into perspective, I expect most of you will be shocked to see how costly the problem is:

In 2018 child abuse cost Canadians $23 billion dollars annually and in the United States of America the cost was $2 trillion dollars annually - this is in the form of health care, court fees, social services and long-term effects on earnings, this is a conservative number because we know that not all cases are reported and addressed, this number has only increased over time. In 2023 a study came out explaining that in the United States the economic burden of health conditions caused by Adverse Childhood Experiences was $14 trillion dollars.

The countries I have just mentioned are prosperous - the United States is the world's third most wealthiest nation and Canada is the world's eighth wealthiest nation. Can you imagine what is happening in countries that are not prosperous?

Now you can understand why I am so puzzled as to why we are not doing more about this.

Please share this information with those around you, people need to be aware of a problem and then admit to it in order to make progress. This theme flows through my previous episodes, in order for us to work through our traumatic experiences, we need to acknowledge their very existence in the first place.

If anyone out there needs help pushing this movement out there, let me know, I would love to talk to you to see how we can make a positive meaningful change together.

You can find ways to contact and follow me here:
https://linktr.ee/cyclebreakerchangemaker

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

I would value and appreciate support of my show. This will help me continue to help you - subscribe today for as little as $3.00 per month here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2364681/support

You can reach me here:
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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata

Episode 5 - Introduction To Triggers - emotional triggers, mental health triggers or psychological triggers

In today's episode I will be discussing an introduction to emotional, mental health or psychological triggers. It is important to understand that not all strong emotional reactions are a trigger response - if you are grieving the death of a loved one it is appropriate to have intense emotional and physical feelings. Those feelings are safe and should not be reduced or changed.
What I will be addressing today is when your trigger response is very significant when the event the trigger is in response to is actually not significant. I will be looking at why the response may not be appropriate for the situation at hand.

Trauma can lead to triggers because a traumatic event leaves the victim feeling completely powerless, sometimes even leading to dissociation in order to preserve yourself because of the immense emotional pain the experience may cause. This is why you may experience a trigger response that seems as if it has come out of nowhere. It in fact, comes out of a very important place - it means you are now able to look at and address the pain.

Here is a helpful link to breathwork with Melissa Seguin:

https://morning-fog-251.myflodesk.com/breathworkinfo?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTAAAR3ifthmp6smjakphHP_auhYh_IwwdbsJcx9Sbde_71Q6qQ0wfQFKK0ykOQ_aem_AXXHwtoW2v1xwxuBe-bQbeounV5JlLLysGV7nDJj0kMY_CAkaJtpzCfgfkyOQ0fj-N6CkoaZxlqvoXrCud33vw0k

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

I would value and appreciate support of my show. This will help me continue to help you - subscribe today for as little as $3.00 per month here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2364681/support

You can reach me here:
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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata

Episode 4 - Introduction to letting go

In today's episode I will focus on an introduction to letting people go. This can be a friend, a colleague, a relative or anyone that is in your life that is not serving you well.

So what exactly does letting go of someone mean?

I will be discussing letting go of a relationship in the following framework:

You have already accepted how a relationship has developed and have come to realize it is not one you can continue, and you need to move on from it in order to move forward in your own life. It is important to know that letting go of someone can be a very difficult thing to do, it can appear that some people do this easily and with no remorse, however for most of us who experience meaningful connections it is a very hard process and requires the seven stages of grief to move on from.

How does not letting go of someone who is not serving you contribute to a negative cycle?

When you stay in a relationship that is not healthy for you out of your sense of obligation or your sense of fear it limits your ability to navigate your own life and can prevent you from finding happiness or contribute to you becoming very unhappy. When you are tethered or attached to someone unhealthy or unhelpful you can’t possibly be free - they are always on the back of your mind as it is impossible for them not to be. It is a huge weight that you carry, day in and day out. Additionally, maintaining these relationships reinforces the behavior that is perhaps toxic, negative or abusive. By staying, you are allowing yourself and the other person involved to believe that it is okay to continue existing in this way.

My story:

I grew up thinking and believing that cultural and societal norms and expectations were the only way to exist. I was applauded for being such a good person, a tolerant person, a patient person and so on - I held myself to a standard of excellence that ended up being to my detriment. This included maintaining many relationships that were not safe or good for me, because based on the way I understood the world - it was my obligation to do so. Praise only reinforced my behavior. While internally I was so unhappy, empty and unfulfilled, I was receiving praise so I took that to mean I was doing something positive. The problem with praise is when people give it, they often do not look at the whole story and it can reinforce bad behaviors. It was not until I was told over and over again by other survivors that you do not have to stay in bad relationships just because society says you should that I realized I was the exception in staying in the relationship for so long and I knew that I needed to take steps to correct this.

How did this impact me as an adult?

Staying in negative relationships for me became like wearing cement with scary objects in it. I began to feel weighed down because I was emotionally exhausted from dealing with unhealthy relationships and from putting others' needs before my own. I would do everything I could to placate other people so that they would not become upset with me in order to protect myself and

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

I would value and appreciate support of my show. This will help me continue to help you - subscribe today for as little as $3.00 per month here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2364681/support

You can reach me here:
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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata

This episode is all about abandonment, what it is, what it can cause and how to break its vicious cycle. You may be surprised at the amount of events that can lead to abandonment trauma. Additionally you will also learn how I almost lost my life when I was abandoned an how I have overcome my fears of being alone.

Support the Show.

Thank you for listening to todays episode! I would love to hear from you and to receive your questions and feedback.

I would value and appreciate support of my show. This will help me continue to help you - subscribe today for as little as $3.00 per month here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2364681/support

You can reach me here:
Website
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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata