Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me)

Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions and Hurtful Acts

By: Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson

Narrated by: Marsha Mercant, Joe Barrett

Length: 9 hrs and 4 mins

Publisher's summary

Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up when they screw up? Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves? Are we all liars? Or do we really believe the stories we tell? Backed by years of research and delivered in lively, energetic prose, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception - how it works, the harm it can cause, and how we can overcome it.

©2008 Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson (P)2010 Audible, Inc.

Critic reviews

"Thanks, in part, to the scientific evidence it provides and the charm of its down-to-earth, commonsensical tone, Mistakes Were Made is convincing. Reading it, we recognize the behavior of our leaders, our loved ones, and—if we're honest—ourselves, and some of the more perplexing mysteries of human nature begin to seem a little clearer." (Francine Prose, O, The Oprah Magazine)

"By turns entertaining, illuminating and—when you recognize yourself in the stories it tells—mortifying." ( The Wall Street Journal)

makes you stop and think

about your own actions and beliefs. lot of meaningful examples. actors are easy to listen to.

This book is a very useful book.

As a normal human being I have the bad habit of not really recognizing my mistakes, and being able to see the psychological approach that this book provides to us really helps me to be a better person. It definitely made me realize that I'm much more of a bigger person owning my mistake and publicly apologizing if necessary.

Heavy on anecdotes and stories

Well done if you want an easy read, and the stories are well told. If you read a lot of books in this general style though, it may feel like a lot of storytelling in order to support four or five ideas. Closer to Adam Grant than Daniel Kahneman (both fine… just depends what you’re looking for).

Overdose on Dissonance theory

This book is a great add-on to the Arbinger Institute's best seller Leadership & Self-deception. So many great real life examples of Self-deception and self justification.

No Mistake buying this Audio

This book has a very interesting premise: that most of the problems we face in life are because we do not accept responsibility for our actions. People spend a great deal of time engaged in self-justification for hurtful actions.

One of the primary examples is what happened with the pre-school sex abuse scandals in the 90's. One of the most infamous started with accusations by a woman whom, it was later discovered, was mentally ill. Other parents at the school believed her, and children recounted improbable stories of abuse at the urging and direction of therapists and law enforcement.

"Mistakes Were Made" discusses the falibility of memory, and source confusion. In the example of the children making the accusations, leading questions became facts for the children. The same type of source confusion happens to adults.

When the therapists and law enforcement investigated the alleged abuse, they failed to notice that the children's stories were improbable. The investigators self-justified their failure to correlate the facts, and so many lives were ruined.

There is an extensive discussion of cognitive disonance, which is worth an entire book on its own. False memories are sometimes created to resolve cognitive disonance.

I did question the concept of "self-justification" as it applies to organizations, such as companies and countries. The authors treated those groups as if the groups were an individual entity. I didn't see any support for the position that a group somehow develops a consciousness and works to reduce cognitive disonance.

The performance was good. It's the first Audible Book I have listened to with two narrators that worked well.

Overall Good Book

This is a good book but it starts out with politics and a presumption that everyone feels the way the authors do, a common academic mistake - why do we make such mistakes? Anyhow, I think of the book frequently - getting past the politics, it was good.

We All Make Mistakes It's How We Handle Them After

This book helped me back away from an argument where someone needed to justify their actions. I realized they were emotionally invested in what they did and a logical discussion of it was going to be rejected. It saved me some frustration and that was okay because the episode was a minor one. If that was all I took from this book then it would have failed.

The key is (But Not By Me). We really need to examine how we can convince ourselves our bad decision was a good one when actually it wasn't. We are predisposed to rationalize our actions and sometimes this hurts others and more importantly sometimes this hurts ourselves.

I rarely stop listening to a book on a long walk, but for this one after a chapter that inspired a eureka moment I had to. It wouldn't do to hear the next chapter when I needed to work out some things inspired by what I had just heard.

I liked the scientific approach in discussing how mistakes were made and the part that resonated the most was the repressed memory fad in the 1990's. A lot of people were harmed by that and a lot of experts who did not adhere to the scientific method compounded that damage. I was most impressed with the one repressed memory expert who parted company with her contemporaries and admitted mistakes. After reading this book, I want to emulate that courageous lady.

Great perspectives

A really good look at how justification of our mistakes can lead to all sorts of bad outcomes. Every thing from the corporate world to the criminal justice system.

SO many great points and examples!

Great narrating voices. Easy to follow and understand. Promotes introspection. I think everyone can take at least one thing away.

insight to self and others

Where does Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me) rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

It ranks in the top 10%. I have read several other books that cover the same general topic, but this book boils down what most of us see every day in ourselves and others. Understanding why we or others struggle to take responsibility for our actions and perceptions is key in being able to change it and not be as critical of ourselves and others by taking responsibility and facing reality.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

Wasn't me.