Hold Me Under

Water, Air, Earth, Fire, Book 1

By: Riley Nash

Narrated by: J.F. Harding, Stephen Dexter

Length: 9 hrs and 34 mins

Publisher's summary

Love is cheap. Love is cruel. Love can’t save us.

Victor Lang had everything—looks, money, fame. A chance to become the greatest swimmer in history. Until a failed dope test brought him crashing down.

According to the rumors, he turned into a recluse, a drug addict, a whore. Broken beyond repair. Incapable of love.

And for some reason, he’s set his sights on me.

A freak accident in his pool throws me into a world of wealth and status and people who are willing to do anything to get what they want. Before I know it, I’m being paid to fly to Italy and pose as his boyfriend. Trapped at his side, I learn what it means to truly hate someone.

Turns out, that’s exactly what he wants.

I can’t save him, and I can’t love him. But as things fall apart and I discover the truths he’s hiding, I learn that hate can be greater than love—an obsession, a prayer, dark days and darker nights, a need to be the only one who hurts him. Hate can heal the worst wounds love leaves behind.

But I have problems of my own, a broken spirit and loved ones to protect. And I’m scared to face the things he’s waking up inside of me.

A gritty, emotional, epic hate-to-love slow burn with an inexperienced top and his bratty bottom, hurt/comfort, obsession, and healing.

Contains dark themes, adult content, and potential triggers, though every effort was made to portray them thoughtfully and sensitively.

Specific triggers (potential spoilers): sexual abuse (off the page), suicidal ideation, drug abuse, disordered eating, trauma, death, mental illness, homophobic language

©2022 Riley Nash (P)2022 Riley Nash

I seriously need a hug after this, so beautiful!

For the love of romance, this book took it out of me. My heart feels confused. Is it broken? Is it repaired? I don't know.

Victor you seriously disturbed boy. You've had everything you've ever needed your entire life and here you are acting as if you haven't been given anything. As if you don't need anyone and anything because they will just be gone anyway so what is the point of getting attached in the first place. Then Ethan, I don't know what to say about you sir other than you deserve saint hood because I would have choked Victor out about a dozen times in the first three chapters!!

Come on... I don't bash stories; don't you know me by now? Uh, my heart! I literally have been seeing this book everywhere for so long now and it was just one of those stories that kept getting pushed back into my TBR for another date and I am seriously kicking myself in the butt because of it. Victor might have been this difficult character, but his life was not easy, the tragedies he suffered ultimately broke him in a way no one could have predicted. And Ethan was lucky enough to be that for him, to love him and be someone he could finally trust.

Narration matters, I have said that time and time again because it does. J.F. Harding and Stephen Dexter made this book for me with their portrayals of these characters. Stephen was a new to me narrator and now I am like "I WANT MORE" and then J.F. Harding won my heart the first time he said darlin' as a cowboy.

When Riley puts that this is a "Guaranteed HEA" they weren't wrong but at the same time this was earned through tears, fears and so much hate. I can't even imagine how deep Riley had to dive to get this story onto the pages but boy am I glad they did.

Passionate and great narration

Audio ARC provided by Riley Nash

🖤 MM romance
🖤 enemies to lovers
🖤 hurt/comfort
🖤 fake dating
🖤 forced proximity
🖤 slow burn
🖤 steamy scenes
🖤 high angst

The Story line

Victor Lang, once the greatest swimmer until he tested positive for doping. His fall from gracious has left him a reclusive and suffering from mental health.

Ethan is working several jobs caring for his mother who’s slowly fading as dementia has taken a hold of her body.
Working landscaping he ends up at Victors big house and realizing who he is (a childhood idol) has him take a step backwards into the pool, and he panics when he has flashbaks of when he almost drowned trying to save his cousin. Victor dives in to bring him up to the surface.

Weird behaviour from victor and a visit from his dad, offering Ethan money to pretend to be in a relationship with Victor. Money that he needs to fulfill a dream of taking his mom around the world.

They go to europe to promote Victors return to the world but Victor wants no part of that world, and struggles deeply to function. Ethan thinks maybe he can help him, but struggles himself with a troubled past and they both really end up helping each other.

Their mutual hatred towards each other from the beginning, makes this a dynamic ping pong relationship where they eventually end up having sex, just for fun, and just until they go back home. But somewhere along the line feeling develop and Ethan starts to see Victor’s true reasons for struggling with so many things in the world.

The Audiobook

J.F. Harding and Stephen Dexter do an amazing job narrating this book. Both are passionate and great actors. You feel each of the MCs struggles and they really has you listning to the storyline.

Please take note of the author's TWs - there are lots of confronting issues, although most of them are off-page.

Gut punch of emotions

With most reviews, I write them as I listen to the book BUT with this book I couldn’t. I literally had no words, just emotions. I was never sure if the punches to the gut would end or if these two lost souls would ever find happiness.

There are many parts that are so deeply sad. You wallow in the grief. Ethan has lost so much and is scared of the water for very good reasons. Victor’s only refuge is the water. He’s an Olympic caliber swimmer. Victor has been traumatized by the people who he was supposed to trusted the most. This has turned him into a recluse. Fate throws these two together and the journey to their HEA is fraught with emotional moments and epically sad backstories.

I’m happy I listened to this but I also should mention that you definitely should heed the TWs for this book. I’m glad the book ended so hopefully. These characters deserved the happiness. The narration was excellent and really captured the feeling and vibe well.

J F Harding!!

This was a completely great listen !! Very story driven with compelling, real , raw characters with very sexy steam ! J F Harding will swoon you as always ! Stephen Dexter is very entertaining as well !

