Selfless

The Social Creation of “You”

By: Brian Lowery

Narrated by: Aaron Goodson

Social psychologist and Stanford professor Brian Lowery presents a provocative, powerful theory of identity, arguing that there is no essential "self"—our selves are social creations of those with whom we interact—exploring what that means for who we can be and who we allow others to be.

There’s nothing we spend more time with, but understand less, than ourselves. You’ve been with yourself every waking moment of your life. But who—or, rather, what—are you? In Selfless, Brian Lowery argues for the radical idea that the “self” as we know it—that “voice in your head”—is a social construct, created in our relationships and social interactions. We are unique because our individual pattern of relationships is unique. We change because our relationships change. Your self isn’t just you, it’s all around you.

Lowery uses this research-driven perspective of selfhood to explore questions of inequity, race, gender, politics, and power structures, transforming our perceptions of how the world is and how it could be. His theory offers insight into how powerful people manage their environment in sophisticated, often unconscious, ways to maintain the status quo; explains our competing drives for deep social connection and personal freedom; and answers profound, personal questions such as: Why has my sense of self evolved over time? Why do I sometimes stop short of changes that I want to make in life?

In Selfless, Lowery persuasively breaks down common assumptions and beliefs; his insights are humbling. Despite what many may think, we aren’t islands unto ourselves; we are the creation of the many hands that touch us. We don’t just exist in communities, we are created and shaped by them. Our highs and lows are not only our own but belong to others as well. By recognizing that we are products of relationships—from fleeting transactions to deep associations—we shatter the myth of individualism and free ourselves to make our lives and the world accordingly.

©2023 Brian Lowery (P)2023 HarperCollins Publishers

Enlightening

Finally a view of the self that breaks free from the myopic, self-obsessed tradition handed down by the psychoanalytic tradition AND simultaneously breaks free of the reductionistic, predetermined view of the self from the traditions of sociology and behaviorism. The embrace of the plasticity of identity is freeing rather than pathologizing. Like the author, I moved over a dozen times in childhood. Each disruption offering the freedom to redefine yourself and the interminable struggle to define yourself. After reflecting on my own experiences I came to the conclusion that we probably develop a group identity far before we gain much of a sense of ourself. Dr. Lowery’s view of identity explains the trajectory of such experiences sans pathology. Thank you, Dr.Lowery. This is a great work.

Must read…or listen to.

Timely and thought-provoking. Dr. Lowery is a great author, and this book addresses important concepts on self, humanity, and purpose.

required reading for any human

Excellent treatise on self and freedom. If you hold dear to a discreet self you let go of any hope of freedom. Love his examples. what is a self is fully answered. How our selves are created and formed by all our relationships with people. You come away with a firm grasp of acquiring your Self and happily eschewing freedom. people need structure, boundaries, rules to guide us through a mess of relationships that tax our ability to make sense of the world.

Provocative

Enjoying this first listen and plan on a second soon thereafter. Has me looking in the mirror asking tough questions.

Excellent listening to and will likely re-listen

I believe this could help a lot of people better define who they are, or, how they see who they are. Perhaps the theory could be taken a bit further past social creation, though.

I loved this book

This author stays his course, insightfully commenting on our interconnectedness. Clean easy read/listen. On listening to the end, it deserves a review

A little redundant

Overall, I felt like the point of the book was valuable. I just feel like the author took a long time to get there and may have been easier to follow when reading versus listening to it.

starts off with a bang

the opening chapter or 2 is awesome. it drifts a bit into meh territory but he does always offer up good evidence for his thinking. Absolutely enjoyed the guy reading it and a few of the stories I'd never heard before