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Clowns vs. Spiders
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 5 hrs and 47 mins
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Publisher's summary
Jaunty the Clown just wants to entertain families with lighthearted slapstick antics, but people think of clowns as terrifying, nightmarish creatures who hide in closets or under beds. When Jaunty, along with his fellow performers Guffaw, Wagon, Reginald the Pleasant Clown, and Bluehead are fired from the circus, they're told that the world just doesn't like clowns anymore.
Still, clowns have to eat. And since these clowns don't eat children, to make ends meet they're eventually forced to take a job in a popular haunted attraction, the Mountain of Terror. Instead of charming entertainers, they're now scary clowns. A zombie clown. A demon clown. A creepy doll clown.
But the town is about to discover something more frightening than clowns. Because on opening night, millions of oversized spiders emerge from a cave and begin their deadly invasion....
From Bram Stoker Award-nominated author Jeff Strand comes an insane mix of shameless silliness and grisly creepy-crawly horror. Clowns vs. Spiders. Who will win?
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Story
Pain, horror, fear - these are the things that have comprised best-selling novelist Lance Metzger's life. His childhood remains a riddled wasteland of abuse by a sadistic father and abandonment by an apathetic mother. In turn his only refuge became his writing. When Lance loses his ability to write and becomes haunted by a nightmare that he'd thought was buried, he is drawn inexplicably to a house on the shores of Lake Superior, where he finds his muse once again - but something is waiting for him when he arrives.
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Loved it!
- By Lauren on 07-18-16
By: Joe Hart
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Dreams in Black Static
- Eight Stories
- By: Ambrose Ibsen
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Two roommates stumble upon a mysterious and disturbing videotape. After watching it, one of them vanishes.... A heart transplant recipient gets much more than he bargained for when he digs into his donor's sinister past.... Mourning the death of their son, a young couple is plunged into madness after encountering something otherworldly in the wilderness.... Dreams in Black Static is a collection of eight terrifying stories by Ambrose Ibsen, author of The Haunting of Beacon Hill and Asylum.
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Amazing!
- By love2read on 01-30-21
By: Ambrose Ibsen
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Dead Crow
- By: David Haynes
- Narrated by: Jeff Harding
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Under dirty black skies, the town of Dead Crow is deluged by days of rain, flooding the streets and cutting it off from the outside world. Chief Andy Curran already has his hands full, getting residents to safety and battling a greedy mayor. But now people are going missing in the endless rain. Curran soon discovers that there are things living in the overspilling river that threatens to drown Dead Crow. Their eerie clicking sounds drift across the frightened town as they emerge from its toxic waters.
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Poorly written and badly read
- By Old Man Parker on 08-22-20
By: David Haynes
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The Snow
- Whiteout, Book 1
- By: Flint Maxwell
- Narrated by: Matt Godfrey
- Length: 4 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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After a tragic accident at work, all Grady Miller wanted was an escape. He finds it months later with two of his closest friends. Together, the three of them travel south to Prism Lake for the upcoming holiday, where they plan on spending the sunny weekend drinking, grilling, and relaxing. But when a series of monstrous blizzards cover the Eastern United States in feet of snow, knocking out communications and making the roads impossible to drive on, they realize their weekend of fun could turn into a lifetime of survival.
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I tried.
- By Merricat on 08-09-20
By: Flint Maxwell
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Vicious: A Horror Novel
- By: Brandon Massey
- Narrated by: Virtual Voice
- Length: 6 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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A fast-paced horror novel from award-winning, supernatural suspense writer, Brandon Massey . . . The night is full of wild things... When Kym Phillips embarks on a road trip from Atlanta to Los Angeles to take her younger sister to college, she's anticipating an opportunity to bond with her sister and a chance to see the country. And as an accomplished, single professional with her thirtieth birthday only a week away and no marriage prospects in sight, Kym is looking forward to some quiet time to reflect on the frustrating course of her love life. Waiting for them... He roams the lonely ...
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Terrible narration using AI
- By Guerita on 08-22-24
By: Brandon Massey
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Night of the Mannequins
- By: Stephen Graham Jones
- Narrated by: Gary Tiedemann
- Length: 2 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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One last laugh for the summer as it winds down. One last prank just to scare a friend. Bringing a mannequin into a theater is just some harmless fun, right? Until it wakes up. Until is starts killing. Luckily, Sawyer has a plan. He'll be a hero. He'll save everyone to the best of his ability. He'll kill as many people as he needs to so he can save the day. That's the thing about heroes - sometimes you have to become a monster first.
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Sad that it ended
- By Jason on 03-12-21
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Demonic
- By: Jeff Strand
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 5 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Corey is falling in love with his co-worker Quinn. This is a problem. Not only because Quinn is married, but because her husband is a serial killer known as the Toledo Trasher, who has been forcing her to participate in his savage crimes.
