Podcast (Season 2, Episode 2) – Connecting with your lover - physically, emotionally and mentally 

Transcript:

Hello there! Today we're going to be speaking about mental, emotional and physical connections with our partners / lovers. The reason I find this so exciting and so important is it's really useful and empowering to organise what is being received and being given in a relationship, so that we can become conscious of what's coming into us, and what's coming out of us. And if there's anything that we want to change, we can then do it.

So I'm going to propose to organise the energetic interaction between you and your partner or your future partner in the following three categories.

Mental 
These are the ideas, the discussions, the decision making, that goes on between you.

Emotional
Emotional connection is about love. It's about feeling, it's about intimacy, it's about romance. It's about that feeling in the heart “Wow, I love you so much, I feel so much love from you”. And actually beyond the giving and receiving, it's when we fall in love with our partners. We are opening something within ourselves, which is our true nature. And sometimes it's hard to find, to discover, to celebrate, to reveal that love until we meet someone that just opens those doors. Somehow they have the key to just open our hearts. And when we do, when we open our heart to another person and we feel with them, it stimulates self-love, it stimulates love for everything; for oneself, for ‘other’, for the entire life process.

Physical 
And then we have physical and that's about primarily well-being. It's also about pleasure, ecstasy, orgasm, sexual. It's also about how to live together, resource allocation, boundaries. Okay, so as I say these things you may be thinking, Well, yeah, the mental - very good, emotional - sometimes difficult, physical - really working out here but not here.

So if you if you look at your relationship and become conscious of the mental, the emotional and the physical connection, you can start learning to master it at an even higher level. And then decide what is it that you wish to receive? And what is it that you wish to give? How do you like to be loved, heard, held, seen? What can you offer? And perhaps there's some bits that are missing in your relationship? And you can ask if this something that you need from the relationship? Or could you outsource it to another relationship? Now when I say that, I don't mean multiple sexual partners. I'm talking about maybe having more friends, having a guy's group, a girls group. Looking really honestly ‘what are your needs?’ And where are they being met. And if you feel like you don't deserve for them to be met, then exploring that. So that you can uncover where the shame around that need is. So that it can transform into something amazing. You know, then a relationship becomes not something difficult, or an annoying thing or a challenging thing, but actually something very beautiful. There are challenging moments but it's totally worthwhile. It becomes the very apex of life.
To have a best friend with benefits. You know, somebody who is your lover, your best friend, your soulmate, your mirror, your twin flame. I'm using poetic language but somebody you can trust [and] someone who's there for you. Someone who sits, sits with you side by side, as you eat your dinner. You're on the same team. You want what's best for each other. You love each other not because of what the other one's going to give you, but because of who they are, and the essence of who they are. Open something within yourself that brings you so much joy!

Presence 
And the last final piece, and I leave it for the end, ‘who is aware of the mental emo

Transcript: 

So today we're going to speak about love, loss and freedom. 

Love is about merging with another. Connecting with another. And that begins by being authentic, honest, radically honest, sharing all the positives. How somebody makes us feel, you know, the wanting ,the longing, the happiness, the joy, and also the fears, the sadness, the hopelessness, anything that we are feeling, we're honest and open. And then when we own that, our vulnerability ceases to be a weakness and starts to become a power. And when we do that, we unconsciously give our partner the permission to feel it to. And if we can be with whatever it is that we are with, and share it with another and they can be the same. That's what intimacy is. Intimacy is the ingredient to a successful relationship, to trust, to build a good foundation where you can rely and trust that the other person will be there, will be honest, will have the capacity to meet you physically, emotionally, mentally and beyond. So the first step is love. 

Then the next is loss. Now there are those who say, well, once you merge with consciousness loss doesn't exist, where we're never really separated, we're all one, we're all one, we're all one. This is a misconception, or it's a half truth. At our very essence, at the core of who we are, we are one. And if we've done the inner work, and we've uncovered and reveal the essence of who we are beyond everything that defines us as a person, we can rest in the abode of presence, and be and simply be, and that beingness is love. So in that dimension, there's no such thing as separation. But within the dimension of physicality, emotion, mental, and all the things that make us unique, and apart, that happens, there is such a thing as separation. And that's why we have grief. That's why we have the fear of loss. When partners die, or leave, the fear of separation is incredibly real. 

And the only thing, in my experience, that can help us manage this very difficult phase, the fear of abandonment, of being alone after having such a sweet connection [is being present]. You know, whether it's physical connection through sex and pleasure, emotional connection through love, mental [connection] through through joy and a freedom of connecting on a mental level, and then beyond, spiritually, energetically to have that communion, at the deepest level, where you're where you're feeling like you're met, at the deepest level in like a like a mirror, or a twin flame. So whatever that merger or connection is, the separation bit, the last bit, is inevitable. And only when we can really step in, to accepting that separation is a part of life and work through loss. Embrace loss, embrace grief, feel abandonment, feel inadequacy and then come through to the other side. Only then do we experience freedom. 

And this freedom is the capacity to feel all things.  To be in love. And then to feel the space, the separation and the loss and the pain. To be both with the joy and the sadness. It's like two wings on a bird. And you become, or in fact you already are, the singularity. The stillness, the silence that can hold both wings. Bittersweet thorns on roses. So freedom gives the ability, the capacity to be bold enough to experience more of reality, the highs and the lows and remain stable. So that we can weave in and out of each other's lives in a healthy way. And it's so worth it. And to me, it is the greatest joy of life, to connect to disconnect while being rooted in our being. 

I hope this serves you and if you have any questions, of course, do let me know. 

Do you feel frustrated by an increasingly polarised world?

Sergio Sarkis invites guest speaker Sam Taylor to discuss. 

This podcast is dedicated to help you bridge the polarities, embody the change and offer creative and practical solutions, for yourself and the world. Together, let’s learn to dance with our dualism, step out of the shadows and into the light of our true potential.

If you are struggling with negative thoughts at the moment, especially due to this crisis, I ‘d like to share a practice with you that should help.

This practice is about choosing how you wish to be in relation to the world. How do you wish to meet your thoughts and feelings?

Here are some examples I have used:

• Joy
• Gratitude
• Curiosity
• Love
• A big Yes

It doesn't matter what you choose. The point is it is your freedom to become whatever you wish as you go about your daily activities. Your commitment is to the energy you bring to your actions rather than the outcome. And no matter what happens on the outside, you remain true to your intention to become what you choose, just like a tree that remains rooted in spite of the wind. This practice is not about creating or manifesting an outcome. It is about meeting the world, just as it is, with a certain quality of being.

This alchemic process allows you to transform your negative thoughts and feelings to positive ones. For instance, when you add joy to your sadness, your sadness melts into compassion. When you add love to your anger, your anger burns into courage and clarity.

Have a go yourself now. Choose how you wish to meet the world and apply it to your body.

• Start with your feet.
• Move onto your legs
• And then your hips
• Allow any thoughts and feeling to be there
• Move onto your stomach, chest, shoulders, arms
• And now your through, face
• And finally on your entire body

Now how do you feel? What changed?

If you need any support, feel free to contact me. 

Pleasure to support you, 

Sergio  

Are you struggling with?

• Uncertainty - Anxiety - Fear
• Boredom - Frustration - Anger
• Loss - Sadness - Grief
• Relationship issues
• Career & Financial concerns
• Health problems

If you are, especially due to this crisis, I ‘d like to share a practice with you that should help. Have a watch of the video above. 

Letting go is particularly useful for people who need to be busy or in control. With a crisis like Covid-19, even those who are healthy are not able to continue with our work as normal. We are confronted with much more spare time. This spare time can turned into boredom, anxiety, fear, or, it can be used to learn how to let go.

This practice is fundamentally about surrendering purpose. For so many of us, our purpose defines us. It’s who we are. This is all well and good if we are always busy but when we are not, we enter into an existential crisis. It can creep up on us. Purpose is not a negative thing but when we use it to hide away from who we really are, it can become problematic.

So how can you let go?

• Begin by accepting the world, both within yourself and all around you, just the way it is.
• Nothing needs to change. You simply let go. Everything can simply be what it is.
• Notice what you see around you. Notice the sounds around you. Notice how you feel.
• Recall the people who has annoyed you. Recall any regrets that you may have.
• Allow everything to be there. It’s ok for it to be there.
• Whatever is happening does not need to happen for a reason. Allow things to be just the way they are.
• Let go and fall in love with doing nothing.
• Feel the release, the relief and the peace that emerges from letting go.
• And look around you. Stare at something and watch how its essence is revealed to you. See its beauty!
• Enjoy the moment, Savour the moment, Cherish the moment

Now notice how your thoughts and feelings have changed and know you can call upon this practice at any time.

If you'd like support, I currently offer a free 1-to-1 session for new customers. 

Speak soon,

Sergio

One of the best ways of unlocking our personal power is by being creative - expressing on the outside how we feel on the inside. In the process, we work through our fears and feelings and come out the other side with a sense of power and freedom. 

I ‘d like to share with you a simple practice that has helped me and my clients do just that.

Context:

You begin by becoming aware of your thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings are linked together. Thoughts tend to be lighter, faster and rest on the surface, while feelings tend to be slower and deeper.

So whatever you are thinking, I'll be asking you to write it down. Whatever you will be feeling, I'll ask you to write it down. Express on the outside how you feel on the inside. The simple process of naming and expressing enables you to transform a negative into a positive.

I'll invite you to explore any negative material that you may be carrying and befriend your dark side, especially feelings such as shame, sadness, regret, bitterness, hatred, anger, rage and fear. The more you can open up to and allow these feelings to find expression, the more vital and content you will become.

I am inviting you to re-contextualise your pain and see it as an intrinsic part of you and an essential part of life. By being able to befriend and include all parts of you – even the so-called dark aspects – you get to live a fuller, stronger, healthier and more empowered life. You become resilient and trustworthy. You become capable of taking on responsibility. You develop strength and courage. You don’t scare so easily. You create a foundation of acceptance and reliability that supports every aspect of your life.

Get Comfortable: 

Make sure you are in a quiet space. Turn off your phone and let your family and friends know that you're busy for the next 20min. Sit down with a piece of paper and a pen. 

The Practice:  

• What are you thinking about now?

(Press pause)

• What are you feeling right now?

(Press pause)

• Draw or write about this feeling on paper.

(Press pause)

• What does that feeling look like, sound like, move like, smell like?

(Press pause)

• Keep making changes to your drawing writing, allowing it to evolve and transform into whatever wants to come through.

(Press pause)

• How do you feel now? What shifted? Describe your experience?

This practice encourages you to express on the outside how you feel on the inside, opening you up to a fuller and stronger vision of yourself.

Benefits include:  

• Therapeutic release of emotional pain
• Dissolution of fears and judgments 
• Inner peace, stillness and freedom
• More power and energy for your life

If you’re interested in developing this practice, feel free to contact me.

Pleasure to support you,

Sergio

If you are struggling with negative thoughts at the moment, especially due to this crisis, I ‘d like to share a practice with you that should help.

Imagine for second that your thoughts are like cars on the road. Some of them might be positive, some of them might be negative. Rather than suppressing the negative ones or forcing the positive ones, simply observe these thoughts coming and going. Ask yourself “Who is aware of these thoughts?”. 

Asking yourself who is aware of your thoughts enables you to create a healthy distance between you and the thoughts you are experiencing. You are the road while the cars come and go.

I’d like to you take a blank white paper and a pencil now. Sit in a comfortable chair, turn off your phone and inform your family, friends or whomever that you will be unavailable for 20min.

The Practice: 

When ready, just sit. 

Every time a thought comes into consciousness, write a tick on your paper. This exercise if not a test and it is not about winning or growing. It’s about helping you become conscious of your mental activity. Every time a thought pops into mind, write a tick. Pause the video and try it.

What did you notice? What were you thinking about? How fast were the thoughts coming? Did they slow down? Were you able to breathe more easily? It’s not about doing it right or wrong. It’s simply about becoming aware.

I have found that thoughts slow down and become less sticky. Rather than following every thought that comes into consciousness, I watch them come and go. Some of them are useful and help me accomplish my daily activities.

And then suddenly, as if out of the blue, deeper feelings emerge that never had air time before. When the deeper feelings come, it may be tempting to push them away. If you're up to it, allow yourself to feel it. Sadness, anger, rage, grief are just some of the emotions that may emerge.

Watch as these emotions change and shift all on their own. By the end, your heart may feel much lighter and any compulsive behaviour may have vanished, leaving you energised and in good mental health. 

Benefits include: 

• the freedom to un-follow thought forms
• Peace of mind
• relaxation
• improved breathing
• feeling energised

If you’re interested in developing this practice, feel free to contact me.

Pleasure to support you,

Sergio