It's Not You

Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People

By: Ramani Durvasula PhD

Narrated by: Ramani Durvasula PhD, Maria Shriver

INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

From clinical psychologist and expert in narcissistic relationships Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a guide to protecting and healing yourself from the daily harms of narcissism

AN OPEN FIELD PUBLICATION FROM MARIA SHRIVER

It’s not always easy to tell when you’re dealing with a narcissistic person. One day they draw you in with their charm and charisma, the next they gaslight you, wreck your self-esteem, and leave you wondering, What should I have done differently? As Dr. Ramani explains in It’s Not You, the answer is: absolutely nothing.

Just as a tiger can’t change its stripes, a narcissist will not stop manipulating and invalidating you, no matter how much you try to appease them. The first step toward healing from their toxic influence—and to protect yourself from future harm—is to accept that you are not to blame for their behavior.

Drawing on more than two decades of studying the landscape of narcissism and working with survivors, Dr. Ramani explores how narcissists hijack our well-being and offers a healing path forward. Unpacking the oft-misunderstood personality, she reveals the telltale behavioral patterns that indicate you may be dealing with a narcissist. Along the way, you’ll learn how to become gaslight resistant, chip away at the trauma bonds that keep you stuck in the cycle, grieve the loss of these painful relationships, create and maintain realistic boundaries, discern unhelpful behaviors from narcissistic behaviors, and recover your sense of self after constant invalidation.

Thriving after, or even during, a narcissistic relationship can be challenging, but It’s Not You shows you it is possible. Dr. Ramani invites you to stop blaming yourself and trying to change the narcissistic person, and to start giving yourself permission to let go of their hold on you and finally embrace your true self.

Very informational. Exactly what I needed.

I love this doctor and I love her narrating. I couldn’t wait to get this book because I needed help understanding how to handle a narcissist. Especially when it’s your own daughter.

My eyes are opened…it’s Not Me!

I for like say many lines in this book was my story. Only to find out I’m not alone. Tye veil has been lifted and I’m seeing my true light. Thank u.

A must read for healing from toxic relationship

From all the books and podcast I have read/listened this is the best guide to healing from a narcissist relationship. Dr Ramani clearly explains the process and gives you hope that it is possible to heal. I love how Dr Ramani explained that healing is about forgiving yourself and give yourself permission to start your new life on your terms.
Thank you Dr Ramani for such positive guide.

She explains it all so clearly

Life-changing. True. Accurate. Validating. I hope you know how much survivors of narcissistic abuse need this book. Thank you.

This book has simply changed my life.

Dr. Durvasala is absolutely amazing, she helped me take back the reins of my life and take control again. Not only has this book changed my life but it’s also changed me for the better. Given me the strength to be the woman I’ve always wanted to be. Thank you so much for helping me see and stop the living nightmare I was in and too overwhelmed to stand up and rescue myself. I am so much stronger and amazing than I ever even knew and my life has never been on such a great direction. It takes work but she’s the angelic voice I’ve prayed for after years and years of my own demons. Thank you Dr Durvasula you have helped me find my own voice and true North and I’ve never been so excited for the future. I hope you know that you helped pull the little blonde haired blue eyed girl out of the dark , and I’ve been there for so long I genuinely forgot what happiness felt like. You are the first person in my life that has ever taught me what self love and self respect means.