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Demonic
- By Rachel on 06-16-23
By: Jeff Strand
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Hater
- By: David Moody
- Narrated by: Gerard Doyle
- Length: 7 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Within seconds, normally rational, self-controlled people become frenzied killers. Christened "Haters" by the media, the attackers strike without warning, killing all who cross their path. People are afraid to go to work, afraid to leave their homes, afraid that at any moment their friends or family could turn on them. In the face of this mindless terror, Danny McCoyne must secure his family, seek shelter, and watch as the world falls apart. "Attack first, ask questions later" becomes the order of the day.
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Too Successful for Its Own Good
- By Guillermo on 02-15-10
By: David Moody
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Rolling in the Deep
- By: Mira Grant
- Narrated by: Teri Schnaubelt
- Length: 3 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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When the Imagine Network commissioned a documentary on mermaids, to be filmed from the cruise ship Atargatis, they expected what they had always received before: an assortment of eyewitness reports that proved nothing, some footage that proved even less, and the kind of ratings that only came from peddling imaginary creatures to the masses.
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A good companion piece
- By L. Jones on 08-29-19
By: Mira Grant
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How You Ruined My Life
- By: Jeff Strand
- Narrated by: Andrew Eiden
- Length: 5 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Rod's life doesn't suck. If you ask him, it's pretty awesome. He may not be popular, but he and his best friends play in a band that has a standing gig. Yeah, it's Monday night and they don't get paid, but they can crank the volume as loud as they want. And Rod's girlfriend is hot, smart, and believes in their band - believes in Rod. Aside from a winning lottery ticket, what more could he ask for? Answer: A different cousin. When Rod's scheming, two-faced cousin Blake moves in for the semester, Rod tries to keep calm. Blake seems to have everyone else fooled....
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The Audio version of this book is Fantastic.
- By Jennifer j Keller on 06-01-18
By: Jeff Strand
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The Toll
- By: Cherie Priest
- Narrated by: T. Ryder Smith
- Length: 9 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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State Road 177 runs along the Suwannee River, between Fargo, Georgia, and the Okefenokee Swamp. Drive that route from east to west, and you'll cross six bridges. Take it from west to east, and you might find seven. But you'd better hope not. Titus and Melanie Bell leave their hotel in Fargo for a second honeymoon canoeing the Okefenokee Swamp. But shortly before they reach their destination, they draw up to a halt at the edge of a rickety bridge with old stone pilings, with room for only one car....
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An Enjoyable Listen
- By Tanya Twombly on 11-06-19
By: Cherie Priest
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Twelve Nights at Rotter House
- By: J.W. Ocker
- Narrated by: Matt Godfrey
- Length: 7 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Felix Allsey is a travel writer with a keen eye for the paranormal, and he's carved out a unique, if only slightly lucrative, niche for himself in nonfiction; he writes travelogues of the country's most haunted places, after haunting them himself. When he convinces the owner of the infamous Rotterdam Mansion to let him stay on the premises for two weeks, he believes he's finally found the location that will bring him a best seller. Then things start going wrong: screams from upstairs, figures in the thresholds, and more than what should be in any basement.
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Ocker had me at 'boo holes'...
- By J.G. on 10-28-19
By: J.W. Ocker
What listeners say about Clowns vs. Spiders
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amazon Customer
- 07-10-23
I don't usually laugh out loud
This is so wonderfully campy and ridiculous...and subtly, artfully delivered by Joe Hempel. Such a fun listen!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Sondra
- 08-15-23
Nice listen
I enjoyed the storyline and the performance. Just discovering the author and will definitely listen to more.
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- Pauline
- 02-26-24
Jeff Strand's witty and eccentric story telling
Clowns Vs Spider is a ecentric and witty store. combing prevalent freas with all the horro and gore you would expect with a light heart dry sence approach. Sure to cause those who frear clowns or spiders with all the skin crawling, spine tingling apprehension, while you rolling with laughter.
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- O. Lester
- 07-05-23
Great story
Who thought clowns and spiders would be entertaining? Nice job. Thanks for the listen on my drive.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 05-27-23
Great story
Absolutely loved it! So worth the listen and quite entertaining! Is it cheesy yes but in a good way!
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1 person found this helpful
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- HHRNDN
- 01-17-21
One of his funny novels, but also quite gruesome.
The clowns are faithful to the Clown Code, which compels them to be wholesome and chivalrous. In a creature feature like this, the urge to help could get a person killed.
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- kathy pappas
- 03-11-23
Excellent!!!!
Wow ! I can't even describe how much I loved this book ! The story , the author and the narrator!!
This one I didn't have to use a credit for , but I loved it so much I just bought another of his books !
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- mea1313
- 08-26-23
So much fun!
Lol, this book is really wonderful!! Every B rated monster movie was brought to life in this story, and that's awesome!! Great narration!
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- Christna Fredrick Kim
- 04-08-20
I looked it a lot but I didn't love it
I thought it had some tone issues but overall the story was enjoyable. it's not groundbreaking but it's fun. it does something different but it's predictable and you know what's going to happen but it's a fun book to listen to while you run errands. the narrator was good. I didn't get bored listening to him. I think it's worth the 8sh hours of listening and worth a credit.
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- Dyanstar
- 08-19-23
Funny and horrific
Really great at the dead pan humor which I love. Very entertaining, always a fun ride.
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