The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control

A Path to Peace and Power

By: Katherine Morgan Schafler

Narrated by: Katherine Morgan Schafler

Selected for USA Today's Best Books of 2023

Selected as Editor's Pick in Amazon's Best Books of 2023

From psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler, an invitation to every “recovering perfectionist” to challenge the way they look at perfectionism, and the way they look at themselves.

We’ve been looking at perfectionism all wrong. As psychotherapist and former on-site therapist at Google Katherine Morgan Schafler argues in The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, you don’t have to stop being a perfectionist to be healthy. For women who are sick of being given the generic advice to “find balance,” a new approach has arrived.

Which of the five types of perfectionist are you? Classic, intense, Parisian, messy, or procrastinator? As you identify your unique perfectionist profile, you'll learn how to manage each form of perfectionism to work for you, not against you. Beyond managing it, you'll learn how to embrace and even enjoy your perfectionism. Yes, enjoy!

Full of stories and brimming with humor, empathy, and depth, this book is a love letter to the ambitious, high achieving, full-of-life clients who filled the author’s private practice, and who changed her life. It’s a clarion call for all women to dare to want more without feeling greedy or ungrateful. Ultimately, this book will show you how to make the single greatest trade you’ll ever make in your life, which is to exchange superficial control for real power.

Critic reviews

Praise for The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control

“Are you – gasp – an ambitious perfectionist? Have you tried and failed to find that elusive sense of “balance” we’re all meant to seek? If you answered yes to these questions, this is the book you must read. Morgan Schafler has written the definitive guide for anyone who’s ready to walk a crucial pathway: from the appearance of control, to the possession of a quiet power.”
--Susan Cain, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Bittersweet and Quiet

“From an emerging thought leader, an irresistible invitation to reclaim your natural state of wholeness, your joy and your life."
--Deepak Chopra, New York Times bestselling author of Abundance

"A valuable, much-needed perspective that gives you permission to be more in a world that's telling you to be less.”
--Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

"Morgan Schafler lays bare provocative new insights into how "perfectionism" is often just code for "women excelling too much," and identifies the strategies and mindset every high-achieving woman needs to quell her inner critic and embrace her true talents."
--Holly Whitaker, New York Times bestselling author of Quit Like a Woman

"An accessible, actionable guide for how to aim high without overthinking or punishing yourself along the way. This book is a must-read for anxious achievers who want to remain ambitious but could operate with a bit more self-compassion."
--Liz Fosslien, coauthor and illustrator of the bestselling books Big Feelings and No Hard Feelings

"A thoroughly original approach to this important topic. Grounded in research, the book uses stories from the author’s years as a therapist to illustrate vividly that perfectionism is a phenomenon, not a disorder, and that it can be managed to increase one’s power and joy. How I wish this book had been available years ago—it could have changed my life! Let it change yours."
--Jean Kilbourne, Ed.D., author, cultural theorist, feminist activist

"I love a book that starts by normalizing the reader's current experience. We don't need to be fixed, we just need a gentle guide to show us how to work with our unique personalities. This book would be my first recommendation to anyone struggling with perfectionism."
--KC Davis, author of How to Keep House While Drowning

“Combining vivid storytelling, rigorous research, and deep analysis, Morgan Schafler provides a practical guide that can help you learn, thrive, and flourish.”
--Tal Ben-Shahar, New York Times bestselling author of Happier

Loved it!

As a perfectionist I really like the approach of accepting your perfectionism and working around it so it’s beneficial for you. I always hear comments about how you shouldn’t aim for perfection but those kind of comments don’t help because they feel like going against your essence. Katherine’s approach is amazing. Really enjoyed it!

Best book I’ve read in a decade

Bookmark after bookmark. A staple read for being a better human. Especially if you’re a perfectionist! 🎯

Important guide to understand motivation/behavior

I rarely comment on the books I listen to, but this book is so good that I wanted to share a few words about it. I love this book. The stories keep the listener interested, and everything is backed by research, and support for the content is mentioned throughout the book. This not about "the authors experience" as one other reviewer mentioned, rather there are stories of many peoples' experiences, then an explanation, and the research support or reference to other experts' work. The organization of content is superb. The author is an exceptional narrator; very easy to listen to. I found out that I am exactly as I have known for years; I am a messy perfectionist. The book has helped me find some self-compassion and find ways to use this knowledge to positively adapt behavior change. The only thing I wished for while listening was that much of the great content would help others who do not identify as a perfectionist and therefore might be turned off by the title. I hope there is another book in the works.

Fantastic book

This was a fabulous book that will benefit so many women. I love her light hearted and funny approach.

Empowering to professional women

This book is the tipping point for a cultural change in how we evaluate women and ourselves. It’s the empowering voice I want to hear in my head, clarifying why and how I give effort. The author specifically uses her experience as a therapist for female executives at Google to identify themes in barriers and opportunities for these women to be fully unleashed in their potential. Highly recommend to all professional working women and mothers.