I'm feeling generous, give it a try.

Let's start with the narration. I will listen to JF Harding any day of the week. However he was wasted in this book. So many reviews gush about the "perfect pairing" or how great Stephen Dexter is. Nonsense. Have you listened to Sarina Bowen's "Roommate"? If you have, you have heard the Dexter one trick pony narration. I could hear a line from that book over and over "we're having butter fried chick-en, mashed po-ta-toes..." I wanted to scream. Everything he does sounds the same. Sure, it has pleasing moments of gravel, but I do not like his women's voice work, and like too many narrators, he has a trademark cadence that is employed in every book of his I have heard. I have said in other reviews that I am 100% over the dual narration, this book is perfect example of why. The characters do not have equal page time. Dexter reads the larger part which immediately irritated me as I realized the structure of the book. Harding is completely wasted, and their vocal choices for the characters contradicts the other narrators choices. Why is this a thing?

Now the story. Nash does an overall pleasing job. It is trope heavy, but mostly well done. Cold, controlling father, misunderstood bad boy, the hardworking guy with the weight of the world on his shoulders - they are all there. I will be as careful as I can be, but there might be hints of plot ahead. Non plot irritants - Victor wears thongs? WTF is that about? He is a swimmer, not a go-go dancer. It is mentioned several times and it makes no sense. Also, we are expected to believe that the world of competitive swimming is rife with narcotics and alcohol abuse. Cocaine? Pills? I would believe a character, but a whole co-ed team? Then there is the issue between father and son which is constantly alluded to, but is never really resolved, just a single sentence that clears up nothing.

There are a number of little things at the end that make no sense, but you just have to let them go and enjoy the odd chemistry Nash has written, Detailing here would give away parts of the resolution. I do recommend for the well handled tropes. I think a better read than listen, but you can get through the audio. I have listened twice.

Beautiful

I cried too many times. This story was amazing and I can’t wait to finish the series

breathtaking

beautiful writing and beautiful narration. the story of Victor and Ethan gripped me from beginning to end. sometimes it hurt. actually it hurt a lot of the times. but it was so beautifully told that I didn't want to stop listening.
a disgraced former Olympian hopeful and a man trying to help his mother cross paths and begin a journey that will leave them both changed.
please check the trigger warnings on this one, but the story was well worth the pain for me. I loved every second of this book.

So many feelings

I love a story that grips your emotions in an iron fist and sucks you completely into the story. Hold Me Under was emotionally charged, sad, uplifting, and impossible to put down. Riley Nash has once again left me emotionally wrung out and I loved every moment of this story. I knew right from the beginning that Victor was suffering deeply which helped me to eventually love him even though he was awful in so many ways at the beginning of this story. This was such a beautiful story of healing, but you have to keep reading to find it.

Victor had it all. Destined for the Olympics after setting many world swimming records, it all ends when he tests positive for doping and goes into hiding. Ethan is desperately trying to take care of his mother. When a pool accident makes their paths cross, Ethan gets dragged into a world he never knew with Victor. Victor wants no part of that world, and struggles so deeply to function. Each man clings to their mutual hatred to make it through the situation they find themselves in. But as they each start to see the other as a person, their walls start crumbling, and the future doesn’t seem so bleak.

Both men in this story have their own struggles, but I loved how they eventually connected. This story was such an emotional journey that it was a little painful at times but totally worth it in the end. I adored who these men became as the story unfolded. I don’t want to give anything away, but this was not an easy story to read. Victor is a jerk. It’s hard to read about suffering and that is what both men do for parts of this story. They had to work for their much deserved HEA that made the story so much sweeter for me in the end. There are a lot of trigger warnings for this story. I can’t disclose or I give away parts of the plot. But if you don’t struggle with hard material, this story is worth every moment you spend reading it.

M/M Enemies to lover Forced Proximity great story!

MM Enemies to lover forced proximity sexual abuse mental health
I listened to “Hold Me Under” written by Riley Nash, narrated by JF Harding & Stephen Dexter. This book is a M/M story with sexual abuse, mental health, eating disorder, enemies to lovers and forced proximity tropes. This book is a journey from hero worship and fame through loss, manipulation, toxic relationships to recognition, respect, and eventually love. It is not an easy journey and I really felt connected to Ethan’s character with a real distaste for Victor. In the end, I really couldn’t tell you who I liked more because who they ended up being was so much more than they were in the beginning.
The character development throughout the book was great. I loved watching them grow and explore and reveal themselves to each other. The trauma each of them have endured obviously shapes them, but to what extent we don’t know for sure until a very climactic reveal. Ethan is the hard-working, devoted son who gave up his dreams to take care of his mentally ill mother. Victor is a swimming legend who had his success stripped away after a doping scandal. He’s a recluse now, with some serious hang-ups about intimacy, eating, and basic human interaction. The reader will easily deduce who the good guys and bad guys are, but knowing someone is bad and learning what they’ve actually done are two very different things. There is a happy ending, but I like that they don’t just jump into it after the reveal; it takes time, introspection, and a lot of work to get there. The author does a beautiful job demonstrating that even people who think they shouldn’t be loved can have a change of heart.

Hold Me Under

omg, this book was really good, at 1st I was like Victor was a freaking brat. but after chapters 3or4 I was like okay he's very lost, and the way his relationship with his dad was a bit off. but Ethan knew something was up, and he hated him but also wanted to help him. and at the same time, they both were falling in love with each other. and to be honest they both need one another. best love story ❤️ 💕 to be honest I want more.