It's a common - if painful - dynamic: we want to share our pain with another in the hopes of receiving empathy, but their best move is to try and fix our pain by finding fault with something we've said or done.

It is so hurtful to be blamed for our own pain.

In this week's episode, a caller asks a universally applicable question: "What can I do when I share my pain with my spouse and he blames me for it?"

Highlights include:

• 2:50 If all I get is blame, why should I even try to have the conversation?
• 7:03 How to ground a discussion in a micro moment
• 10:03 Scripts that help "waking up" feel pleasurable and not painful
• 12:05 Doing the inner work necessary for successful conversations
• 15:15 A script for getting to "Yes"
• 22:54 "I'm not trying to change you."
• 24:24 The role of our defensive system

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• What's Your Listening Style: Take the Quiz!
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It can be so difficult to know what to say next. Whether you need to have a personal or professional conversation, sometimes finding the words are hard.

In this week's podcast, we script out four different conversations for four different scenarios. We discuss:

• 1:06 "Please tell me you love me, dad."
• 8:54 "I'm sorry, but you're fired."
• 15:47 "I want to stay. Do you want that, too?"
• 29:16 "Dear child, this is my boundary."

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• What's Your Listening Style: Take the Quiz!
• Have a Question? Join us live
• Want to Work with Me? Read More Here.
• IG: @dryvetteerasmus
• TikTok: @dr.yvetteerasmus
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvetteerasmus/

What do you do when you discover that a friend or loved one sees something in a polar opposite way to how you're seeing it?

Are you able to stay in a place of grounded, open curiosity, or do you find yourself getting worked up and activated, wanting to change their minds?

It can be very challenging to connect with loved ones when our belief systems don't match, or when our worldviews are colliding.

On this week's podcast, we tackle the hard work of connecting - with friends, with family - around hot button issues.

We discuss:

• 1:37 How can I connect with my parents who don't support my choices?
• 13:55 My best friend and I clash over Palestine
• 33:23 An NVC celebration regarding Human 101
• 39:27 Moving past the past

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Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• What's Your Listening Style: Take the Quiz!
• Have a Question? Join us live
• Want to Work with Me? Read More Here.
• IG: @dryvetteerasmus
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• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvetteerasmus/

As we run through our everyday lives, we'll inevitably bump up against other humans who might be less resourced than we are.

Catching others as they're having a bad day can provide us stellar opportunities to increase our own empathy, and we don't even have to say a word.

On this week's episode, we delve into ways to manage our own nervous systems amidst the triggered nervous systems of others, including:

• 4:24 How can someone be verbally aggressive and still profess love?
• 12:59 What yelling does, and doesn't do
• 16:54 How can NVC help me when I feel frozen?
• 24:06 How can capacity building help me field someone else's triggered reactions?
• 30:13 How can I get better at holding my own needs along with someone else's?
• 37:37 The 2 part practice for fielding someone else's triggered response

—

Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• What's Your Listening Style: Take the Quiz!
• Have a Question? Join us live
• Want to Work with Me? Read More Here.
• IG: @dryvetteerasmus
• TikTok: @dr.yvetteerasmus
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvetteerasmus/

Do you ever worry that empathy is getting in the way?

In this week's episode, one caller worried that empathizing with his mother in law's fear of having cancer was actually making her anxiety worse, and not better.

On this call one of the things we discuss is anxiety, and some of the tips we can use when trying to empathize with someone who's feeling anxious.

• 1:51 My friend is dismissive when I try to talk about my body.
• 15:24 Our bodies have often been used as tools of oppression.
• 17:34 I'm confused, and you get defensive when I ask questions.
• 35:56 Dad, is your offer to pay for college still open?
• 41:45 Is empathy increasing the anxiety?
• 46:57 How can I stay grounded in myself when I'm falling for you?

—

Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• What's Your Listening Style: Take the Quiz!
• Have a Question? Join us live
• Want to Work with Me? Read More Here.
• IG: @dryvetteerasmus
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• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvetteerasmus/

It's only human to want the traditional NVC formula to solve all our connection problems.

However, what the traditional observation, feelings, needs and request paradigm often does best is help us sort our own stuff out internally, first. After we use it to get our own stuff straight, then we can experiment with the best way to connect with those around us.

Want to experience this with a real life example? Here's what we discuss on this week's episode:

• 3:31 When identifying feelings and needs is internal - not external - work
• 9:37 Getting wrongness out of the picture
• 13:40 A script for moving forward

—

Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• What's Your Listening Style: Take the Quiz!
• Have a Question? Join us live
• Want to Work with Me? Read More Here.
• IG: @dryvetteerasmus
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• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvetteerasmus/

Do you find yourself plotting out how you're going to respond to someone even while they're still talking to you?

We all do this.

And it never works well. Not for any of us.

Upleveling our listening skills is one of the most important upgrades we can make for our relationships. Today's episode is rich with ideas of where to focus during a conversation in order to create an experience that fosters intimacy and connection for both parties.

We discuss:

• 1:20 I'm defensive and I jump to conclusions in conversations with my partner. How do I stop?
• 3:22 How to focus on our 2 internal listening resources
• 4:28 Tips for listening deeply
• 9:02 Surfacing universal human needs
• 14:12 How "right" and "wrong" block our ability to listen from our heart
• 15:58 Unlearning domination programming
• 22:11 The price of disowning anger

—

Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• What's Your Listening Style: Take the Quiz!
• Have a Question? Join us live
• Want to Work with Me? Read More Here.
• IG: @dryvetteerasmus
• TikTok: @dr.yvetteerasmus
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvetteerasmus/

In this week's mini-episode, we delve into the needs that can be met when our family steps up to contribute to our lives in meaningful, important ways, and the loneliness and grief that can occur when they are no longer willing to help.

We discover:

• 2:53 My brother-in-law doesn't want to help me anymore and my feelings are hurt
• 7:30 A script for checking things out
• 11:27 Ways to honor freedom and choice

—

Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified when I publish an episode weekly.

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• What's Your Listening Style: Take the Quiz!
• Have a Question? Join us live
• Want to Work with Me? Read More Here.
• IG: @dryvetteerasmus
• TikTok: @dr.yvetteerasmus
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvetteerasmus/