Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist

How to End the Drama and Get On with Life

By: Margalis Fjelstad

Narrated by: Senn Annis

Bloomsbury presents Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist by Margalis Fjelstad, read by Senn Annis.

People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders have a serious mental illness that primarily affects their intimate, personal, and family relationships. Often they appear to be normally functioning at work and in public interactions, and Narcissists may even be highly effective, in the short term, in some work or social situations. However, in intimate relationships, they can be emotional, aggressive, demeaning, illogical, paranoid, accusing, and controlling—in the extreme. Their ability to function normally or pleasantly can suddenly change in an instant, like flipping a switch. These negative behaviors don’t happen once in a while, they happen almost continuously in their intimate relationships and most often, and especially with their Caretaker family member.

Here, Margalis Fjelstad describes how people get into a Caretaker role with a Borderline or Narcissist, and how they can get out. Caretakers give up their sense of self to become who and what the Borderline or Narcissist needs them to be. This compromises the Caretaker’s self-esteem, distorts their thinking processes, and locks them into a Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer pattern with the Borderline or Narcissist. The book looks at the underlying rules and expectations in these relationships and shows Caretaker’s how to move themselves out of these rigid interactions and into a healthier, more productive, and positive lifestyle—with or without the Borderline/Narcissistic partner or family member. It describes how to get out of destructive interactions with the Borderline or Narcissist and how to take new, more effective actions to focus on personal wants, needs, and life goals while allowing the Borderline or Narcissist to take care of themselves. It presents a realistic, yet compassionate, attitude toward the self-destructive nature of these relationships, and gives real life examples of how individuals have let go of their Caretaker behaviors with creative and effective solutions.©2022 Margalis Fjelstad (P)2022 Bloomsbury Publishing Plc

A Godsend!

This book does not mince words. It may be a shock to discover how you contribute to being a caretaker. A must for anyone who thinks or knows they are in this position.

Gold for anyone with narcissistic/BPD in their life

This is gold

It was traumatizing for me when I first tried to read it. I don’t know why, but I put it down & didn’t continue reading until 2 years later.

I am glad I got through it. It explained everything about the BPD/narcs in my life as if the author knew my exact story & met everyone. It was scary accurate.

Finally & thankfully the author gives concrete steps to get out of the situations.

Wish me luck as I go through them. I will need to reread this a few times to take in everything. Especially the recovery chapters.

If you have people like this in your life; Read this book. I’ve read 3-4 other books & nothing beats this one so far.


Hopefully you don’t react like I did.

Good luck. Hopefully this helps you live the life you want.

Freedom! Wish I had found this sooner.

Extremely insightful and cheaper than a therapist. I found the suggestions in the book to be practical and helpful. Now to use them in real life…

Read and re-read

Exactly what I needed. I will read this repeatedly as needed to cope effectively with the hard times.

life changing

An unexpected help, for someone that has lived with a borderline parent like me its been a way of understanding myself and my familly dinamics